Let’s face it, I’m not a patient kind of girl. I’ve tried, oh how I’ve tried. And how many different ways I’ve worked on this, I cannot even begin to figure out any more. All I know is that patience is a virtue that I lack.
I’d like to blame society, I mean it’s all about immediacy these days anyway. That’s the joy of social media and the internet in general. You want it? You can find it. Now. Frankly I wonder how this has worked for people who are shopaholics. They can simply zip online, find what they seek and make the purchase and viola off to the next adventure.
But the truth is, as I try to get back on track, even before having access to all this immediacy I still struggled with this idea of waiting.
As a child, the wait up to Christmas was pure torture, same with my birthday. Okay okay twist my arm! There are still times when Christmas makes me impatient! But honestly it’s just to see the expression and glee upon another’s face as my present to him/her is opened. (See, I have matured some!)
I know good things come to those who wait, but I wonder if by the time they get what they were waiting for they even remember that once upon a time they wanted this.
These days my impatience shoes itself when I have a million things to do and one person is slowing things up. As in that person in the grocery store who can’t remember the pin for her/his card.
The real deep, dark impatience rears its ugly head when I’m waiting on results regarding publications or such. Oh then it’s hopping from one foot to the other as almost right after i make the submission. I’m pretty sure the floor has spots where I’ve bounced too many times!
I’ve wondered why I have this issue, and I think I’ve figured it out. It’s the fear of not knowing, the fear that what’s coming is going to be not what I hoped for. I suspect it’s a bit like deciding to just rip the Band-Aid off and getting it over and done with. If it’s bad news, I’d like to know sooner rather than later thanks all the same.
If it’s good news? Well here’s the curious thing about that. Good news makes me uneasy. I always doubt it, questioning it over and over again. I examine it from all aspects and even then I don’t trust it. Oh it isn’t that I don’t believe in good news, rather I just don’t believe it comes my way, as though I shouldn’t hear it in conjunction with my name.
So if it’s good news, I need to hear that sooner rather than later so that I have time to examine, dissect and finally believe it and then accept it with stumbling grace.