What Scares Me

Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome is a sneaky thing.  I’m not sure if it’s worse for the person who has it, or that person’s loved ones watching helplessly.

I’ve watched Beloved hide from bullets fired decades ago.  I watched him duck from explosive percussive waves that happened when he was a small child.  And there is nothing, nothing I can do to help him through those moments.

I’ve watched a grown man, a man so strong that nothing scares him (other than spiders and dirty dishes) become terrified at the sound of a fire crackling.  And I’ve seen him lock himself away from everyone and everything out of absolute fear.

I’ve held his hand on the coldest of nights while he has been seeing things I’ve never witnessed.  Mostly though I end up just sitting, waiting for him.  Waiting for him to come back to the present, to shake free from the past.  Not because that’s all I want to do, but because it is all I can do.

How or when the triggers kick in, I cannot figure out.  And I’m not always present with him when these happen.  I fear him being triggered when I’m not near, when no one who understands him and what he is going through is present.  Mostly I just fear that at some point I will lose him to this.



The four-footed one is a thief.  And she has no shame in her thieving ways.  (I’m not talking her stealing my heart.  That’s a given that she’d do that and to be honest, I have basically offered it to her.)

Friends this wee companion of mine steals from me.  She manages to steal the blankets and covers at night when we are sleeping in the bed.  Okay so she sleeps on top of my bed, but some how she still steals blankets and covers.  I’m pretty sure if given the chance she would steal the pillows too!

She steals my favorite chair and claims it for her resting spot, regardless of whether I am home to sit in the chair or not.  And yes I know I’m bigger than her.  I can pick her up.  But did I mention she is a beast with teeth?

She has stolen my socks as well.  Not to chew on, but to give to her babies (stuffed toys) because they clearly need my socks to be happy.  And when you take the socks back, she waits and bids her time to do it all over again.

She has no need to steal any of these items.  She has been provided with blankets and comfort items for her toys.  She has been provided many dog beds and a lap to curl up on.  And yet she continues to steal from me.

Spa Wonderful

The four-footed one went to the spa today.  A new spa at that.  She seemed to enjoy her day and according ton the lady who greeted me there were no issues.  Which is a huge relief because the last time at the groomers had the four-footed one anything but calm or relaxed.

But she looked like she didn’t mind her day at all.  She got a nice bath, a new style, a pedicure (well her nails trimmed) and some treats.  So from her point of view I guess the trade-off was worth it.  She wasn’t even in a hurry to come and see me when I showed up to pick her up. Nope she was enjoying the attention from the staff.

Hopefully we’ve found the new spar or her.  One where she can relax, get a massage when she has a bath, have her pedicure and get her coat sorted.  And I can take her there without bribes or anything.

Time will tell I guess, but at any rate today was a win.  And for people who don’t get it, going to the groomers is a big deal to most dogs.  Finding one that isn’t too stressful is a wonderful thing.

Something New

Sometimes you just have to try something new.  Maybe it’s a new place to eat, a new hairstyle or article of clothing.  And then again, if you happen to be the four-footed companion, it means a new place to walk.

Today she was all about going on a completely new adventure, with her leading the charge into the great unknown aka a park she had never been to before.  She was confident and bold as she made her way through the open area. She sniffed and she ran.  She was unstoppable as she headed for the trees.

She dashed about the first several feet into the treed area before she heard something. Something she hadn’t heard before. Something that made her unsure.  I had no idea that hawks were now in this area, but there is was announcing it’s presence with its own voice.  And there was the four-footed one, no longer wanting to be in the trees, or chasing after whatever had caught her attention.

So she came and stood right next to me, pushing me back the way we had come, as if the bird wouldn’t be able to follow us.  Once we were out in the open, she played a little and then pushed to head home.  Because sometimes when you try something new, you realize you like what you already know better than this new thing you’ve found.

What’s In A Name

For some reason, this time of year is the time of casseroles.  At least according to a few of my good friends.  One goes so far as to say that a good casserole is like a hug and who doesn’t want hugs around Christmas?

And so over the course of the day, I have been handed casseroles to get me through the long, dark winter nights when I don’t have time to cook.  Basically I should be good for a few months if I don’t  eating the same casserole dish for a week, before moving into the next casserole.  Which typically isn’t an issue.  And besides, it’s a hug I can pull out of the freezer when I need one.

One of the casseroles dropped off today was something lovingly referred to as “Chicken Crack Casserole Delight”.   The friend who made and delivered this dish has assured me it is every bit as addictive as crack.

Naturally I had to ask how she knows it’s that addictive.  And if she has had or at least tried crack in the past.  For the record, she has not tried crack, she’s going by what others have told her, although she did let slip that she cannot say for sure that these third parties have tried crack either.  But hey, what’s in a name!

Diva Dog

Some people have pets that can detect when the person is ill or requires medical intervention. I have a pet that thinks I should ignore my health issues and cater to her every need and whim.  As a matter of fact my dog has decided that my sole purpose in life is to not only give her what she wants, but to anticipate her desires before she has them fully formed.

It hasn’t been an ideal day lupus wise.  I woke up feeling rather achy and crummy and it just got worse as the day wore on.  I tried stretches, gentle rubs and finally medication. And had no relief.  But did the dog care?

No she did not!  She demanded play time and running around.  She demanded attention and while I was resting with her, she took the comfortable part of the bed.  Icing on this cake of a day is that she also took the blanket I threw on while resting.

Therapy dog she is not.  Guide or aide dog?  Nope she is neither of those.  She is, however, a bratty diva of a dog.  A much-loved bratty diva, but there are days I might question my sanity with her.  And yet, despite how awful I feel and how demanding she is, now that she’s curled up and asleep on my legs, it’s all worthwhile!

Just The Spot

Have you ever found the most perfect spot, be it in your bed or in a chair, only to have to leave that spot shortly after finding it?  This doesn’t happen often for me, this finding the perfect spot, but it seems when I do find it something makes me move.

Earlier today, in the small hours of the morning, I discovered that very spot where I could just slip back to sleep.  And then bam, I woke up because it was time to get up.  I had just enjoyed that spot only to have to leave it.

Rest assured, the four-footed one enjoyed the spot on my behalf.  She tends to do that.  I think she sends me subliminal messages so I will leave any spot she covets.  So just because I think I need to make sure I turned the oven off, it’s really her sending me those messages so she can steal the whole chair.  And she will happily maintain control of that perfect spot for hours upon end.

And I will be searching for a new perfect or almost perfect spot somewhere else.  Yes I know, once I find that spot, she does an assessment of the two spots to see if she needs to usurp my new position.

I assume this giving up of perfect spots happens to everyone due to calls of nature, alarms and what have you.  Am I right?!