Beloved is the kind of man who will offer you tea if you’ve had a bad day. Need to rant or rave? He has a tea for that. Need something to calm down or help you rest? There is a tea for that too. He has different teas for serious chat, funny chat or just curling up with a good book.
He does not have a tea to hear or cure lupus. Teas for inflammation? Yes. Teas to settle a queasy feelings? Yep. But nothing to cure this disease.
He has, however, a ton of patience and time to research. So when a well-meaning, good-hearted friend told him of a tea that will cure me of my lupus, he had to check it out. Not that he believed it would be a cure, but if it could help with a flare, why not give it a try? So research he did.
What he discovered was the tea could only be purchased from a small group of people, because the tea is green in remote places, wth all the extras added to it being “special”. This also means the tea is expensive. And untested. Only word of mouth as a validation that it works. He decided it was more a placebo with mild anti-inflammatory ingredients and thus not worth it.
So researched all the cures for lupus he could find. From diet to lotions, from pills to a magical elixir. Special diets, eating at certain times, eliminating items and such. And of course it’s all word of mouth because if there was a cure, we’d know about it. What do all these have that allows them to exist and for people to continue to promote them as a cure? Hope. They are all signs of hope. Something to grab ahold of and anchor yourself to as you hope for a fix to a horrible, chronic illness. But they are empty hope. It’s like anchoring yourself with a floatations device. It just doesn’t work. But you want to hope, you want something to reach for and grasp, so you do. Because you need to cross all the to in your journey. Just don’t fall for a healing tea.
My mama used to say nothing good would come from an early morning call. Early morning as in before the sun comes up. Of course my mama never dealt with relationships across the pond where there is almost a half day’s difference in time.
Mama wasn’t wrong though. Because while it was Beloved on the phone, it wasn’t good news. Not horrible news, but not good news either. A “wee accident” as he put it. Of course he also put it like this “nothing of consequence except for a wee injury requiring a cast”. Because that’s the best way to tell someone you’ve shattered your bones and require a few plates put in to hold things all together.
Because metal plates and screws are just “wee” things of “no consequence” and therefore shouldn’t be considered as alarming or shocking. Everyday occurrences basically. Which for some people I guess isn’t that big of a deal.
I’m not sure if once the pain medications wear off that Beloved will feel exactly the same way about the injury. And I can’t shake the feeling that there is far more to this story than he is sharing. Which wouldn’t be unusual due to my lupus and all.
And speaking of lupus, it is definitely not going to let me rush to Beloved any time soon. Granted he isn’t going anywhere any time soon either so maybe lupus will settle down enough for me to make it to him, or he will be healed enough to get here before it settles down. Because it’s just a wee thing indeed.
Some days I feel as if a wildfire is running unchecked in my body. I wonder where the water buckets, hoses and such are as this fire seems to rage out of control. Other days there is a faint burning ember in a few of my joints, nothing that requires such a huge rush for the cooling water. While this fire is rushing in my body there are no signs of what is happening to the causal on-looker.
Those who know me well can see the faint glow of the fanning flames as they are reflected in my eyes through pain. Or their glow has escaped from deep within my body to surface near my skin, primarily my cheeks and bridge of nose as a rosy pink. Hidden within my pants or long sleeves may be red, swollen joints as indicators of the fire getting out of control.
The truth is there is no water to put this fire out. There are strong medications with strong side-effects to tame the flames. There are doctors and nurses in place of fire fighters. And for fire hoses there are needles and tubing. During these fires even my tears are dry and hot, as if they too have been consumed by the out of control fire.
Somehow though the fire is always settled down, on a good day the fire is nothing but a few embers and I can forget I have lupus. I live for those days, I hope for more embers and less wild flames. When the flames fan up into a wall I have to rely on others to help put it out, and I am reminded how special those normal moments are.
Today the winds shifted, the flames fanned up and I saw some doctors and nurses who did their magic. Now I’m waiting hoping for embers and ash.