Le Sigh

A huge sigh filled the air.  THe kind of sigh that was full of unsaid words, unmentioned worries and unresolved problems.  It was, in fact, the kind of sigh Beloved has gotten rather good at doing.  One might even call it second nature to him.

It had become the beginning of his conversations, the end of his discussions and the way he filled the silence.  And he wasn’t even aware he was doing it.

Sadly, I was the reason for this sighing of his.   It wasn’t intentional on my part, not in the least.  It was, however, a side effect to me rushing headlong into my life with lupus while still having a career and such. This meant that at times I forgot to tell him things.

Fine, since we are al friends here, it meant occasionally missing an appointment or medication times. Which yes, I know, isn’t always the most responsible thing or ideal for my health.  And this, of course, is the reason for the sighs.

And as the sigh filled the air I felt s though I had disappointed him.  Even though this time there wasn’t any cause for him to do that.   And so my impatience rose with him as well. I wanted him to just day what he needed to say.

So he moved into the conversation and all was well. Until the end, when he suggested perhaps a small nap might be in order.  As he put it, you know a bit of rest with lupus wouldn’t be bad.  It’s not that he was wrong, but good heavens.  I wanted to sigh and tell him to leave it.  I didn’t because sighing is his field of expertise.  Mine seems to be not following rules and such.


Sock It To Me

There is something to be said about fuzzy socks.  Especially for days when it’s a little chilly or damp and you want to curl up and be comfortable.  And let’s not forgot about how lovely they are when we spend a lazy, cool day, reading.

You may say I have a thing for fuzzy socks.  Hugs for your feet and legs to my way of thinking!  And who doesn’t want hugs for legs and feet on cold days or nights?  Although I will confess I’d rather that no real hugs take place when it comes to my feet and legs!

So today, I tossed on my fuzzy socks, grabbed a book and ignored the cool drizzle outside.  Because it was the perfect conditions and timing for fuzzy socks, an e cel lent story and letting the rest of the world slip away.  Temporarily of course!

The four-footed one was in agreement with me, although she doesn’t have fuzzy socks.  Instead she likes to rest on my fuzzy socks.  While my feet are inside them!  And no she doesn’t read either.  She’s just along for the lounging effect I think.  Which frankly is amazing all on its own.  Add it with the fuzzy socks and books and you have incredible comfort!  Which is what today ended up being!

A Delicate Operation


Sometimes you just want to play with your squeaky toy eggs. When it’s one of those times there is nothing that will work as a substitution.  No other toy can fulfil that need.

Today was one of those days where the four-footed one wanted her green eggs, which were in the wash because frankly dried dog slobber?  Eww.  Not that wet stuff is any better so when I can sneak them away to give them a wash, I take advantage of it.

I just wasn’t sneaky enough this time.  She searched for those eggs for a few hours.  I tried to distract her with other second favorite toys.  She was having none of it.

Not only was she not having any distractions she was getting mad.  Mad that her eggs were missing.  Mad that I tired to distract her.  And a mad four-footed one is not easily appeased.

I’m not proud of this friends. But sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.  Out of the need to save my hearing, I broke down and provided her with a dental cleaning treat.  One that would occupy her for more than the 15 minutes left for operation clean and dry the green eggs.

Not Sure Where It Went

Where has the day gone? I woke up, got ready for a coffee out with a friend I’ve not seen in a few years.  I walks the four-footed one before the coffee, came home and did some light cleaning before doing some work to prepare for the next day.  And suddenly it’s evening and I’m not exactly sure where the day actually went.

About the only other thing I can say that I did today was find a USB stick I had spent the last three days looking for. I mean full on panic ensued when I first realized it was missing.  As I tried to sleep I would try to remember everything on the stick and panic that there was something highly confidential and I had lost it in a public place.

When I first realized it was missing, a few hours after having been out doing some shopping, I felt my heart start to flutter as it dropped into my stomach.  It was too late at night to do anything so I vowed first thing the next day I’d go and see if it had been turned in.  And I was fine with that.

Until I tried t sleep and suddenly thought I might have confidential information on it.  At that point my heart started to race again and I found myself feeling very warm.  Naturally I woke up with joint pain and swelling thanks to the stress I had put myself.

Beloved, in his practical way, said it was somewhere in the house and it would turn up when I needed it.  And that’s sort of what happened.  You see while getting my stuff moved into my smaller bag, I found it on the floor. It must have fallen off the table and gone behind where the bags were.  It wasn’t a place I thought to look.

