Team Coffee

A new coffee place opened up around here.  It into  we have a shortage of them as there are some two stores away from each other.  Bu this one is slightly different.

What makes it different is that not only do they roast and grind their own beans,  but they only use heavy cream.  Want a latte?  It’s made with heavy cream.  Take cream or milk in your coffee?  Have a splash of heavy cream.  Oh yeah they also don’t serve any food.

It’s probably a good thing they don’t serve food.  I mean think of all the calories from using heavy cream!  Naturally we had to check this place out.  And naturally it’s become Beloved’s idea of a coffee place.  Because heavy cream is an all time favorite of Beloved’s.

Thankfully this shop isn’t that close to the house otherwise Beloved would be popping by all the time.  And of course I’m c flicked because I love coffee, but I don’t want Beloved to have too much in the way of heavy cream because of his age.

So I guess this will have to be one of those places we go to only for special moments rather than turn him from team tea to team coffee.  Although I know this would easily switch him over!

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More Than Soup

It was a soup day of sorts.  Cool, damp weather had come back and I wanted soup.  I was also not in the position to spend a ton of time in the kitchen.  I was hopeful I could spend some time in the kitchen but the weather, lupus and lack of sleep decided that this wasn’t really going to happen.

A short cut could be the slow cooker, but the prep was too much for my hands.  A can of soup?  Sure I suppose, but not really what I was looking for.

Thankfully a friend stopped by with exactly the thing I wanted most, homemade soup. Delicious, tasty soup.  Soup is a bit like a hug from the inside out.  And what’s better than a hug from a dear friend who took the time to make soup and share it with me?

So in the end I got what I wanted, but more than that.  I got the most amazing gift, the touch of a hug when I didn’t realize I needed it and yet was exactly what I needed!  To me that is the most perfect ingredient to any course of a meal because nothing tastes as delicious as love.

Letting Go To Leap Freely

While faced with a rather large amount of work to do and really no strong motivation to get it done, I decided to take my laptop with me while I grabbed a coffee.  The logic was simple, if I could get a table in a relatively quiet corner, I’d attempt to get to the work.  It such a spot could not be had, my laptop and coffee would make the trip back home and I’d just have to plop myself into my den and get on with the working.

Thankfully I was able to settle into a nice corner with a vat of coffee, okay not really a vat, but a very large cup of coffee.  I set about getting on with the work that needed to be done while enjoying my coffee and letting the quiet noise act as very gentle background noise.  And work got done.  Not all of it, not when there were distractions to be had. Such as careless words tossed around and even more immature reactions to those careless words.

A couple of women had found a spot near me after I had been there for a half hour or so.  One was talking about how she was ready to make some big, life altering changes.  The other woman was trying to support her, but at the same time was pointing out some of what the first woman was saying happened to contradicting other things she had said.  The first woman said something about needing space to make her changes and the other woman said that sometimes the changes that need to be made do not require physical space, instead they require emotional space.   The first woman went back to needing to have her space, physically while at the same time insisting that the second woman be there to support her.

At some point, I had stopped listening to the back and forth of this stuff, the second woman said something about how this was the stuff of books. The first woman became very quiet and got up, heading to the washroom.  When she returned the second woman apologized if she had somehow upset the first woman.  And then all heck broke loose.

The first woman went on a tirade about how the second woman was supposed to support her, encourage her, protect her and such and yet by choosing to use the phrase “stuff of books” the second woman had proven she wasn’t going to do any of those things for the other woman.  After that, the first woman stomped out of the coffee shop. The second woman finished her drink and left quietly.

And I stopped working altogether.  I had been curious about what exactly the first woman had been trying to change in her life and equally curious bout how the second woman was supposed to do all these things for the first woman.  Was there a contract?  Did these two women not realize that I needed to know the rest?

After a few hours, when I was back home, I finished the work that needed doing and realized decided that because nothing happens in a vacuum, the changes one person makes will have repercussions that aren’t always easy to foresee.  And sometimes to make a major leap you need to let go of the safety rope and all those people who keep things safe.  Sometimes you need to just jump and see where it takes you.  Some people find this easier to do than others. And it seems the ones who struggle the most with this are the ones who end up making the most rules around things.

In The Light Of Day

Now and then I will awaken from a sleep not exactly sure I’m awake, but I am.  And after a moment or two, I will realize it was a noise that woke me up.  I will realize this because the noise will still be happening.

