July 19, 2022

Coffee Time

Why is it that when you need something, it seems to take forever for that item to arrive? For example, this morning, I was in great need of a coffee. The coffee I needed was specific, hot and strong—the kind of coffee you drink to shake off the remnants of the night before.

Now before you go getting any wild ideas about the night before, I better set things straight. It was not a long night full of adult beverages any more than it was a night of being out all hours. It was a night that creeps up on you when you are older. You know, the kind where all sorts of things run through your head, and you can’t exactly stop them from popping up.

So there I am, waiting for my coffee to brew. But unfortunately, the machine seems to have developed a delayed response because I am waiting for it instead of being occupied with something else simultaneously. And the more I need the coffee, the slower it seems to take.

The good news about all the slowness is that I didn’t have to go anywhere this morning, so no matter how long it took for the coffee to brew, I wouldn’t be late getting anywhere.

May 13, 2022

Sleepy Time

My doctor regularly tells me I need to get more sleep to help heal myself and keep lupus at bay. It sounds so simple when he tells me to get more sleep. I mean, sure, go to bed earlier and get more sleep.

So I try to go to bed earlier, but sleep doesn’t come. When I am supposed to be resting, I am acutely aware of how much my joints ache, among other things.

I mention this to my doctor, and he strongly advises me not to have tablets, phones, or TVs in my bedroom. So, reluctantly, I relocate those items to get better quality of sleep. But, unfortunately, it doesn’t work.

We try other medications, but I am not a fan of them. I know sleep is important for anyone. It helps the body heal and repair. I know lack of sleep affects our decision-making processes, reaction time and more.

I am aware that getting quality sleep helps reduce brain fog, exhaustion, joint pain, and, yes, even lupus flares, I know this, but I also know I am not a fan of sleeping medications. They become the last resort, used to help avoid flares when I feel one beginning (not smart, I know).

The fact is, I’ve never been one to sleep much unless I’ve been really sick. Lupus hasn’t changed my relationship with sleep. I still struggle with getting eight hours unless I am sick or having a really bad flare. Still, my doctor attempts to find ways to better quality sleep.

March 9, 2022

So Much Depends Upon A Small Dog

Sometimes all you need is a small dog to curl up against you to make you feel better. Sometimes all you need is that same small dog to curl up in your lap to make the world right.

Sometimes that tiny dog may not be able to make everything all right, but she can do enough to help make the moment or two better. You can shift things and pause to feel what you need to feel during that moment or two.

Now and then, that wee dog can make all the difference in the world. She’s just the right weight and warmth for resting on aching joints in the mid-afternoon. She’s an ideal foot warmer when your feet hurt too much from the early morning cold. And when you need to have a small heater for the evening chill, she will do it in a pinch.

Sometimes the same small dog will have nothing to do with you. She will not offer you the warmth of her body, the weight of her snuggly-ness, nor will she provide companionship. Instead, the dog will insist upon getting your attention so you can join her on an adventure, an outing or something else. After all, the dog knows what you need more than you do now and then.

March 1, 2022

Boggles The Mind

There’s something about hanging upside down that allows one to contemplate how and why people discover things. For example, who found that hanging upside down could provide back relief? Humans aren’t meant to hang upside down. A strange something happens when we are placed in this position.

You see, we aren’t meant to let the blood rush up to our heads and remain conscious. So if you hang upside down for any length of time, you start to feel a bit peculiar. Continue to stay in this position beyond that feeling, and you may lose consciousness.

And yet somehow, at some point in human history, some individual discovered that he could ease his back pain if he just hung upside down. I presume it involved hooking one’s knees around a stable branch and then dangling there, upside down.

So there I was, hanging upside down for a few moments when all of this went through my mind. This isn’t the first time I’ve had strange thoughts as I’ve tried something new. Yoga in and of itself had brought upon all sorts of unique questions, like when did someone twist herself into a pretzel and conclude that this provided health benefits? Did she like the way it felt and then convince others to try it? Or did she discover something else happened to her when she was the human pretzel? Who knows. Perhaps I am not using my time appropriately.

February 25, 2022

A Relief Of Sorts

A friend of mine was complaining about a spot on her back that was tight and immobile. She had seen several massage therapists, one occupational therapist, and two acupuncturists—all to no end.

Her doctor recommended stretches and using heat or ice, whichever felt better. However, she told me that the stretches did nothing for her as the area in her back felt tight and frozen. She was getting more than a little desperate for some pain relief.

Although I don’t have the same condition, I know what it is like to have pain that doesn’t go away. A few years ago, I purchased a TENS (transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) machine to help me with an annoying ache that could not be massaged away. So I thought I would give this machine a try because nothing else worked.

I was surprised that I was able to gain some pain relief throughout a few treatments. Of course, it wasn’t completely gone, but it was lessened enough that I was no longer focused on how uncomfortable I was.

I told my friend how the TENS machine brought me relief and offered to lend her mine. She laughed at me and said if it worked for me, she would purchase her own because she didn’t want me to be in pain while she was getting relief.

