I have decided to declare war. All out war mind you, on he home improvement television shows.

Oh sure, I know what you are thinking, show some restraint woman. Some of you are also going to point out that I should know better than to believe what I see on those shows.

But the mesmerize me, what with how simple everything looks. How easy it is to change out the sinks and the toilets. And, here is the bonus, no one ever looks like its messy or hard work.

I guess those shows are like fairy tales, I mean they have happily ever after and everyone is just lovely to look at.

And thus was I tricked I to helping a friend change out her bathroom. That was a bit ago, okay we can be honest here can’t we? So it was almost a year ago. The new vanity didn’t just slide into place, there was fitting and stuff to be done with it. The sink had to be put together and let’s face it, it isn’t like playing with Lego. We were better with the tiling and what’s a bit of extra grout between friends?

So almost a year later my dear friend asked me ever so sweetly if is come over. Foolishly I did. Foolishly I watched the show she had seen before. This one involved redoing a kitchen. It looked easy enough…

Thankfully I won’t be helping with this one, nor will see, at least not now. She broke her leg recently and my health isn’t at a place where I can do that type of work. Why on earth do we think it’s easy to change the structure of a building? What makes us think that this change is easy? Change is never easy, whether it’s redoing your house or your life.

Renovations are messy and hard with surprises galore. And we are only talking about the house, let’s not even consider those we apply to our lives. Pretty sure that’s a whole other blog…

So instead I beg you, beseech you been, change e channel! Ignore those smiling faces and lovely hair. Ignore the easy, relaxed look on those shows. For goodness sake, change the channel fast or even better shut it off and never turn it on again!


When I was young, I used to hide if my parents wanted me to do something I didn’t want to do. When I was a bit older I used to hide things, such as a toothache so as to avoid the dentist.

Now I know I can’t actually hide from things I don’t want to do, or hear. There are times I wish I could, as if by hiding bad news would just vanish.

There are a lot of things I’d rather not hear. Cancer is one of them. Chemotherapy is another and it is joined with its sidekick radiation.

There are things I’d race forward to hear, such as remission and cancer-free.

But life, and all the challenges and struggles it brings, cannot be wished to or fro any more than a strong storm can be wished into life or wished away.

We can hide from aspects of life though, if we so choose. But if we hide away from experiences are we saying we don’t want to be fully engaged in life? Are we refusing to accept that life has duality to it? Are we rejecting a full life for a safer life that is always missing something? Can we afford yo live this way, missing out on the whole experience?

Through Another’s Life

I’m all for trying to see the world as others see it. Seeing the life of another person as s/he experiences it.

It’s a wonderful thing to broaden your experience and try to understand the struggles and challenges of different people because it helps you appreciate your life. It also provides an opportunity to provide fresh eyes and thus a potential new approach to the problems. Lastly it allows you to have some context of those other people.

But there is a line to how far one should go. Say you happen to be a male and you want to experience the torture that is fashion for females. You might want to try high heel shoes, just to check the fit. You might try to walk or run in them, just to see what it is to be wearing something like that on your feet, not even for a full day. You might try a full day; then again you might decide that whoever designed the shoes had something against feet and thought to torture said feet as an expression of his/her dislike towards feet. Some charities actually do this as fund-raising events and fun is had by all.

You may even try the make up and dress up deal. Or perhaps you want to see how hard it is to pull together that perfect outfit, and then wear it. These things I understand. However I do not know how to explain this. No idea at all.

A man recently was trying to run in high heels. Certainly not e first nor the last. However here is where it gets a bit different. See the man had problems with his outfit. As in he wasn’t wearing one. Not one piece, although when police caught him hiding behind a tree he was trying to put on panties. As police were taking him into custody, they noted he had a pair of sweat pants to put on.

Now there are times that I struggle to find something to wear, yes I know that I do have clothes, but sometimes it’s hard to get my clothing all sorted out. However I’ve never gone without clothes.

But I admire this man for not just trying the shoes, but also the panties. And surely he must have had some training with the Boy Scouts or so as he did come prepared…sweat pants.

Woman have been wearing mens clothing for years, or at least clothing styled after the male attire. The same with shoes, but I haven’t heard of women putting on men’s underwear. (Yes I’ve heard of boys shorts and I’m sure there are women who at some time have worn men’s undies.)

I confess that I have used the men’s restroom when the line up for the lady’s was too long and nature called. But does any of those top the man mentioned above? Can we say he was trying to see world through a woman’s footwear and the freedom of being a naturalist? Or was he just doing his own thing?

