There are certain smells that, no matter what you do, you cannot “fix”. You know what I mean. You cook fish and that smell decides to take up residence in your house. And not just in the air. It nestles into the soft furniture, clings to the curtains and makes sure everyone knows you cooked fish. (Not that there is anything wrong with this.)
Perhaps you have candles or a magical diffuser to help remove or at least make the smell. Maybe you have a spray that removes the odour, or at least you hope it does. And if you hope enough, and are desperate enough you can convince yourself it works.
There are some smells that linger in your nose long after you have left the area where the smell was. And today was one of those days where I was unfortunate enough to have to smell the aroma of a malfunctioning sewer. In my workplace. All day long.
And after I left the workplace, the smell seemed to have seeped into my pores, following me everywhere. No spritzing, wafting or lighting of candles could remove the smell. No amount of washing and scrubbing worked. Even though I know that the smell was left behind at the workplace, mind says the smell is still clinging to me. And I feel compelled to let people I encounter know that if I smell, it’s not me!
The four-footed one went to the spa today. A new spa at that. She seemed to enjoy her day and according ton the lady who greeted me there were no issues. Which is a huge relief because the last time at the groomers had the four-footed one anything but calm or relaxed.
But she looked like she didn’t mind her day at all. She got a nice bath, a new style, a pedicure (well her nails trimmed) and some treats. So from her point of view I guess the trade-off was worth it. She wasn’t even in a hurry to come and see me when I showed up to pick her up. Nope she was enjoying the attention from the staff.
Hopefully we’ve found the new spar or her. One where she can relax, get a massage when she has a bath, have her pedicure and get her coat sorted. And I can take her there without bribes or anything.
Time will tell I guess, but at any rate today was a win. And for people who don’t get it, going to the groomers is a big deal to most dogs. Finding one that isn’t too stressful is a wonderful thing.
Apparently carrots just fall randomly out of the sky, or perhaps the ceiling n my house. I’m pretty sure that’s the theory the dog is working off of. And it is kind of my fault. Because I dropped a carrot off the counter and onto the floor. which suddenly means carrots basically rain down in my house.
The four-footed one has taken to walking around looking up at the ceiling all the time, just in case. So far she has walked into one wall and just about hit a door while glancing up.
Now I thought she’d keep this to the kitchen, after all that’s where the carrot fell. But nope not my girl. She is hopeful and eager. Every room has suddenly come into having the potential of offering carrots from above.
Pperhaps to her it is a bit like mana from heaven. Only n this case she isn’t wandering in a wasteland so much as the house. And the carrots aren’t falling every day for food because she gets dog food and water all the time. So wander on my four-footed friend, wander on as you wonder when the carrot will fall next. Or if it will fall again.
Now and then my treatment gets the best of me. It doesn’t happen often, or all the time. But when it does happen, it can seem like a never-ending trip through a dark tunnel.
On those days, the ones where treatment leaves me feeling like I’ve been run through an industrial shredded before being driven over by a steamroller, I may yearn for nothing more than continued sleep. The kind of sleep that takes over absolutely everything, the kind of sleep that lets you forget.
Some times on those days I don’t have the luxury of finding that sleep. I have things that need doing and no one else to do them, especially if Beloved isn’t around.
The dog needs her outings, bills need to be paid and life ticks on. So I drag myself as far as I can with the four-footed one. I battle through the pain, exhaustion and sickness as best I can. The four-footed hasn’t been able to grasp just how useless I am during these days.
When I can, I collapse and hope she will just settle down next to me at least for a little while. The days of treatment taking more control of my life may be becoming more frequent and it’s not exactly unexpected. Nor is it the first time I’ve faced this. However this is the first time I may have to face more and more of it with just the four-footed one. So maybe she will learn.
Beloved walked along the ridge, overlooking the turbulent water swearing this was a place no one ever got to leave. So I took him with me, away from the ridge, the rocks and the water. I took him back from the rain and the dreary atmosphere. To a land of sun, tall grasses and laughter.
He walked along the twisting path, climbing the rocks to over look the valley. I told him he had managed to leave the place he swore no one ever did. He smiled and said “aye lass to be sure I have, and yet it’s still here” as he pointed at his heart. And I realized in that moment, unlike myself, a child of the world and no set place as home, Beloved would always yearn to be back there among the rocks and the water with the rain in his face.
We went back to his place, after a year of being away. It seemed a bit colder, more dreary and yet somehow brighter because of the look on Beloved’s face as he beamed about being home. He ran back to the ridge, the rocks and the water the next day, telling me that no one could ever really leave it and be truly happily. No matter how many different paths a man could take, this place would call him back home time and time again.
And I knew if I were to keep him, I’d have to keep that place as well as my desire to remain rootless in balance. Some how. Because no matter how flexible and strong Beloved may seem to be, the roots and rocks of his land always draw him home in a way I never can.
Sometimes you just have to try something new. Maybe it’s a new place to eat, a new hairstyle or article of clothing. And then again, if you happen to be the four-footed companion, it means a new place to walk.