January 19, 2022

Special Time

Sometimes, when the sun goes down on this side of town, I step out into the yard and sit in the stillness. The four-footed one typically has her post-meal digestion nap in one of her beds. If he’s not busy or lost in his thoughts, Beloved might step out and join me.

There is a softness to the sky. It’s not the velvet inkiness that will come much later towards midnight. Instead, it’s a soft, deep purple-ish blue.
I like to think of it as the beginning of the shift change. The birds that are noisy during the day have fallen silent, but the night birds haven’t started to come out yet.

It’s like everything is just waiting for the next road of shiftwork to begin. Of course, the stillness never lasts for long, but while it is there and I am watching the sky darken into a velvet softness, I think if only we could hold onto the in-between time. But, of course, we can’t.

Soon enough, the owl will come out. Then, the grass will be filled with rustling noises from animals I cannot see. The night work will have begun, signalling that it is time to go back in and let the new crew get on with their work. If I happen to be up when midnight comes around, I will head to the window and watch a different sort of in-between come in place.

It is these moments where things are still and small yet significant all at once that I treasure because, in that stillness, I can hear the breathe and feel the heart of all that is around me.

December 13, 2021

Golf Balls For Feet?

Apparently, I am supposed to be rolling my feet out to deal with some of the pain I experience. However, no one told me I was supposed to do this until today. So naturally, I am years behind in rolling out my feet!

I went with a neighbor for a foot reflexology session, and the therapist informed me that I should have been working on rolling my feet out using something like a golf ball. Before I could say anything, the therapist grabbed a golf ball and showed me how I’m supposed to almost stand on this thing and roll it from my toes to my heel.

Readers, have you tried to stand on a golf ball? Never mind the size of them. They are hard. Very hard, like painfully hard. Your feet are not meant to be standing on something this hard. Your feet are meant to stand on something solid but not as tiny as a golf ball.

Needless to say, the session was not a relaxing foot massage. On the contrary, it was painful, full of lectures, and I wasn’t sure that my feet were undamaged by the end. I can say that I will not be standing on golf balls any time soon, and I won’t be rolling my feet on them either.

November 22, 2021

Sleeping Problems

I wonder if Sleeping Beauty woke up refreshed from her long nap or if she slept too long and ended up with a headache. I mentioned this to Beloved, and he just shook his head.

Surely, at the very least, her body would have some stiffness and pain from her sleeping so long, I said. You see, if I get too many hours of sleep, I wake up with a headache and feel awful. However, Beloved doesn’t seem to be afflicted by this.

The first time I shared this strange phenomenon with him, he laughed and thought I was joking. Just as he thought, I was joking when I told him sleeping too long makes my body stiff and sore.

But one day, he witnessed it for himself and decided it must be some mind-over-matter thing. He said it was probably due to being raised in a household where sleeping in was a no-no. He called it misplaced guilt manifesting as physical aches and pains. With practice, he declared, I would be over this strangeness and enjoy the world of sleeping in.

Instead, we acquired the four-footed one who doesn’t believe in sleeping in. Instead, the four-footed one believes in seizing the day as the sun comes up and going full tilt until you crash at night.

November 18, 2021

What’s The Rush?

The four-footed one has been cleared for longer walks and gentle games of tug-of-war. The vet is happy with how well her leg is healing. But, unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the four-footed one.

She wants to run. Not in a few weeks, not after another assessment or waiting for the go-ahead – she wants to run now! She also wants to jump and go swimming with Marta. She doesn’t care about wait times or further healing.

Unlike the vet, the four-footed one is confident in her leg, in her ability to keep up, and in her zest for life and adventures. The vet has cautioned us to still work at a slow pace; although he admitted having dealt with her a bit now, he is aware that the four-footed one may not understand the meaning of slowing down.

She’s enjoying her daily walks but fights at the notion of having to go home so soon, especially if she’s just scented something new and exciting on the ground. So we’ve indulged her to some degree, with Beloved taking her further into a walk, carrying her, that is. But, of course, the four-footed one doesn’t want to be carried or pulled in a cart. She wants her freedom, and she wants it now!

November 12, 2021

Let Me….

I have a confession to make, just a small one. I am, perhaps, the worst patient in the world. The more medical the setting is, the worse I am at following rules. Hospitals are the ultimate nightmare for me.

I mean, there are the uncomfortable beds, the cold air, the dreaded hospital attire, the constant noises, and the idea that somehow you are supposed to be able to rest in these places. So I try to avoid hospitals as much as possible, both as a patient and as a visitor.

Of course, having lupus means that I end up in medical settings more than I’d like. And yes, sometimes that means going into hospitals for more than a day.

This is where I find myself now, on a hospital stay for a few days. So far, I’ve had too many needle pokes, some bland meals, and no sleep. One of the nurses made a point of letting me know that I am not resting. But, unfortunately, he did not appreciate my response: how can anyone sleep in a cold, noisy place, and people constantly come in to do something or take something.

For the record, I stand by my answer. However, I also know that if I want to get out of here, I need to get better, which does require sleep. I want to go home and sleep, but no one listens to the patient. Because what does the patient know anyway? In this case, how to fool the system to get what she wants.