While I do try to experience or understand the experience of those I call the others, I don’t think being charged with indecent exposure is the way to reach this goal. Then again, maybe if I wanted to see the world through the eyes of one charged with this, it might be the exact thing to do. Regardless, you can rest assured I won’t be running anywhere in public naked or otherwise. A decorum walk, perhaps a speedy shuffle, but no more than that.


Victims. We all know them, we’ve probably all been one at some time.

I have a friend who lives to be a victim. Oh he isn’t someone who is looking to be in a car accident or anything of that nature. Instead what he does, is every time he hits a patch of bad luck he brings out his victim-hood. He wears this victim persona like a robe, one he flaps about for all to see.

Right now he seems stuck in a spell of bad luck and misdeeds. When he phoned me a few days ago he was telling me all about how he had. Job lined up and it was surely his. And then some “corporate suit” decided that the company was actually in need of something else. Needless to say my friend did not get the job. He wanted me to agree that it was dirty politics and false advertising on the companies part and surely now he needs a few weeks to recuperate before seeking work again.

I listened to him and realized it will never be due to something he has done or not done because he is always the victim no matter what. I also realized I had a choice, I could agree with him, or tell him what I thought.

Agreeing with him is easier to be sure. Agreeing with him requires very little on my part other than the occasional yes and such.

But agreeing with him would be wrong, it would be dishonest of me because the truth is he talked himself out of the job. He always talks himself out of jobs simply by deciding he knows what’s wrong and he is the one to fix it. He does this even if the company doesn’t really have the problem that he has perceived.

So I told him that perhaps he needed to reflect upon what had happened and see if he could have done anything different. (Hey I wasn’t hoping for a miracle or anything of that nature, but was instead aiming to give him a moment’s pause.). Evidently this was a mistake as he has decided I am also against him and out to get him.

You can’t stop someone from being what s/he has decided to be. You can decide how you respond to that. You can decide to accept that this is a part of your friend, or you can decide that it might be okay to perhaps get your friend to see things differently. The easy way is to stay status quo, the hard thing is trying to see something differently than you normally do.

Are we honoring our friendships when we take the easy way because it says we accept our friends as is? Or is it a thing of honor to try to help our friends grow?

The Turkey

Not that long ago, okay perhaps a few more years than I’d actually care to count, I decided to host my first Thanksgiving meal.

Not a small affair of myself and my partner nd one other couple. Oh no not at all. Why not go all out we decided and thus 6 couples were invited.

All sorts of food were bought, recipes studied and yes, here I must admit Martha Stewart books were consulted. Table arrangements were considered and hope rose high, it was stopped merely by the ceiling.

Oh how we prepared and cooked! And oh the pride that built inside us, our first real, grown up Thanksgiving feast! The table looked perfect, the side dishes were lovely. And the main part of the meal, the turkey was, well, different.

You see we had not planned on a blackened turkey, we had not added Cajun spices to it at all. As a matter of fact the turkey was supposed to have a nice mustard crust to it. At some point the crust decided to become charcoal. Charcoal that couldn’t be chipped off.

And so it sat, at the center of the table, an artifact of sorts. A sculpture in the shape of a turkey.

What I remember about that meal, more than the turkey that surely would survive a nuclear war, is that despite the disaster of a meal there was tons of laughter, acceptance, encouragement and most of all love.

When I think back to moments like that meal I can’t help but laugh. At the time I wanted the floor to open up, swallow me and then close over again. But once others shared their own stories and such, it became okay. And that’s how a lot of life is, at least for me. My worst moments end up teaching me the most, and while I may have gone a bit hungry that time, it was a small price to pay for the lesson of never taking life, or myself too seriously. Besides how can you not laugh at a turkey that became an archeological type artifact?

Now is anyone hungry?

A Little Crap

Into every life a bit of, umm, crap must fall. When it’s falling down on you it seems like it will never end. And it piles up quickly.

The problem with falling crap is that it’s too heavy for an umbrella so the stuff sticks to you. It’s never easy to get off and the smell lingers like a foul cloud everywhere you go.

Nature has a purpose for poop, it fertilizes and encourages the growth of many plants. It provides food and homes for some animals. But of course this isn’t the type of crap that rains down in our lives.

The stuff in human lives tends to be less ideal for growing flowers and plants. Dung beetles are not likely to be interested in this crap either. Nope, this is the stuff that smells and is hard to see past.

