One of my mother’s friends used to call the television a magic box. When you think about it, she wasn’t wrong either. You have so much information, entertainment, and helpful tips all at your fingers with just the push of a button. (Sure you can say the same about the internet, but that’s not the point.)
Beloved has become entranced (or is it bewitched) by particular cooking shows recently. The recipes, when presented by a professional, seem easy to pull together with no fuss or mess. Of course, that’s part of the magic of television, after all.
Undeterred, Beloved confidently makes his way to the kitchen, where he shall recreate the recipe. He forgets all of the other times he has made his way into the kitchen after becoming enchanted.
I’m still recovering from the last moment of inspiration. Which somehow ended up with me scrubbing the ceiling late at night. Not exactly my idea of a fun time, although the food was delicious.
I need the magic of the television to keep the kitchen clean. I wonder if there is a show (or series) that will teach me how to “food proof” the room for future moments of inspiration.
While I was waiting in line, I overheard a little girl explain to a woman how it was important to be beautiful. If the girl was five or six, that was it. And she was already talking about the importance of appearance.
The woman smiled at her and said that it was important to look your best, be as beautiful as you can be and not let the uglies out.
Friends, a part of me wanted to tell this little girl that beauty was in the eye of the beholder. But I said nothing. I didn’t know if it was my place. But I wonder what she will grow up to think.
If she were my child, I would tell her she is beautiful. Beauty isn’t an external thing as much as a state of being. I would tell her that appearance is important. It is important to show up, be there, and do the work to be the best you can be in work, school, and life.
If she were my child, I would tell her that there is place for ugly moods. It is okay to have ugly or bad moods. And holding them in is not healthy.
I didn’t say any of that. She wasn’t my child. I wasn’t sure it was my place to say it. (Sure call me chicken.) But I also held my tongue because I didn’t know what the girl or the woman meant by their comments and I didn’t want to take it on my assumptions. But if I she were my child, if I felt it was my place, I would have said all that.
I was a bit of a lazy student through school. Well until my Phd. But for the majority of my education, I never really applied myself to lesson. I attended classes, half-listened to teachers and had no problem with the readings and assignments or tests. I was fortunate.
And then I got lupus. And suddenly I couldn’t be a lazy student any more. Required reading? Not all that easy. Assignments and tests? Yeah it is called living and managing lupus as best I can. No extra credit here.
And the lessons are all day long, every day. No breaks. Not exactly what Im used to. But then you don’t always get to choose.
Apparently having a chronic illness like luous means you are required to be engaged, actively participating in the lessons. Don’t worry, they aren’t afraid to repeat the lesson until you get it. And even then, sometimes after you have mastered the matieral, they just make you do the lesson again. Of course like any good teacher, lupus never presents the lessons the same way each time. Things get switched up and such.
None of this is what I wanted, but it has taught me to be a better student, to be more appreciative of things. And it’s kept me humble in more ways than I needed. So I guess there is that lesson to.
Now and then I get this urge to create things. Now and then I get this urge to do something about different.
Advocacy can be fun, it can be different, but it can also be exhausting and time consuming. There are a ton of amazing lupus advocates out there in the world. People who organize walks, fund raisers, charity auctions and meeting with the government.
I do not do any of those things. Not because I don’t want to, I just don’t have the energy or the capacity in some cases. In other cases it’s because it’s not within my area of expertise. Let’s face it, my skills are very narrow and not lending too much to advocacy.
So this https://keys4knowing.wixsite.com/mysite is my attempt at creating a little something that promotes lupus awareness in a fun and easy way. Take a look, let me know what you think!
The four-footed one is probably smarter than I am. Well there is no probably about it, she is. She’s figured out how to get what she wants without using words, or even politics. She did not flash money at me nor did she attempt to woo me in any way.
Oh no, this little bundle of fur, captured in paws and a wiggly tail did not do anything of the sort. And yet she has managed to get everything she wants with just a simple look or turn to her head. And even worse, she has trained me to anticipate what she wants.
How is it that this wee creature has figured me out so quickly when I still am figuring me out as I go? How did she manage to make it all so easily fit together and twist it for what she needs?
Is this a skill she was born with or is it that she has been a silent observer, watching me, learning and waiting for the right moment? It isn’t likely that she will ever spill her secret either. So I guess I will just have to see it as it is, she is smarter than I am at figuring out the people in her life and how to set things up to benefit herself. Oh well, pretty sure Beloved and I are tied for who’s next in line! Well I’m sure I’m just a bit ahead in this case, but don’t tell him.
Some people like to explore ideas, concepts or the world through touching, watching and doing. Some people like to explore the world through the written word and others still by listening to others. Most people tend to lean towards a combination of ways to explore and understand things.
And then, well then there is the four-footed one’s approach to exploring the world. She is a watcher and a doer, but mostly she explores through the sense of touch. And by touch I mean using her tongue. I’m pretty certain the world, to her, is divided into two camps: food and not food.
The way to know if something is food or not is to touch it. With at least your tongue. But it’s even better if you can get the whole thing in your mouth, give it a feel and a small chew. All in the name of exploration of course. And so leaves, paper, thread and dirt have all been explored this way. As has grass, bark and rocks.
Now she’s moved onto other items: dozing wasps and bees, beetles and slugs. And now spiders. So far only spiders are clearly in the food category. A delicacy even based on her desire to continue to eat them and actively search them out. I might even go far enough as to say they are the most desirous thing in her diet right now and it’s not for lack of me providing her food.
Now if I could only teach her that the whole world doesn’t need to be explored so vigorously.
It can be hard to accept help, even though you need it. I know I struggle with asking for help. Even worse for me is actually accepting help from someone. Even if I’ve asked for it first.
it really shouldn’t seem to be such a huge challenge for me. But exhausted as I was today, as much as I knew I would need help carrying all my stuff home, I refused to let Beloved carry it all. I carried my backpack which had my tablet and purse in it. Beloved carried the bag off books I purchased. He also carried my water bottle.
Part of this for me is trying to prove that despite lupus, I can still do things. Part of this is probably ego and pride because for me I struggle with recognizing that lupus has limited some of what I can do.
A strong person, a wise person, would recognize the need to be a bit kinder to herself when she isn’t feeling well. After all asking for help is a sign of strength and wisdom. The same with accepting the help.
Pits not just okay to ask for help, it’s an empowering thing to do. And I reminded myself of this today as Beloved happily stepped in to help out. So I’m going to work on being more empowered by this. And in turn, Beloved told me, him being able to help out makes him feel like he is supporting me with my struggles.