When The Blues Aren’t That Blue

B.B. King was signing about how he gave her seven children and now she wants to give them back, while delicious smells were making their way to where I was.  Normally Beloved leaves the blues to me, as he finds them too, well down beat.  I enjoy the blues, especially while baking.  It seems like Belovd was borrowing a page from my book.  At least it seemed that way from where I was.

The reality was a bit different.  Belived was in fact baking, oatmeal scones made with toasted oatmeal.  What I was smelling was him toasting the oatmeal in the oven for the scones.  The music?  It seems that the online radio was stuck.  On the station I listen to. Try as he might, Beloved was unable to get the station to change.  He gave up and just got on with business of baking.  Because it was a surprise.  For me.

He hasn’t made these scones in forever and a day.  But after a few less than stellar days of lupus news and symptoms, he decided I needed the scones.  Not a peace-offering, just a means of helping me feel better.  But what really made me smile more than the scones was Beloved signing to B.B. King.  Because Beloved isn’t a blues singer, more opera than the blues so it makes for a bigger smile on my face.  Because life is made up of these little moments filled with big smiles despite adversity and, well, the blues.

That’s My Dog Or…

I was positive that my four-footed one was a purebred.  As in 100% dog.  All dog.  So red she has odd behaviours such as slithering across the floor like a snake.  I’m pretty sure she enjoys the feeling, and perhaps the confusion it creates for me.

I’ve come to notice another trait with her.  She seems to be part cat, in that she is constantly grooming herself just like one.  I’m waiting for the day she brings up her first hairball! 😕  Or is that fur-ball?  😮 Either way I’m just waiting for this moment and it isn’t await I am carrying out with joy either.  Or perhaps she will demand a litter-box next.

She has shown great curiosity with the litter-boxes on the shelves in the pet stores.  If they were filled with  litter and other stuff, I could understand her curiosity.  But litter-boxes that are still in cardboard boxes? This I do not understand.

Is this because I have been feeding her fish?  Has this triggered some dormant cat gene within her background?  Or is this part of her personality?  Not that it matters in the end, other than for her health.  If she is part cat or just a slightly odd dog it doesn’t matter, I still love her unconditionally.  Just as she loves me.

Thrown For A Loop, Lupus Style

It’s not been an ideal day.  It started off with a dreaded eye appointment.  I used to enjoy visiting with my eye specialist, after all it was just precautions from lupus and the meds I take.  But then, well lupus happened.  And suddenly my eye sight has been failing me which has resulted in much-needed eye tests that weren’t pleasant.

And the results of the eye tests today were less than ideal.  They were actually worse than I had expected.  They were, in fact, worse than the specialist had expected.  He apologized for my results, as if he had something to do with them, rather than just interpreting and relying them.

We both knew that my eyes would show some signs of failure, we just didn’t think they would be as bad as they were.  But now we know, so we have made plans and new glasses have been ordered.  And we will visit more frequently.

Now that’s the positive spin, and it’s one I’ve shared with a few friends who asked how the appointment went today.  That’s the way I cope with lupus.  Except that’s not the whole picture of how I cope.

You see I didn’t just move right from disappointment to setting up more meetings with my specialist.  Sure his office immediately booked other appointments, but I wasn’t all sunshine or positive at first.  And oh no.  I was angry at losing one more piece of myself to this illness.  I was furious that the ,educations I take to control my lupus are partially to blame for my eye issues.  I grieved for my loss and I was (to be honest I still am) scared for my future.

However, I am still able to function and still able to be a face of, and voice for, finding a cure for the cruel illness, the chronic roller coaster that lupus has brought to my life.

Something Borrowed, Something Blue and Now Something New

The four-footed one “borrowed” a toy from the vet’s.  I didn’t know she had the toy until we were home.  The vet’s office was closed by the time I was home and realized we had “borrowed” a toy.  When I phoned to get the hours for when the office was next open, I discovered we were going to be borrowing this toy for rough a week.  And of course the four-footed one doesn’t seem to grasp the difference between borrowing and mine.  It’s a  new concept we are working on.  Hopefully she will get it when we return it, because temporary is, well, temporary!

I’m not sure if the four-footed one can see colors or not.  Or rather how she sees colors, regardless of this fact, I ensure she is provided a multitude of colors.  Today I introduced her to the color blue.  She received a blue blanket and I am teaching her the color of the blanket because blue isn’t just for boys! 😉  I suspect she will just learn that this object is called blue blanket in the house.  Whether she understands that blue is a color and blanket is that thing I out on her is yet to be determined.  She does have more than on blanket so I have hope!

And that’s the new thing, the four-footed one has increased her vocabulary, or rather her understanding of words substantially this past little bit.  I’m talking about words like bedtime, nap, rest, not today, race, window, dance, cold, and explore.  I wasn’t expecting her to have the capacity for language the way she does.  Her breed isn’t exactly known for vocabulary and yet she seems to be grasping the hanging of living with and understanding her humans!