Thankfully it doesn’t happen often, but when it does, falling back to sleep is impossible.  Instead cocoa is made, we choose our comfortable chairs and Beloved and I talk.  About whatever he needs to talk about.  Whatever horror haunted his sleep and caused the nightmare won’t let him sleep and won’t let him talk about it.

So we sit there, the two of us, talking about whatever, drinking our coca and waiting for the sun to come up.  Because when the sun rises, for whatever reason, Beloved is no longer haunted by his childhood sorrows and pains.

Bur when it’s dark, when it’s cold and haunting, he can’t go back to sleep and I can’t either.  Because how do you sleep when a loved one is in pain or distress over something that cannot be fixed or sorted out?

So you sit there, you two, and wait for the sun to rise.  Because the sun always rises in some fashion and in the sunlight we can manage what seemed too large at night.

Slowly And Surely

When I look at Beloved, I see the little boy I never knew.  He tends to lurk behind a smile or glint of something in the name of mischief.  He comes out when Beloved ends up in a fit of giggles or when he has been surprised by something delightful.

The doubt filled university student comes out when he’s tackling some new or trying to gauge what my reaction will be to something.  I never knew this side of him either, not while he was a student.  But he shows up now and then when Beloved is unsure about his work.  He is the one who debates back and forth about the merits of what he’s doing.

The careful, gentle professor comes out when he is talking with other people who have asked him for his opinion.  I know this professor, I took a class with him once before I danced away to chase something a bit different.  That same soul comes out when I am unsure of things and feel like it’s all going to heck in a hand basket.

Sometimes I wish that little boy would come out and play more often, but he hides behind the university student or the professor.  So when he makes an appearance I invite him to stay, wanting to ply him with cookies and milk, just so he will stay longer.  Normally he’s a fleeting sight.  But with time I’ve been able to slowly coax him about a bit at a time.  Slowly but surely he may stick around a little longer.

Paddling Along

There is something freeing about slipping a small boat into the still, dark water that could be almost glass it’s so smooth.  Especially after the sun has set and the stars are peeking out at you.  It’s more freeing than slipping through the water with the sun shinning.

The only thing that brings me to pause is that it can be harder to navigate in the dim light, but a bit of caution and it trust in your memory will keep you right.  The slow, silent movements of a paddle seem to whisper to the ghosts of time spent here before.  And I feel at home, at peace in this slightly different place.  And yet as different as it is, I find I fit nicely into these moments.

I don’t do this often.  Time seems to run short now that I’m older.  And when Beloved is here, he doesn’t like to throw caution into the wind, afraid it will drift away like wisps of smoke.  So we settle for slipping in either early in the morning or just a bit before the sun is starting to make its trip downwards.  To him it’s still magical, to move across the water so still, as if we are one with everything else found here on the water.

Beloved also doesn’t like to travel in the rain, not on the water.  The boat is meant to keep us dry. Rain is wet.  To him it feels wrong to be wet while trying to find a dry form of transportation.  Me, I don’t mind watching the rain drops dance across the water, changing it from polished glass to an energetic dance floor.  Truthfully I have never stopped marveling at the way the water rain ends up melting in to the larger pool of water and becoming a still, reflecting mirror again.

Sometimes when the water is barely moving, the light is low, I will dream of slipping the boat back into the water and heading off to the memories from before.

Curiosity Layered Cake

Someone told me that if we all went back to the lessons we learned when we were little, everyone would be better for it. The idea is that if we learned to share more, nap when we were tired, get plenty of play time and find a way to be curious about things it would be better.

While I’m sure nap time was required, as was play time. I think I struggled with this whole concept of sharing as a young child. To be fair I still struggle with this concept even now, especially when it comes to cake, my technology, time with Beloved and space in the bed. And that’s just off the top of my head!

I think the one thing I’ve held most dearly to suggested list is the concept of curiosity. I think to go through life not getting curious about things, not learning and experimenting would be a rather boring existence indeed. I’m not sure a person could go through life with no curiosity, but perhaps there are a few people who can.

I cannot fathom being so bored, so disinterested in everything in life that I just kind of float through it all as it goes on around me. But is curiosity enough to make things better? I’m not sure. It gives me energy as well as exhaustion. Curiosity opens doors to me, but sometimes the timing of me walking through that door wasn’t ideal either.

I think we should add snack time to this list by the way. Cake specifically. Then with the power of cake and curiosity it might be the trick. For me.