I confess I take Beloved for granted. I don’t mean to do this. However, he makes it so darn easy to do.

He cooks without complaint. He runs all manner of errands without so much as a sigh or an eye roll. He happily behaves like my pack mule when we go into the markets. He goes along with the majority of my whims.

He is also just there, ready to go along with the flow while picking up on the things that I miss. He fits neatly into the jagged places and holes that are my life.

I tell him I love him. I show him how much I appreciate him. But the fact is, when I plan to do things, I take for granted that he will come along and partake in things the way I envisioned them.

How do you tell someone how grateful you are that they accept you completely as you are? How do you tell someone that they are the reason why you’ve been able to grow as a person? What do you do to make the playing field even?

Can You Hear Me?

We were supposed to board a ferry and go across to the island for a few hours. We had the tickets, all of the stuff we wanted to bring with us, and were there in plenty of time. So why did we miss the ferry?

Someone, who shall remain unnamed, decided he needed to check what they had the in the shop attached to the ferry launch. That same unnamed being had neither his watch nor his cellphone with him. It seems he also has the power of selective deafness as he was “unable to hear” the five calls to board the ferry that happened. He even missed the fact his name was called over the loudspeaker.

So we didn’t board the ferry, we didn’t go across to the island and we didn’t enjoy the historic site on the island. Instead, I watched that unnamed individual flip through photography books. Photography books that happened to be filled with pictures of the island. The island we were going to visit except we missed the ferry to get there.

Luckily the lady at the ticket booth reimbursed me for the tickets, saying her husband does the same thing. He simply becomes so absorbed in what he is doing he tunes everything else out. Is this a special super power that I missed out

What Happened Here?

I don’t know when, or how, but, somewhere along the lines, Beloved became that older person we all cringe around. The ones that yell at kids who dare to walk anywhere near the lawn.

I’m not sure exactly when this change happened, probably about the time he discovered that while he used to have a distaste for yardwork, he now finds something satisfying in a nicely cut lawn.

Whatever happened, whoever took his younger self, I will pay you a great deal to return him. I’m not sure I can handle living with a man who has suddenly acquired binoculars to ensure the neighborhood dogs do not leave him presents on his precious lawn.

Today I caught him identifying a chair as “his favorite” chair. He came in, after watering the lawn, and announced he was going to “sit in (my) favorite chair” and he wanted a few minutes to “rest”. Thankfully he did not nap while in his favorite chair, but honestly how far away can those times be?

Was he abducted by aliens and after a short experiment returned to me a good twenty years older than he should have been? Should I just roll with these changes, maybe discover my favorite chair and prepare for the early-bird specials when we go out? Maybe, when I wake up tomorrow he will be back to himself, or a younger version still!

Making It Harder

Do you have one of those people in your life who always seems to do things the hard way? It isn’t necessarily that they enjoy making things tougher on themselves, however, their decisions result in doing that very thing.

I knew a woman who was exceedingly talented and could have managed work in several different fields. Her issue was her ex-husband who was less than pleased that she had left him. He would try to sabotage her at her various places of employment and for whatever reason, she decided that this was why she should be only able to work low paying jobs.

I was curious why he always managed to find where she was working and create such issues for her. She updated her Facebook page, and while she may not have him as a friend, they had mutual friends on social media. Those mutual friends, no understanding the issues, would share information with him as to where she was working or living.

When I asked her why she didn’t keep things private, or not post things on her social media, she said that she wanted other people to know where she was and what she was doing.

She’s a nice lady and very talented, but she is also stubborn and refused to follow advice such as keeping things private. I’ve heard that she has recently had to switch jobs again because her ex-husband found her last place of work. I worry that this will be her future state of life since she won’t change how she does things. But I also wonder if she realizes how frustrating her behavior is.

Steps And Cookies

Did you ever dance on your father’s feet when you were little? Did you ever place your small feet upon his, holding on tightly while he walked across the floor with you?

My daddy used to let me do that all the time when I was little. Think toddler age. It was loads of fun and I probably could have spent hours on his feet, but he worked and had other things to do too.

Did you ever help your mother make cookies? Maybe you stole a taste of the raw batter before the cookies went in the over? I used to sit on the counter next to her while she made cookies, I got to help by dumping something in the bowl.

When I got bigger, I was allowed to stir the dough, which managed to go everywhere!

My father would have been tired after spending all day at work, and yet he found time and space to play with me. My mother hated making cookies, and yet she made them with me. To this day I hang onto these memories and feel my parents near me even though they aren’t.

What about you? What do you do to feel loved ones no longer near you? What memories do you pull up and instantly you can feel the love and the warmth of that person?

My Touchstones

Sometimes when it’s nice and still, in the middle of the night, I watch four-feet snuggle against Beloved content and safe in her sleep.  He doesn’t seem to feel her because he is sleeping as well. 

And in these times when I watch them, it is also like me watching my whole world resting safely and securely.  In those times nothing else matters.  Not the pain, not the health issues.  The only thing that matters is that my whole world is here and all is well.

I can spend hours watching them, knowing that somehow, no matter is thrown at the two of them, they will make it.  They always do.  And it makes me feel a bit better as I feel my own health slipping side ways at times.  I know she will be there for him and he will be there for her.  They will spend their nights resting safely against each other, secure in their love.

I’m not planning on anything dreadful happening and I’m in no hurry to leave these two.  Heck even when they drive me up a wall, I can’t help except to smile at them.  They bring out the best of me when I am at my worst.  The hold me safe and warm when I feel lost and far away.  They are my touchstones and I cannot imagine life without them.  More to the point, I can’t imagine them not together.

Rewards Of Sorts

Our four-year old neighbor has summed up life very simply. He proudly informed us that life is about doing what you don’t want to do so you can have a cookie.

If you think about it, he’s kind of right. Maybe you don’t want to go to work, but you want the money that comes from working. So you go to work, just to get the cookie, in this case pay. Maybe you don’t want to have to cut the lawn. But if you cut the lawn you can enjoy a nice cool drink while enjoying your garden.

There are lot of things in my life that I don’t want to do, sometimes it is work. Sometimes it is dusting the house. There are times I don’t want to cook a meal. But I want to eat. So you see, in order to eat I have to cook. That’s the cookie. As for the dusting of the house, I don’t want to sneeze, which is what happens if I don’t dust.

Frankly there should be more cookies in life and less I don’t want to. I suppose there are some people out there who have found a way to have way more cookies and less don’t want to do things. I am not one of those people. And speaking of cookies, I could use one right about now!