Now and then I have to deal with this thing called an Insurance company. They help cover the cost of my chronic illness. Or so they say. Sometimes it feels as if they are trying to kill me instead. I can’t say I’d blame them given the nature of the business they are in. I cost a lot of money to keep alive.
Today just happened to be one of those days where I had to call the Insurance company. I’m sure the lady I first spoke to is a lovely person and she was only doing her job. Which apparently is to make the chronically ill and somewhat frustrated patient jump through six hoops which gradually decreased in size.
When I managed that feat, I was passed on to a man who told me point-blank “it’s people like you that make premiums go up”. Well thanks, I thought. I needed that. Must be my new super power. He wanted me to jump through flaming hoops while juggling sharp knives. If I couldn’t do it, he would deny my claim for coverage of a medication. That a doctor, actually specialist, prescribed.
Now stop and think about this. I am being asked to basically kill myself, through the sheer exhaustion of these mental exercises just to get coverage for something to keep me alive. And the kicker? The more exhausted and sick I get; the more medications will be prescribed which will require me to join the circus full-time.
Today I managed to get the required coverage for the medication. There will come a day when this won’t be the case. And then I will have to consider the options of paying on my own for the medication at the cost of bankrupting myself and then not being able to pay for anything including my medication or skipping the medication, so I can cover other bills for housing and food and dying because I cannot get the medication required to keep me alive.
Next time you see a juggler consider that those of us with chronic illnesses, especially the expensive kind, are performing these feats on a regular basis just to stay alive. Each of us wondering what will happen when we can no longer manage that many sharp knives or itsy-bitsy hoops of flames while riding a unicycle backwards. Because my friends, that’s how the Insurance company makes me feel. Now if you will excuse me, I seem to have dropped my red nose somewhere and I need it to get into an impossibly tiny car with some of my other friends who happen to have large feet…
Today I’ve been dreaming about food. Well dreaming is probably the wrong word, lusting is probably more accurate. I have been lusting after food today. No don’t misunderstand dear friends, I love good food and I love sharing it with people I enjoy so it’s not unusual for me to think about food. I’ve been known to plan whole menus as a means of pleasantly passing time and I’ve no shame in this either.
However today I’ve been running on the see food, think food, desire food sort of cycle. I blame my medications partially for this shift in my food relationship. I also blame people sharing delicious ideas and placed with me all in a very short period of time. This sharing lead me to feel like I need to try it all, right now. Not that I’m complaining about people sharing these things with me; whether we break bread together or separately but shared experiences I think is a wonderful thing indeed.
The thing is, though, between my medication, my lupus flare and the insane hamster on the wheel that is my brain, I fee exhausted just trying to figure out what to do and try and when. And of course this makes my health teeter totter a bit more. Again I am not complaining for I am blessed, truly blessed to have wonderful people to share food with and more importantly to not having to worry about where the next meal comes from. I just need to tame the lusting of said food into something more manageable so food isn’t falling off my plate!
aoI put in my request for a nice coffee, but she ignored me. I don’t understand why I can’t have coffee in my IV instead of toxic medications to keep lupus at bay! 😉
Actually why can’t coffee, conversation, time with friends, good books and such be then urge for lupus? I’d be much happier with that than the toxic meds I take now.
don get me wrong, I’m not ungrateful for the meds and how they’ve allowed me a quality of life that is closer to what I desire. And I’m certainly aware that not that long ago people died from the complications of lupus.
But it would be ever so nice for the medications to not be so harsh on my whole body. I’m okay with them kicking the heck out of lupus, but I’d rather not be the battleground thanks all the same.
but I guess if they put coffee in my IV it wouldn’t be the same as savouring the taste of coffee. Although I suppose I could forego a few more hours of sleep from the “up” I’d get from caffeine flowing directly into my bloodstream. Granted that might also give lupus more energy! 😳
On that note maybe I will stick to my toxic meds and savor the coffee when I feel up to drinking it! 😊