But into every life a bit of crap must fall or pile up. The trick is to look for the fun, know that we all go through it and sometimes our best ideas spring forth from a pile of poop!

Sleeping Dogs

So much depends upon a dog sleeping at my feet. Oh sure this sleeping dog will not save the world, nor being about world peace. But all the same, so much depends upon a dog sleeping at my feet.

To the average person, it is nothing more than a dog sleeping at my feet hole I work on my computer. To those in the know the dog is a dear friend, keeper of my secrets, partner to my dreams and hopes and calming presence in my life.

Without this dog, my life would be more chaotic, more hectic and far less sane.

Often times in life it is the “mundane” things that mean he most, the most ordinary things hold the most meaning. Often times it is these moments of regular-ness that we cherish the most, but take for granted.

I know there will come a time when there won’t be a sleeping dog at my feet and I will be less a human for it. I know that when this day comes my feet will be colder, my heart a little more empty and something will be missing. I know all of this, I try to prepare myself for this, but what I should do is embrace and be grateful for these moments. I shouldn’t take for granted that there is a dog sleeping at my feet. If you will excuse, I have a to get a bone as a sign of my appreciation for a dog who woke up at my feet.

Some days

Some days are made for reading books. These days tend to be cold or drizzle-filled. These days demand a good books and a comfortable chair and if possible a nice fire.

Some days are made for outdoors. These days are usually nice: not too hot nor too cold, rather just right. The weather and atmosphere are just perfect and nature itself calls you to leave the confines of a building and commune with nature.

Some days are made for work. Those are the days when it’s nose to the grindstone and you are filled with thins to accomplish and the energy to do it.

Some days are made for nothing. These are the days where you do whatever the moment moves you to do and do jot feel judged in any way for it.

All days are made for telling loved ones and dear friends that you appreciate them in your lives. Sadly we don’t always take advantage of the fact that each day provides for this. It seems we take tragic days and then reach out and tell our loved ones what they mean for us. Imagine if each day you told your friends how wonderful your life is because those people are in your life? Imagine if you told your loved ones you cannot put into words how much you appreciate them?


When we were young, many of us didn’t give a thought or worry to the judgements being made about us. We were told we were good, fast, brave, smart and so on. Many of us were never told we were hopeless or inadequate.

Somewhere along the lines, as we got older the tables turned. We became aware of our failings, shortcomings and inabilities. As time went by, those words were spoken more loudly and our vision of what we were inept at, as well as where we excelled became more clear.

I’m not exactly sure when I realized I would never become the fastest woman in the world, but I do remember knowing that I wasn’t a fast runner. Well maybe if I was being chased by bears because I’m not really interested in being bear food.

I do remember the moment I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt mind you, that math and I were not going to become intimate. Somehow I don’t recall being upset about this. I do remember that I made the decision because unlike other subjects, math did not come easy to me.

I have worked hard to ignore some voices, those words of doubt and ineptness. I have tried to be honest about what it is that creates an inadequacy within me or through my skills. I also remind myself that these are judgements and how one judges me is not how I have to judge myself.

My Beloved reminds me daily of the things I’m good at, at the areas where I excel. I would be wise to listen to these words and take them to heart. Instead I dismiss his kind words, his compliments as though they mean nothing. I try to remind myself that these are his judgements and they should not be discounted simply because they are positive.

At this stage in life, I’m okay with admitting to my inadequacies and shortcomings. I try to learn from my failures because let’s face it, I never learn from the positive or easy things.

I am comfortable knowing I will never win a race; the Olympics will never call me (unless it’s for comic relief) and I shall never figure out quantum physics. I’m also comfortable knowing that I am not the sum of things that I excel at, nor am I the sum of all my inadequacies. These are just parts of my life, some I can change and others I can’t. And then there is math…that’s why they made calculators! 🙂


This year I noticed the bees, or rather the lack of bees buzzing round the years. There were lots of wasps, but not as many chubby, fuzzy bees.

Normally I wouldn’t really notice this as I’m not a huge fan of stinging insects. Oh sure I know the bee is more afraid of me than I am of it, but I’m still not about to hug any of them.

But this year was difference. This year a friend of mine decided to have some hives his property in an attempt to being more self-sufficient. All he could talk about was how his bees were doing and the plight of the bees world-wide.

How many other things are changing or leaving us? These are normally subtle changes at first and it’s not until many of the changes have accumulated that we notice them. Perhaps it is a sign of how self focused I am.or is it a case of me being afraid of the changes so I pretend not to see them?