Some people have Easter Egg Hunts in their backyards. At Easter time. But that’s not how it works at my house.
It isn’t that I planned to have, or not have, any type of hunt in my backyard. It just sort of happened today. The four-footed one was the one doing all the hunting. For peanuts. Which were hidden by the magpies and crows. Except I don’t think the birds actually meant to hide anything, rather I think the peanuts were inadvertently dropped by the birds.
And my job? Well my job was to get the peanuts away from the four-footed one before she ate them. None of this however was what I had planned to do today. Of course none of that matters to ether the four-footed or the birds. And so my plans suddenly included a half hour adventure of hunting for dropped peanuts in our lawn.
After that, well it was a bit of rushing around to get back on schedule, but at least I managed to get extra steps in today! And yes, it goes to show that our house is a bit unconventional, but that’s okay. We like it this way!
I never, in a million years, thought I’d consider spending a chilly, windy day filled with sunshine spent on a patio as a day well sent. Of course there was also a time when I never thought I’d be this old. Of course I also never considered I would be chronically ill or having to chase new dreams.
And yet today I spent sitting on a lovely patio, surrounded by beautiful red flowers, the four-footed one on my lap with a delicious coffee in my hand. Beloved sat across from me, each of us with books to read when the feeling moved us. The four-footed one was content to rest on my lap, shielded from the wind. It was because of her that we were sitting outside rather than inside to begin with.
There was a time when I would have said I wasting my time, sitting there with a book and the dog. That was before I learned to enjoy the simple things and to not need to fill every waking moment with an activity. Part of this comes from maturing (okay I’ve not matured that much that I’m unable to giggle at double entendres), part of this comes from the four-footed one and part of this comes from lupus.
While I have strong feelings about lupus and can tick off many negative things it’s brought to my life, I can also find the blessings it has brought me. Such as just sitting and reading can be a wonderful experience. Enjoying the simple, mundane things is not boring, but extremely pleasurable. Especially when you are spending time with people you care about. So sure I never thought I’d enjoy spending my time this way, it that’s because I never tried it before.
The faint smell of wood smoke rode in on the slight breeze. Had the breeze been any stronger I’m not certain we’d be walking down this path. It would have been too cold be far to enjoy the walk.
As t was the our four-footed companion seemed to have the entire area to herself. At least as far as other dogs were concerned. She did encounter a few ducks just sitting on the water near where a feeding station was set up. The Ducks were either too relaxed or too cold to care when she approached their feed. There were squirrels and birds n the trees, but they stayed out of our reach. Towards the far side of the water a pair of swans were gliding together.
It was as if the chill in the air managed to slow down the animals, none of them seemed to mind e four-footed one’s rushing too and fro. The ignored the crashing and thudding of Beloved’s feet as she pulled him along. I limped along slowly behind them, my joints stiff and sore. I wondered which of the two of them would be more muddy, and did we bring enough towels. But then I stopped caring and just focused on one foot in front of the other as I walked with lupus.
Beloved and the four-footed one did the loop around the lake twice before I had even finished half way around. Beloved’s shoes were a bit muddy, but his cheeks had a red glow and the smile that covered his face said everything was good in their world.
We finished the way around, me still going slow and steady, Beloved and the four-footed one content now that they had explored the areas and found what needed finding. Initially we had planned to let her spend as long as she wanted at the water, but my slowness and the cold made us change our minds. She had managed two and a half good loops and would probably rest on the drive home.
Beloved set the car up, grabbed a blanket for me and off we went. His chilled hands gripped the steering wheel while I had the blanket across my sore legs, the dog resting on top of the blanket. We’d stop for some apples before we made it home, but only Beloved would get out of the car. And at home, I already knew that the four-footed one and I would slowly make it up the stairs to rest on the bed while Beloved found himself some food.
I had hoped that walking with lupus would make me feel better, or at least move lupus to the back seat, but it gave lupus energy it seems. And so now I rest. Just as the four-footed one rests from al her rushing about.
I never thought my house would be home to antlers. I can’t address where these antlers came from in terms of the animals they belonged to before they came into my house. (I may have missed the day they were teaching this.). But if you don’t care which animal the antler is from, I may have just the one for you.
I have soft ones for puppies and dogs that don’t like to chew on hard things. I have medium-sized ones and some extra hard ones. I have ignored antlers, antlers still in their packaging and others that are more than half used already. I have ones that the four-footed one considers to be her most treasured items, and others that have been discarded like a used tissue. (A word of warning, if the antler you want is one of her most treasured items you will learn that she likes to chew on this. Hard things and soft things alike. The human arm provides her with soft flesh and followed by hard, crunchy bone. Not that she’s ever bitten me, but I’ve also not been foolish enough to steal her treasured antler.)
And to think, it al started with one small antler she was given as a gift from one of my friends. Somehow that one antler screamed out to people that I need more of these in my life. Of course it’s screaming we aren’t consciously aware of. And now, well now I basically have an assorted collection of antlers.
