Something is rotten in the state of Denmark according to Marcellus in Hamlet’s First Act, Scene 4. And while I cannot speak about the state of Denmark specifically, it would appear that something is wrong in the state of my house. Oh not the house itself. It appears to be holding up just fine. However, there is something very strange afoot within the structure. And I cannot put my finger on exactly how the rot is happening. You see dear friends, I try to never run out of coffee in the house. Being out of coffee is a bit like a disaster on the most global of scales for me. (Let’s face it, I don’t even like myself when I don’t have coffee.)
The past few days I have “restocked” the kitchen with coffee from the pantry only to find that by the next morning the entire restock needs to be, well, replenished. Again. The four-footed one does not drink coffee, although not for lack of trying on her part. That leaves only two humans in the house, Beloved and I. I have one cup of coffee in the morning before I head out. When I’m out of the house I will have more coffee, but that’s out and not using the supplies in the house. If Beloved is out he does the same thing. If I am home I will have another one or two cups in the morning followed by one or two cups in the afternoon. I typically have a cup of coffee after my evening meal as well. Beloved swears he doesn’t consume as much coffee throughout the day as I do. So, over the past few days he is the only one home all day and yet, and yet, the coffee supply has been depleted more than if I had been home all day.
For the record Beloved also states that he does not touch the coffee supply, as in he does not put things back in the pantry if he feels we have too much in the kitchen. (If he were doing so, it should be noted that he is not placing it back in the original location.) So something seriously rotten is afoot within my abode. And I do not like it. Not one little bit.. I am, in fact, close to throwing a fit! I am tempted, yes tempted indeed, to set up little cameras and see what is happening with my coffee supplies. Beloved, of course, has decided the action I wish to take is crazy. He also thinks I am forgetting what day I actually replenished the coffee. In other words he thinks I am imagining this whole thing. Except there is that minor detail. Just a small one really. About the missing coffee that is not being found anywhere else in the house.
So if anyone can spare some time to find what is rotten and afoot within my house I would greatly appreciate it. After this is solved I will send the person(s) back to dealing with the state of Denmark for Marcellus. And yes, in case you are wondering, this coffee thing is a major offense, and the ultimate punishment should be inflicted upon the offender.