So I guess even thought I may not know where the day exactly went, it was a good and productive day.

Nature Provides Entertainment

We’ve had a flock of birds take up residence in the neighbor’s trees.  Every morning we are greeted with some bird song and bird squabble.  Every day Beloved moans about the birds leaving their umm droppings in our yard, on the sidewalks and parked vehicles.  The way he carries on you’d thinks his vehicle wasn’t tucked safely away.

The four-footed one has a slightly different take on the birds.  She enjoys watching them fly about.  Loves when they drop the seeds or nuts they have collected from across the path to bring back to their trees.  She can watch them flap about for hours, entertained by their antics.

Until they come into our yard.  At which point all heck breaks loose and she borrows a page from Beloved’s book.  She barks, growls and snaps at the window as she watches them in our yard.   She lunges and leaps and on the odd time Beloved has her out and the birds land in the yard, she lunged and leaps.  Beloved reckons if she wasn’t on a leash she’d stand a chance of catching one of the slower birds.

In a few weeks, the weather will shift and so will the birds, at which point the four-footed one will stop looking for the birds and watch the cats slink around.  And Beloved, well, he will find something new to complain about.


In Charge

The four-footed one decided that today was the day to make her stand. Or in her case, her escape. A stand, well actually a runner, against being placed in the safety of her kennel during transport. Yes, dear friends, she bolted on me. She ran. She ran hard and fast for freedom.

We were on our way to the umm puppy doctor (we don’t say vet for obvious reasons), and I had placed her kennel near her to put her in it. She’s been in it many times and not always going to see the doctor. Sometimes we go for a ride and she always experiences it from within her kennel.

But today she said no more. Enough of this. And she ran away from me. And because the door to the outside was open as well, Beloved was coming in, she bolted for the freedom of the garden. She ran laps. She crawled behind the shed, so we couldn’t get to her easily. Eventually she slunk behind a low tree to hide.

How did we catch her? She cannot resist her kibble. Holding out a single piece of her kibble, the stuff I feed her every day, was her undoing. She had to leave her hiding spot. It was irresistible. So much so that as she leaned in to get her kibble, I scooped her up and popped her in the kennel.

I know now she will do this again. She will pick her moments, make her stand through running and we will have to remind her that she isn’t the boss of us. As we meekly hold out that single piece of kibble to coax her back to us. Because clearly we are in charge!

Detailed Demons Indeed

A question was posed to me recently if it would be better for people to basically tame their demons or to domesticate a demon. It’s an interesting question given my field of work, but not only I’m really qualified to answer.

What is a demon after all? And what do you mean when you say tame or domesticate given that one would say we are changing a behavior (tame) and the other that we are changing it genetically (domestication). I’m not so sure that you can change a demon genetically, and if you could, the question becomes why would you?

To me the issue with the question is whether humans ethically have the right to change anything really. Obviously, we have done it in the past, from domesticating dogs and such to taming wildlife. Whether it was completed out of human need or entertainment I cannot say, but we have done so in the past.

I suppose some will look at an exorcism or deliverance ceremony as a means of taming a demon by expelling it and demanding it not return. And the cry from that would be that it was for the good of humanity, but that takes away the purpose of the demon.

Surely the demon serves a purpose, exists for some reason and who are we to either try to teach it to walk on a leash or make it into a house pet? And do we have any idea what would happen if we did this? Would we, or could we, even take that type of responsibility? For the outcome I mean?

The first step to looking at this, beyond the ethics is how do we define demons. From a religious sense they are entities of some type, which means they have a life or an existence. In daily terms they tend to be the things we cannot avoid, or the things that bring about our own down fall such as drink. So can you leash drinking or domesticate it?

Does it make it easier to take our bad habits and ascribe an entity to them or rather the entity that drives us to revisit and partake in the bad habit repeatedly? Perhaps. It certainly takes away from personal accountability and maybe that too is unfair of us. Sure, you can say that a demon manipulates us to do things that we wouldn’t otherwise do, but that doesn’t remove our accountability. Nor is the demon why we drink, it leads us to drink and then we have our own reasons for why we continue to carry out the behavior, if we use drink as an example.

I think, coming back to the question, it is better to leave the demon be what it is meant to be. Not tamed to walk beside me on leash, or sit in my house for my amusement nor is it meant to be domesticated to be a pet of some sort. Instead if it is to exist, it is to exist as it was meant, with whatever freedoms it comes with.