I wanted so much to get everything just right. I wanted to have things baked to welcome him home. I wanted his favorite meal prepared and I wanted the house just so.
I started out strong, a trip to the grocery store (shudder) to buy all things needed. I went early to avoid crowds etc. Which made it far better than if there were crowds.
I came home and rolled up my sleeves, figuratively because I wasn’t wearing long sleeves, and got to work. I measured and poured. I stirred and fold. I kneaded and tossed and I baked and cooled.
And then I collapsed. I ran out of steam, the train left the station without me. My get up and go, got up and got going and left behind an exhausted and painful version of me.
Enter Lupus. She had been hiding, waiting for that moment, the one where I let my guard down, got busy and didn’t notice any of the signs that she was nosing around. And now, when I couldn’t ignore her presence she was there.
She, apparently detests a clean house more than my cooking for she let me cook before stole my energy. I imagine she was hungry and that’s why I was allowed to cook. But she isn’t a fan of change, even subtle change such as moving the furniture for a good cleaning.
My desire to have things just so for Beloved’s arrival let me struggle through and get most of the cleaning done, although not as well as I would have liked. And then I collapsed, feeling Lupus now running through my body like wildfire. She covered ground quickly, leaving no space of my body untouched.
Beloved arrived to an utterly exhausted me, the me with the flushed face of Lupus. The me with the joints that were swollen and require oiling. The me that is not much fun. The me I try to hide from him and friends.
And once again he reminded me I didn’t need to do any if these things, that it was enough for me to just be there and share with him. He wasn’t angry, nor disappointed. He just reminded me that food and clean houses are nice, but it’s the time with a person that’s most important.
So well I rest up, trying to find energy, he is the one who is cooking and cleaning. Whistling even because he’s happy we are together. I wish I had his grace and understanding. I’m blessed to have some one like him as a partner and equally blessed to have amazing friends who also come with grace, understanding and compassion.
So while Lupus may be active and running free, I am still winning! 😉