Invitation Seasons And Lupus

A friend told me she has several  wedding invitations already for late spring and summer.  Another friend shared that she has a few requests for cabin/lake time as well as beach time.  Beloved also has received invitations for various outings for spring and summer, and like most people he won’t be able to attend all of them so he will have to make choices.

There was a time in my life when I had all these invites as well, however having to miss so many things due to health issues and such the invitations slowly die out.  I don’t blame people for this, I mean at some point you get tired of a certain someone cancelling on you last-minute.  No matter how understanding you are, it gets tiresome.  I understand that.

The thing is, being the person who is always cancelling at the last-minute I also find these last-minute cancellations to be tiring.  I’m tired of not knowing until the very last moment if I will be able to attend a gathering.  Sometimes I lose the energy while I’m getting ready, such as doing my hair or getting dressed.  Other times I wake up and just know I can’t make it.

But as I said, cancelling gets tiring to, as does the whole sense of being isolated.  So often  times I will push myself to go out and deal with the aftermath as needed.  Unfortunately that has meant being short-tempered, snarky and such with friends and loved ones; pain never brings out the best of me.

On one hand it would be better to just stay away from anything that requires an invitation and such for both my sanity and those I care about.  On the other hand no one wants to be ignored.  Except when there are a million wedding and party invitations during the beautiful days of spring and summer!


Dying Of Embarassment On The Road To Hell’s Intentions

The road to hell is paved with good intentions, or so they say. I’ve personally never been on the road to hell, not even the one in Michigan so I can’t say for sure what the pavement is made of or even what it’s like.

Of course people also say they about died from embarrassment and I can assure you, I’ve been more than a tad embarrassed and never actually died from it. I may have wanted to die, or at least have the earth open up a hole to I could fall into it and then have the earth just close back over again.

I had intended to walk the entire distance of the path today. I knew I wanted to walk it the minute my friend told me about its existence. Taking a page from Beloved’s book, I started to check the forecast to ensure I would have optimum weather for the day I went down the path. Today, according to the weather experts, was supposed to be the most ideal day of the week for the trip.

With a soft, warm glow to the morning sky, I made my way to the entrance of the park where the path begins. I brought with me just a light sweater to deal with the early morning coolness; I packed water and made sure I was wearing my walking shoes. I stuck my phone in my pocket and chose to listen to the birds singing in the distance as I started down the path. It was, in fact, a very peaceful and relaxing atmosphere.

Not even halfway down the path the sun dipped behind a cloud and the wind picked up a bit. I was grateful to have brought my sweater with me. To be honest I was feeling a bit smug about remembering to bring my sweater. The problem with feeling smug is that there is always something to bring you back to your humble senses. In my case it was an incredible downpour. From out of nowhere or so it seemed.

In less than a minute I was soaked and cold, no longer interested in walking the rest of the way. I just wanted to go home, get dried off and warm up with a nice drink. Naturally I turned to head back the way I came. And just as naturally my good walking shoes found a nice muddy puddle to go into. It was the kind of puddle that resulted in muddy water going more than half the way up my legs. And the rain didn’t seem to be doing a good job of removing the mud from my pants or shoes.

As luck would have it, or at least as luck goes in my world, when I got to where I parked, the sun was back out and shining as if nothing had happened. Except I was soaked, filthy and cold and there were more people in the parking lot preparing to go for a walk in their nice clean clothes, suitable footwear and water-repellent coats in hand.

No the earth did not open up to swallow me, I was probably too dirty. And yes I did want to die or at least hide right then especially because where I had parked meant I had to go past everyone looking like a disheveled drowned rat with squishy shoes.

Cooking Exchange

About this time of year my mother would get down to planning her serious baking,  from breads to pies and cakes to cookies, she would create her list.  And then it was all about the shopping for ingredients and what had to be made last-minute versus what could keep perfectly on the counter or in the freezer.  The kitchen would start to smell wonderful, but it would be filled with the sound of “not yet”, or “wait” as my small hands would try to sneak a taste of this or that.

My kitchen, this time of year, is full of big intentions and recipes laid out.  THe intentions for the most part stay exactly as that…just intentions.  I run out of motivation, time or courage to cook these things.  I begin to remind myself there is no family for me to cook for, I don’t know where I will be and food doesn’t travel well so why bother.  And each year I vow the next year will be different.  There will be cookie exchanges and get togethers with friends and such.  And each year, it’s the same vow without much change.

So today I pulled out the recipes, and decided rather than have intentions of making them, I should try instead to share them.  That’s more or less what I can do and not have to lose motivation or courage.  So this year I will send out hand written/printed recipes to friends and share the cookies that way! Each person will get a recipe chosen just for them.  Well other than Beloved, who will get a list of recipes that we can make together!

Biting Wenches

Today I called a female a wench.   I know, not like me, but it was in a moment of distress.  Sort of.  Well okay distress in a minor sense.  As in not really distress except that despite planning and careful purchasing it still happened.  So distressing for me and startling for my friend who thought the “would you leave me alone wench” was directed at her.

