Missed Calls

Beloved came home looking a little dejected, he hadn’t made the short call this time.  He had been so busy preparing and going through everything he hadn’t been the most attentive to things here.  He also had missed phoned a few friends for their birthdays. It’s easy to reason things into place when you are still chasing the golden ring or the first place.  

When you are no longer in the running, it is harder to ignore the phone and things you’ve let slide while you were busy.  I wasn’t too concerned about how he had been preoccupied he had been.  I went into this whole thing with my eyes wide open and if the worst call I got was one that said he was coming home because he didn’t make the short call I could live with that.  Besides we both realized that soemtimes dreams pull you into a different direction than your partner is heading, you either weather the tempest or you don’t.

Most, but not all, of his friends who record belated birthday wishes understood.  Some people though felt that he should have taken time out of his preperarion and auditions for their special moment.  You never really know what means the most to someone else until you fail to do what they need you to do for them at that moment.  Frankly I doubt would have his grace after missing out on something to immediately phone people after I got home.  I know how much he wanted this for himself and for us.  

In some ways it is more disappointing because of how close he came and yet it still feels he was so far away.  But there will be other short calls and interviews for him and when it’s right, he will win the gold round so to speak.  Either way he is more than enough to me as he is.

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One Wave Ahead or Drifting Away

Lately it seems even when in I do my harbor  for the coming tempest, I still drift away.  It isn’t a case of lack battening down hatches, securing the ropes and ensuring the anchor is in the water.

It is as if the rip tide and tugging winds are greater than my measures of securement.   I find myself drifting further out than expected, the anchor line drawn tight to the point of almost snapping.

I always find this to be the case when I’ve basically settled somewhere, the water and the wind call to me, as though I may have settled a bit too soon.  It seems that there is more of the world that demands I see it, demands I not get too comfortable.

Thankfully Beloved doesn’t mind this habit off mine.  He offers shelter from the coming storm, helps untangle lines and cut me free.  He simply waits for me to come backs om is harbor, he lets me drift when I need to, sometimes we drift together and other times alone.  He pulls me into shelter when I ignored the storm and he sees how I get tangled up in myself long before I do.  When this happens, he untangles me or cuts me free.  It is as if he is always one wave ahead of me.