In The Still Of The Mind

I was invited to a meditation session by a one of Beloved’s friend’s partners. She had learned through her husband that I have never been able to wrap my mind around the idea of silence.  She had found a way that worked for her through some meditation sessions with a group of people who meet twice a week every week.

Now I’ve been open about my inability to meditate, I have yet to figure out how to get my mind to find stillness.   I know it’s possible, and I suspect if I just got out-of-the-way of myself and allowed myself to simply try in small steps it might happen for me.  But I can’t fully grasp a silent mind, perhaps I’m a bit afraid of it.  So I accepted the invitation.

When I arrived I was approached by a stranger who told me that she “normally never does this, but I am compelled to talk to you, to offer you a free reading”.  I don’t think I had even gotten much beyond the door when she made this offer.  It was clear that I was the only new comer based on how everyone else was interacting with each other.

It turned out that the leader of this session was the stranger who approached me.  She walked the group through a series of visualizations complete with drumming music.  Now in my area of study, drumming music has the potential to take a person into a trance like state so I was curious as to why there was a need for the drumming to go with the visualization.  She also changed the tone and volume of her voice as she went through the exercises, which is also common for putting people into relaxed or trance like state.  There was nothing odd with her exercises, nothing bad or wrong.

my curiosity was peaked as to why the need for these techniques when the sessions had been explained as gimmick-free etc.  I was also curious about my reading, which this stranger decided should be completed immediately after the session.  It turns out that most of the women in this class had been offered free readings.  Free readings which lead to discovering there were books and courses for what was missing in their lives.  And yes this leader just happened to have the books and the training to lead the classes for these very things.

To me that’s just a little too convenient. So I did what comes naturally to me, I asked her how she was able to do such clear readings?  And how she just happened to be so well suited for the needs of these women?  Needless to say, I am not welcome back.  And while I have no issue with people believing what they wish, when you start to create a need in others based on their vulnerabilities, I’m not going to be able to sit still.

Through some questioning and digging around, talking with others who had attended these sessions I discovered that each woman invited in was offered a free reading which resulted in the offering of counselling , coaching our courses. Of course after the free reading everything comes at relatively steep price and time commitment.  Some of see woman willingly and openly accepted the additional courses, counselling or coaching.  Others were pushed into it, as a means of being a better woman.  How the heck is this helpfulness? How does is help people be human?  How does this enhance anyone’s life other than the person who will benefit from it financially?  How is it not a form of cultivating easy money sources?





Fine Exuberance

Beloved took our four-footed companion for an outing and allowed me to rest.  The past few days have been what I call fine.  Fine as in I’m doing fine with a huge smile on my face as I wonder how I will get through the next few hours never mind the rest of the day.  Fine as in no one really knows what’s going on with me because I just done feel the need to explain it all and besides I don’t want to whine because there are people far worse off than I am.  Fine as in yes I’m in pain and yes I’m scared, but I don’t want to bother or burden anyone.

So they went off for an outing of the longer variety.  We were trying to burn off some of the excess energy in our wonder dog, but instead it was Beloved whose energy got burnt off! 😮  The four-footed one seems to have endless amounts of energy that cannot be restrained or burnt off. At least not in large amounts.  And to be honest, I’m envious of her energy as well as her joy at living life.  I try to grasp her exuberance and pull it together into myself.  Of course that doesn’t work, but I gather energy and joy in watching her and playing with her.

So Beloved came home needing a rest and the four-footed one decided to play gently with me.  She knows I can’t play as hard or actively as Beloved some days and she accepts that.  Just as she accepts some times I need to rest and then, just like she did today, she will curl up beside me for some scratches and stroking!

A Way To Get Things Done Or Is It Manipulation

M”Have you tried food, a special treat maybe.  Sometimes they get extra motivated with a special food treat,” the woman offered helpfully.  To be honest no, I had not tried food or a special treat to get the results I wanted.  It seemed wrong, very manipulative and well, we weren’t talking about a puppy anyway.

I had heard, before, that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach or something to that effect. And I know there are certain food items Beloved would gladly eat if they were available.  But they are special food items, not every day things.  And it just, well, it seemed wrong.

Sure I wanted Beloved to sort out the shelving units that have been unpacked, but not placed anywhere for over a week.  But it seems so wrong to basically say to a human “I will give you this (wave said food item in front of man mind you) once you do that (point to work you want completed).”

Oh I know my own parents carried out a variation of this by offering me a cookie if I first at the horrible pile of peas on my plate.  And I know I’ve done the whole treat show with my pets.  But those are pets.  And the cookie option happened when I was very young.

Beloved however is an intelligent, fully grown man.  Who could acquire said items on his own if he wanted them.  No bribe required.  So although my friend had offered her version of helpful advice, which by the way she uses on her own spouse, my shelving units are still holding the carpet down.  In case of high winds or such I guess.