I Would Have Said That

While I was waiting in line, I overheard a little girl explain to a woman how it was important to be beautiful. If the girl was five or six, that was it. And she was already talking about the importance of appearance.

The woman smiled at her and said that it was important to look your best, be as beautiful as you can be and not let the uglies out.

Friends, a part of me wanted to tell this little girl that beauty was in the eye of the beholder. But I said nothing. I didn’t know if it was my place. But I wonder what she will grow up to think.

If she were my child, I would tell her she is beautiful. Beauty isn’t an external thing as much as a state of being. I would tell her that appearance is important. It is important to show up, be there, and do the work to be the best you can be in work, school, and life.

If she were my child, I would tell her that there is place for ugly moods. It is okay to have ugly or bad moods. And holding them in is not healthy.

I didn’t say any of that. She wasn’t my child. I wasn’t sure it was my place to say it. (Sure call me chicken.) But I also held my tongue because I didn’t know what the girl or the woman meant by their comments and I didn’t want to take it on my assumptions. But if I she were my child, if I felt it was my place, I would have said all that.

Lie Down With The Dog

The four-footed one crawled up to rest near my shoulder. She had claimed her spot in the bed for now and didn’t care that in doing so, Beloved would have to wiggle into bed.

It wasn’t just the spot she had settled into made it a challenge for Beloved. It was also due to the small, fact, just a tiny one, that she was not in the bed, she was on top of the covers. And when she wants to, she is an exceedingly effective weight to hold down the covers.

Sure she doesn’t weigh much. Sure she isn’t that big. Yes Beloved could have picked her up and relocated her. But he has tender skin. Not that she would bite him. She isn’t that mean. She will, however, place her teeth with slight pressure upon soft, unprotected human flesh. This is fairly common if she is suddenly woken up or disturbed from her dozing state.

So he wiggled and squirmed his way slowly into the bed. He claimed it was a bit like a limbo, yoga, and ninja moves. From my perspective, already in the bed, it was a whole lot of shaking going on.

And once he was in the bed, the four-footed one decided she no longer could rest where she had been. Instead she got up, stretched and went to rest right beside him!

I Was Going To…

“I was going to” or “I was gonna” are common phrases that fall easily from Beloved’s lips. I hear it at least once a day. “I was going to do that” may be said before he explains to me why he hasn’t done something and I find myself doing it instead.

“I was going to go…” he may offer and then he will provide a very reasonable explanation for why he didn’t go there.

Sometimes he gets creative and provides me with something along the lines of this: I was going to do this, but I needed to do x first, and I was going to do x, but y came up… I mean there is so much intention happening in that statement, what do you do?

I know things come up, I understand that. I also understand that the best of intentions may result in no plans being reached. I get this because I have done the same thing. I just tend to not say “I was going to” all the time when explaining why I haven’t done or gone somewhere already.

It is natural to be able to provide a reason for why you couldn’t follow through with something. But do you always have to say “I was going to” or “I was gonna”?

Pumpkin Spice This

I may have mentioned this before, but I like pumpkins. There is something about their cheerful orangeness. Their shapes, pleats, even their stubby steams all appeal to me.

Naturally you may assume I would like pumpkin pie. I don’t. I don’t mind savory items made of pumpkin, but I’m not into sweets made with pumpkin.

And this time of year it seems you can’t go anywhere without being exposed to some form of pumpkin spice. From coffee to teas, from room scents to air fresheners, it seems pumpkin spice is surrounding us.

You might think I like pumpkin spice. Don’t worry, Beloved used to think that as well. He used to come home with pumpkin spiced coffees or teas and then wonder why I barely drank the things. Because I couldn’t really get my head, or tastebuds, around pumpkin and coffee.

You will never find me standing in line waiting for pumpkin spice anything. The only thing I get excited about when it comes to pumpkin spice is when the season is done. So while everyone is rushing about having their pumpkin spice fixes, all I’m thinking about is how you can pumpkin spice this gesture. You know the one. It is an adult gesture made with a specific finger. And no it isn’t directed at you, not even if you love pumpkin spice. It is directed at the horror that is pumpkin spice though!

Putting It Off

Hi everyone. I have a confession to make. I am a procrastinator. I always have been. It isn’t because I’m afraid of doing things, well okay sometimes I am.

I procrastinate for a number of different reasons. When I have to do a chore I don’t like, I will procrastinate until the very end. I’m not going to rush headlong into a chore or task I dislike. And I will find things that require my attention more than that chore/task.

I procrastinate when I don’t feel that I have enough information to do the work properly. You may think I have enough information. As a matter of fact you may think that I have everything I need, but if I’m not feeling that way, I will go out of my way to get “enough” information before I start doing anything. I like to think of it as being prepared and able to exceed what is required.

I procrastinate when I’m not motivated to do the work. Sure I know it needs to be done. But I’m not “feeling” it. And if I’m not “feeling” it, chances are it will drop down on my priority list. It isn’t anything personal, I just don’t have the motivation to do what you have or want.

I have heard of people who procrastinate because they are afraid of making a mistake. Others procrastinate because they are afraid of starting something new or getting feedback.

I’m pretty sure if I put my mind to it, I could come up with other reasons why I put it off, but I really need to stop doing that. Because it becomes a form of procrastination.

Not For The First Time

Beloved and I had been invited to go out for a meal with our neighbors. It was a spur of the moment invitation and Beloved just accepted for the both of us.

Naturally by the time I had a shower and got ready, lupus had discovered the invitation and decided to tag along. Now I’ve tried to reason with lupus, but there is no reasoning with an overactive autoimmune illness. It just ignores you and does what it wants. I’ve also begged and pleaded with lupus, but lupus just smiles and says sharing is caring. For the record, yelling at lupus does nothing either.

I figured I could make it easily through the meal and back since we weren’t going far and it wasn’t going to be an overly taxing, so I just shrugged and carried on getting ready.

Lupus decided to behave by keeping things low key throughout the meal for the most part. I knew though that walking out was going to be about the end of it. Still, for a nice meal out with friends, I could manage things as they were. Besides I could easily use Beloved to assist me in walking out etc.

Which is basically what ended up happening. It isn’t the first nor will it be the last time this happens. Although I doubt I will ever get used to the potential sight we make as I struggle to remain walking in a “dignified” manner.

Water Features

I’ve always wanted a moat. Not for defensive purposes, but as a nice water feature to surround my house. I’ve never had a moat. They typically come with castles. Castles can be hard to come by, but I did manage to acquire one a while back.

Beloved gave me a cardboard castle one year as a gag gift. The problem with my castle is that I can’t fill my moat with water and still have the castle keep being a castle. And friends let me tell you, a blue paper filled moat does not really scream water feature.

Realizing that the cardboard castle wasn’t going to cut it with the water feature, Beloved decided to provide me with a fountain today. Sure he could have gone to the store and bought a fountain. But that would be ordinary.

Beloved strives to do things that are not ordinary. So he made the fountain. By cracking the water hose when he was watering the flowers, he made a lovely water feature or beautifully arcing fountain. The only problem was, he ended up getting soaked in the process.

I guess in a way he attempted the moat today as well, because where the hose cracked, water started to puddle into a low area which isn’t that far from the side of the house. It just doesn’t go all the way around the house. But when you don’t have the money for a castle, you take what you get.