Today she was all about going on a completely new adventure, with her leading the charge into the great unknown aka a park she had never been to before. She was confident and bold as she made her way through the open area. She sniffed and she ran. She was unstoppable as she headed for the trees.
She dashed about the first several feet into the treed area before she heard something. Something she hadn’t heard before. Something that made her unsure. I had no idea that hawks were now in this area, but there is was announcing it’s presence with its own voice. And there was the four-footed one, no longer wanting to be in the trees, or chasing after whatever had caught her attention.
So she came and stood right next to me, pushing me back the way we had come, as if the bird wouldn’t be able to follow us. Once we were out in the open, she played a little and then pushed to head home. Because sometimes when you try something new, you realize you like what you already know better than this new thing you’ve found.
Tthere is something to be said about shoulders. When I was a young child I rode on my father’s shoulders! One of my favourite places to be and not just for the view! For some odd reason though, my father had a limit to carrying me this way, weight and height restrictions apparently.
I recall nestling my head, when tired and sick, on a comforting shoulder. I’m not sure they were super comfortable as per say, but it worked at the time.
My bag went over my shoulders to make carrying my heavy schoolbooks too and fro with out too much issue when I was in school. I once tried carrying my books in a different bag and everything seemed so much heavier that way.
I’ve unloaded m burdens on Beloved’s shoulders, both figuratively and literally. I’ve taken refuge from the horrors of the world on Beloved’s shoulders. I’ve held on to his shoulders when I needed something to grab as I was navigating my way across a strange stone covers landscape.
I’ve felt the weight of adulthood, mortality and fear rest on my shoulders without asking permission first. I’ve felt pain from the weight and somehow made space and strength to allow Beloved to place his burdens or part of his burdens on my shoulders to.
And I’ve never once stopped to consider how amazing shoulders are, or how I’ve taken for granted how they just carrying on shouldering everything in life.
Some people can sleep in their bed and wake up with barely messed up sheets. Other people sleep on their bed and wake up with the bed in such disarray they might just have to make it from scratch again.
When Beloved wakes up, it looks as if a tornado has gone through the bed. Pillows will be scattered across the floor, sheets in twisted messes here and there. Sometimes the mattered isn’t even fully on the bed any more.
And when he wakes up,he’s always refreshed and some how surprised at the violence and distraction of his sleep. He will say he didn’t even moral that much, he had such a relaxing sleep.
Try sleeping next to that and I promise you won’t be having a relaxing or refreshing sleep. You may in fact discover that you can’t sleep with all the flailing, tossing and turning involved. So when he wakes up all bright-eyed and well rested, you look like a zombie in dire need of coffee.
The fix? Separate beds so his sleeping tornado is confined to, well, his room and you can be rested and relaxed with the added bonus of not having to make that mess back into a bed because you neither slept in that bed, nor did you make the mes. You were resting peacefully in your neat bed.
The four-footed one encountered ice cream today. Dog ice cream. It wasn’t intentional on my part. I had to pick up some items for her and she likes to go to this one particular store. (The owners love her and spoil her rotten.)
Going to a dog store typically means the dog will get samples or treats. Apparently the human with the dog will then spend money, extra money mind you, on those treats which the dog just sampled. At least that’s the theory.
Frankly at this store, I’m pretty sure she gets enough treats, if I don’t put a stop to it, to become a full meal or two.
Anyway we went to the store and while I was getting what I needed she was given a sample of dog ice cream. Which looks like freeze-dried ice cream. And she, unlike her owner, is an ice cream kind of girl. She went through all of her tricks, including the hard ones, for ice cream rewards. She was shameless and proud. And when we left, she was full of ice cream for dogs.
Much to her disappointment I am sure, I did not purchase any of this ice cream. For the cord, it was a new treat and ey didn’t have for sale, so the store owner told me before I even asked.
I read an article the other day. An article about a man who not only planned his own funeral, but also purchased all the items necessary for it. So his family wouldn’t have to be burden with those tasks and expenses when he died.
On the surface, in some ways, it’s a lovely story of family love. Here was a man who was making sure he provided for his family even in those trying times after his passing. A man who didn’t want his wife to worry about getting everything together.
Except the rest of the story wasn’t so lovely. You see this man couldn’t keep up with his loans and such and ended up taking his own life. As part of the process, he made sure his family would have all the items for when he died. That way they wouldn’t have to spend more money in their time of grief.
And suddenly a lovely story is one of sadness in a different way. You see this man, by taking his own life, ends his obligations to pay the loans and such, however his remaining family could still be expected to make payments on some of these loans. So they’d be left to grieve at the same time they are trying to make high payments back. Sometimes being prepared is not going to lessen the burden and probably never lessen the Grief.
So there you man’s family, now grieving for him, wondering how they could have misunderstood his “errands” which is what he said he was running when he purchased the required items for his own funeral, still trying to make sense of things as they try to cover the debts.