You see friends I had planned to avoid the mosquitos this year.  I had all the latest gadgets and felt calm and sure that they would be incredibly by all my stuff.  I was wearing a battery-powered mosquito repellant so as not to have to wear the unpleasant but spray.  I had even rubbed myself with a citronella lotion.  And still friends the wench of a mosquito got me.

So I killed her because clearly my request for her to leave me alone went I headed.  So she simply had to die.  And then I brought out the heavy stuff, the smoking coils and peat.  These things work like a charm to keep the biting blood suckers at bay, but there is a price to pay that I had been hoping to avoid.  You see the smoke irritates my eyes.

If it were at all possible I’d kill the mosquito wench again, but it’s a bit hard to do.  Not just because I can’t kill that which is already dead, but my eyes keep tearing up making it hard to see things like mosquito wenches.  So instead I headed indoors.  To plan my next approach, because I refuse to be out smarted by mosquito wenches.  Although I suspect I may have already lost this one…

Wandering Soul and Free Spirited Passion

Beloved can’t understand my wandering nature.  When I tell him I have an urge to hop in the car and just drive to wherever, he looks ay me as though I’ve just come in from another planet.  He doesn’t understand this need to just go, go somewhere, any where.  He can’t fathom not having a set destination and reason for a trip.  And I, I can’t fathom not just following wherever the road takes me, letting the adventure simply be what it will.

Some days I just don’t want to go to work or wherever.  Some days are just made to drive and be free.  Okay so my soul says every day could be made for just seeing where the road takes me.  The bills however say something different.  They remind me I’m not as free as I want to be.  I’m tied to things like work because I have is weird habit of wanting shelter and food.  And unfortunately I’ve never figured out how to work for me and make my living that way.  I dream about it…oh how I dream.  But I never get it.

Belived can’t stand he idea of simply following a whim with no end goal other than ending up somewhere.  Going on a trip?  One should pre plan everything.  Sure you can have a few down hours here and there.  But whole days?  He can’t cope with it.  Too much freedom makes him feel uncomfortable I guess.

So some days I hop in the vehicle alone, heading into the wide unknown for a few hours because I know he worries when I do this and spend more than 24 hours away, just because I can.  Give me huge swaths to travel, new places to check out and beautiful days to heal my soul and fuel my passion and I’m good.  Now if only I can set Beloved’s soul to enjoy free wandering without needing plans etc!

Rub-A-Dub-Dub The Dog And The Tub

Bath day in our house also means Bottom-to-Top cleaning of the bathroom.  It isn’t that we plan this, actually I’d be happy just having to clean up the bathtub and some towels.  But fate, or what have you has a different plan.  Perhaps it’s cosmic Humor.  At any rate the whole bathroom gets cleaned.

Youd think, given the a,out of mess made, that the dog was massive, or that perhaps I had a small pack of slightly wild dogs who all got into the bath at the same time.  You’d be wrong.  Only one wee dog had a bath yet he managed to ensure he got water and muck everywhere.  Not even the ceiling is safe!

Knowing this, I always make sure I have enough time an energy to not just bathe the dog, but also clean the bathroom.  And then, of course, I need a shower myself because the dog always shares his dirty water with me.  I suspect he secretly plans to soak me each time when he knows he needs a bath.

Oh yes my friends, I dare say it is a chess match, nay, a huge game of strategy that I’m not ashamed to say requires all of ones wits!  I suppose a person could tarp the ceiling and walls and wear some lovely rain gear prior to the bath commencing, but I don’t do that.  Instead I have a little something called Beloved!  He who happily bathes the dog and gets soaked and still cleans the bathroom with a smile on his face.  He says its a fair trade-off since he doesn’t have lupus so he takes care of our domestic version of canis lupus.

Poor Planning or Fate

A nice meal for two, that’s what I had planned. Nothing super ambitious or beyond my skill set. But definitely something beyond a scrambled egg and toast. That was it. Not much.

I’d follow it up with a nice cake, something that looked as nice as it tasted. I had basically all day for this and had planned the list for the menu and timing on getting things done.

The trip for groceries was fine and I started the preparation work just fine. I was feeling good about things, certain that I’d be able to surprise him.

And then the phone rang and the timer went, but the phone call was so important that I issued the timer by ten minutes. Ten small minutes that lead to massive charming of the item in the oven. Not like scrape the half bit off the way my mom did when I was young. Oh no, this was like, “look I made charcoal out of food,” kind of black bits.

So redo number one, but it turned out okay and since I gave myself plenty of time, it wasn’t too bad. But then the oven decided it needed a break, and went on the fritz. And well from there it was downhill and fast.

The cake was lopsided and iced as if a small child had helped. The meal had to be rethought because of this vacation my oven decided it needed, and needed now.

He came home to a grumpy dog, a slightly smoky kitchen and me seething inside. Gently he took the implement from my hand, asked me to explain things as he took over the making of a meal. And yes it was scrambled eggs and toast. But at least we had cake for later. Even if it was lopsided and poorly iced, it still tasted okay!