Too Many or Am I Selfish

I’ve been trying to wrap my head around the whole idea of multiple wives or husbands as the case may be. In other words, I’m trying to sort out polygamy and how it would work. I know it exists and there are issues around it depending upon what people believe, but that’s not what has me confused.

What has me confused how it all works logistically. I suspect there are schedules and time tables and everyone just somehow all pulls together to make things all happen. And that’s where I get lost. What if you don’t want to stick to the schedule? What if something comes up? And why does everyone have to pull together all the time? It would drive me insane.

If you were the husband with multiple wives, or the wife with multiple husbands, I wonder how you handle all the emotions and behaviors that are always simmering just at the surface. And these things tend to feed off one another which just creates more of a whirlwind. So why do it? Why bother with the whole sharing of a spouse (surely there are issues alone with that given human nature) and trying to get everyone to get along when that’s not really human nature?

I cannot imagine sharing Beloved with others in that sense. Not because I need him with me all the time, that would be funny given we live in two different countries part of the time. I just cannot imagine having only part of a person rather than the whole of that person. I like knowing all of Beloved’s darkest secrets, his deepest thoughts and those things that make him stay up in the middle of night. If he were to unburden himself with another in the same way I suspect some of the bonds we have, that which makes us a couple would be less in place.

I don’t care what anyone else says either about it not being a case of jealousy because there is no way that you cannot be wondering what the other spouse of the same gender as yourself has/does that you do not have/do. Human nature again. So you see, I just can’t wrap my head around the benefits of this type of a relationship. Of course I struggle to wrap my head around the benefits of a traditional marriage with traditional vows too so…

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Necessity Of Getting A Want or How My Dog Invents

Necessity, as the saying goes, is the mother of all inventions. Meaning that the need for something sparks the ingenuity to invent that specific something to meet whatever the need is which was identified as necessary before.

In the case of the four-footed one it isn’t so much necessity that sparks her inventions, not that she does full on inventions, but rather finds an approach that works to get whatever it is that she desires. It isn’t a need for she is not lacking in food, water or toys (or love for that matter) and yet she will find ways to acquire more food. She will behave a certain way to ensure that she is rewarded with something she wants. Now I know some of you are going to say that the ones to blame for this are her humans. If we would simply stop giving in to her and be more firm she would cease this behavior. Except we aren’t the only ones who fall into her trap; her vet feels a need to reward her as well. So do other people in her life.

I’ve never encountered another human or animal who can play the “woe is me” card exactly as she does. Sure she has some health issues, but honestly there are dogs worse off than her, yet she would convince you she was dying right that moment. And then after the “dying” doesn’t happen and she has recovered she is one pitiful, sad, woeful dog who must be comforted in any and all fashions that work.

Of course she’s fine again for a bit before she has another legitimate attack that she makes out to be “dying” and the whole cycle repeats again. If she were a human I’m sure she’d be using her skills to invent ways and means to get what she wanted without too much effort on her part. And yes, I am kind of jealous

Refreshingly Not Golden

We all have, or at least know of, someone who succeeds at anything s/he tries.  Of course we know, logically, that no one can be completely successful at every little thing that is tried.  It just seems that way.

I happen to have a very dear friend who appears to have this gift.  He has made a career out of something you’d never think a person could ever have a career in.  Not only has he managed to make a career, it’s a very successful career.  So successful he travels the world-wide doing this work.  (I must confess I have just the slightest bit of jealousy bone!)

So imagine my surprise and shock when I was told he was learning how to surf.  Not that he was surfing, but learning how to surf.  Now this friend has always wanted to surf, but there wasnt money for this when he was younger, so he was taking advantage of this now in adulthood.

There is some video footage a mutual friend of ours took, of all these surfing attempts.  Frankly it’s been refreshing to watch because for once not everything my friend touches turns to gold.

It took him many attempts to get up on the board from paddling.  Once up he goes down almost immediately.  Balance, it seems, isn’t natural for him on the surfboard.  In all fairness though, he is learning on a board that’s too big for him.  You see he hasn’t bought a board of his own, he’s borrowing from someone who is an old foot taller than he is.