As I’ve said before, I hate asking for help. I also hate feeling guilty, two things that lupus tests regularly. When my hands are giving me issues, I’m forced to seek help with opening of jars, carrying items and yes sometimes tying my shoes. And is makes me feel guilty for taking away someone’s time for simple tasks I should be able to do on my own. Except I have lupus.
I also hate feeling inadequate and insecure. Lupus, at times, makes me feel highly inadequate in my profession, my relationships and sometimes just in living life. It isn’t that people who have lupus a are adequate n these areas, for they are far from inadequate. It’s just that sometimes lupus makes recalling things challenging. This in turn can make discussions and debates a bit of a challenge. While no one is perfect, I set high expectations for myself with the end result being that some days, lupus makes it hard to reach those expectations. And when that happens, I feel inadequate.
Because I need to rest more, say no more, it can make me feel inadequate in my relationships. The need to weigh the importance of doing something with one person at the cost of not doing something with someone else, well yes this can result in feeling of inadequacy as well.
As for living life, well there are times it’s all I can do to get myself out of bed and grab a shower. After that I have no energy left and so I sit on the sidelines waiting to be better. And it feel so so if life is passing me by. And sometimes these things makes me feel inadequate.
However these are feelings, not realities. Lupus does not make me any less adequate for anything I’ve mentioned above. As a matter of fact in some ways lupus has made me more than adequate in assessing what is really important to spend my time on. Lupus has made me more than adequate at fighting for what I want, my dreams. I may feel inadequate, but I am anything but that. I am stronger and more able to adapt to changes because of lupus.
The four-footed one decided to adopt. At first she wanted a tiny bunny to bring home, but given her penchant for shaking anything smaller than her, this didn’t seem ideal for the living creature. Besides I’m pretty sure mama rabbit would have frowned upon the four-footed one’s idea of taking care of her off-spring.
Next she attempted to adopt a fully grown squirrel, not the squirrel wasn’t too keen on being carried by four-feet if it meant being carried in by the court-footed one’s mouth. Can’t say I blame the squirrel one bit. And I don’t think the squirrel was really looking to be adopted as much as it was looking for a way to get some nuts without being attacked by anything.
After these two attempts the four-footed one opted to adopt a small clump of the neighbor’s mulch. It seemed like an ideal adoption with the mulch being as low-maintenance as possible. Evidently it was too low-maintenance and she lost interest in it.
She successfully managed to adopt three tiny meerkats today. She is very happy with them and helps them escape from their meerkat house. She also helps them relocate them throughout my house. In the few hours they have come to live with us, I have found one meerkat underneath my bed, another tucked into the corner of a closet and the last one hiding underneath the four-footed one’s bed.
Thankfully these meerkat don’t mind being carried in the dog’s mouth and they seem pleased as punch no matter what she does to them. Of course these are not the real thing. She adopted meerkat dog toys and she couldn’t be happier.
The price of the meerkats, less than twenty dollars. The joy the bring her, priceless.
A friend phoned to say he was stopping by for a coffee and a chat. He said he’d be arriving by two pm. He phoned back a half hour later to say his plans had changed and he wasn’t sure he would be able to arrive as his wife had decided to join him on some errands.
Two pm came and went as did three and four. By this time I had decided to just get on with the other things I had postponed as I had no desire to be elbow deep in gooey dough when guests arrived. So I pulled out my supplies, I measured and I mixed. As I was getting one item into the oven to bake, my phone rang. Thankfully I had just cleaned my hands and was in between gooey dough on hand moments.
It was my friend again, apologizing for not making earlier. He thought he’d swing by around six or six thirty at the latest if that was alright. Given my other plans I told him that I was busy until six thirty and had only an hour I could spend visiting with him. He seemed fine with this.
At six fifteen his wife phoned me to give me a piece of her mind. Evidently my time stipulations were rude in her eyes. She said that they had taken longer than they had planned because after errands she insisted he have lunch with her. And then she wanted some things done around the house. She really wanted him home until at least eight tonight and she couldn’t understand why I wasn’t more accommodating towards their schedule.
I was left rather speechless by all of this. I was left even more speechless when my friend arrived looking more than a little exhausted. As he grabbed a comfortable chair and accepted a drink he told me that his marriage is going to be the death of him. His wife, he said, expects him to work off her schedule and plans when he isn’t lecturing. His weekends belong to her, he said with a grimace.
Not really being in his situation, I could only sit and listen to him, which is really all he wanted anyway. Before he was leaving my house, his wife phoned him to make sure he was on his way home and the dam of silence I had built finally broke. I told him about the phone call I received from his wife before he came over.
I felt awful for telling him what I did, but I couldn’t let go on thinking that she was only telling him things. I felt he needed to know that on top of her dictating his spare time, she was trying to control his time through his friends.
Perhaps I was wrong and out-of-place, but I’d hope if Beloved was that controlling me that way someone would bring it to my attention.