This will of course impact his learning curve.  Could he be golden if he grabbed a board his size?  Could he just suddenly “know” how to surf?  Perhaps, but perhaps not.

Some of  you are probably thinking I’m not a good friend since a part of me finds my friend’s struggles to be refreshing.  But really I do feel bad for him, while at the same time feeling relieved of now that he is human, that there is some balance in the world after all.

And for the record, my friend knows that I find his struggles refreshing.  He tells me refreshing is all in how we look at things.  Sometimes he doesn’t find his struggles refreshing, but he always learns something, which is refreshing.  And he knows that sometimes the Midas focu is all about Fools Gold.  He refers to his surfing as just that!

Resting Jealousy

I must make a confession.  I simply need to get this out of my soul.  I am jealous, green with envy jealous of my dog.  And Beloved.  And toddlers.  And older people.  Basically friends, I’m jealous of anyone who can nap.  You know that peaceful, comfortable nap, while the sun is up.

I dream of napping, in dappled sunshine no less.  I dream of flopping down in the afternoon and resting before a night out.  I literally dream of napping while I’m sleeping at night.  I wake up hoping that today is the day that I can nap in the afternoon.  So far that hasn’t happened.

Once the sun comes up my inner rooster kicks in and sleep is just a dream fading away.  I blame my parents for the whole inner rooster thing.  Also blame the fact im a light sleeper and don’t sleep with lights on.  Ever.

The dog naps pretty much where and when.  He isn’t too picky.  He’s been known to wake up with us in the morning, join us for breakfast and then head off to do some serious napping.

Beloved can go out with me in the morning, come home mid-afternoon and grab a 20-30 minute nap and feel fully refreshed.  I’ve wondered if I shouldn’t start banging around the house when he does this.  Just to, you know, prove a point.  But I dont.  Because he looks so utterly peaceful.  I’ve debated putting a pillow over his face and holding it there until breathing becomes a struggle and he wakes up.  But that seems wrong.

It is not his fault, nor the dog’s, that they can both nap in the afternoon and I can’t.  But must they flaunt it in my face?  And toddlers, the ones who just flop where they are after a burst of energy, well I got this for them…  can stay up late so there!😉

But on a serious note, I wonder why it is unless im very sick, sicker than my usual lupus issues, I am unable to be  get more  than 5-6 hours of sleep within 24 hours.  And none of that sleep happens when the sun is up.  Beloved answer to this is that we could move to the arctic in winters, when it’s 24 hours of darkness.  When they get more sunlight than other places we would move to follow the darkness a bit.  But if course we won’t really do that.

Surely though I’m not alone.  I can’t be the only person who cannot nap.  No matter how tired I am.  Even when I have no caffeine in my system. Surely I’m not the only soul unable to nap.  Right?  Anyone?  Anyone at all.  Or are you napping right now?😉

Lupus – How We Do It

Beloved swept into the room as if he was above this all.  He was just suddenly there looking great while I was stuck with basically small garden hoses and such coming out of my arms. My and let’s not omit that stunning piece of fashion known as the hospital gown.

If I had the energy, I would have wrapped one of those garden hoses around his neck until he turned a lovely shade of purple.  Not to kill him mind you, just so he could blend in with the rest of us!😉

The fact he had come from one place and was stopping briefly to see me before he went to another place didn’t help either.  I hate knowing that ere is a whole other world just beyond the hospital walls I’m stuck behind.

Don’t misunderstand, I know I need to be in the hospital at these times, but frankly seeing him so well and undamaged drives me up a wall.  I have just the slightest bit of a jealous bone and when he comes in like that the bone grows to fill all my bones.

Yes friends I am jealous of his health and how he still comes and goes as needed.  I know the truth is a bit different though.  The truth is that these visits are torture for him too because it means that once again he is reminded and forced to deal with the fact im not nearly as well as I pretend.

it drives him up a wall that I’m not there.  That this isn’t a quick fix.  That our lives are run sometimes not by our wants or desires and instead by lupus.  And mostly it drives him crazy to know there isn’t anything he can do other than visit and carry on.

So he breezes in and breezes out so as not to show too much of his hurt to me.  And I, for my part, threaten to strangle him so he has to leave sooner.  And we both laugh!  Yes this is partially how we live with and cope with lupus.