Today I ran out of battery power. Well not me as per say but my devices. Perhaps it’s a case of me failing to manage my device power levels appropriately. I can accept this is a failing of mine. Especially since my phone, tablet and wearing technology all were at less than 20% battery power at the same time.
Now having an energy crisis is not a small thing these days. Life is basically run off of and held within my devices, or so it seems. Thus I did, upon getting the low battery warning, rush to find outlets, Chargers and the likes. I was a girl on a mission to get that all taken care of.
Once my devices were all nicely tucked into power outlets I wondered what the real Rush was about. Would the world end if I let my phone die for a bit? Probably not. Would disaster for all mankind arrive if my tablet went dark? Well it might on account of the work I was doing was off my tablet. And in all fairness my tablet is what warned me it was running out of power.
I’ve let these things creep into my life to the point of dictating my responses which isn’t right. But here I am charging them and keeping an eye on them because they seem to control me or have control over me.
There is no handbook that you are given when you get a diagnosis of a chronic illness. None. You might wish there was, but I promise you a doctor doesn’t have one to give you. Sure, a doctor may hand you pamphlets and such, but it isn’t a handbook.
There is no Welcome to…. or Living With…. I mean those titles might exist, but they aren’t handbooks offered by medical practitioners. And maybe, just maybe that’s a good thing. Not because lack of knowledge is a good thing, but because for some people that first diagnosis can be overwhelming. And for some of us, when we are overwhelmed we can barely remember our names, let alone remember to grab everything with us etc.
When it comes to an illness like lupus, the reality is that there is no set formula or path that the illness takes. How it affects one person is not how it will affect another. And if I were given a book that basically spelled out how the illness should behave and then it doesn’t behave that way, I’d probably be mad. And I’d wonder if I really had lupus or if it was something else that had been misdiagnosed.
Or what if your illness starts doing things that aren’t in your hand book? Then what happens? So no my dear friends, there aren’t handbooks for this, but there are books in general about the illness. And wonderful support groups.
I remember one of the neighbor ladies telling me “the higher you get your hair, the closer you are to God” when I was young. After she told me that I assumed she must be near the right hand of God because she had an amazing head of hair.
It was piled up big and high and reminded me of a sculpture. Her hair was an entity all of its own and I used to watch it to see if birds perched on it or what have you. For the record as far as I know no birds ever perched on her hair. Perhaps the most amazing thing about her hair, and there was a lot of amazing things about it, was how it never moved. Not even a fraction of an inch. Big winds were no match for her hair.
My Father said her hair could become an issue for low flying airplanes, especially since it was a tall and unyielding structure. This made her hair even more astounding to me, almost exotic in some ways. Especially compared to the other ladies and their styles which were bland, boring and conservative. They, I reasoned, we’re not as close to God.
I aspired to have big hair, not to be closer to God. But because she made it seem so glamorous. Special sprays and only one person to style it, not to mention that she had to keep a special routine to keep her hair at maximum height. So I grew my hair long and discovered short of wrapping my hair onto a structure affixed to my head, my hair simply would never acquire the height and volume of her hair. Of course I also discovered the nightmare of being trapped in a hair routine. So I cut it off, because too much responsibility is a bad thing in my world.
The four-footed one has been keeping a careful eye on the neighbourhood. She knows when people are coming and going. She sees the cats slinking around the various bushes, waiting for the birds to abandoned the trees in favour of the ground. She keeps tabs on the garbage collectors, the mail being delivered and the children making their way noisily.
The four-footed shared her information. Not with me. Not necessarily because she doesn’t want to, but because we don’t share the same language. But when we are out and about visiting other dogs, she seems to share information. The same as when someone comes to ring the doorbell. She alerts her network of watchers, just in case.
Her network, unlike mine, is far-reaching and tight at the same time. But her network is not unbreakable. With the right offer of a distracting in the form of a delicious treat or perhaps a nice toy, a hole forms in this tight network.
Suddenky one of the watchers misses seeing something, and someone slips by unnoticed. There is a gap in the information pipeline leaving the potential for an unpleasant surprise or an unwanted visitor. Not that you can tell the four-footed one any of this. She believes her network is solid, because she forgets how a small thing can distract her or her friends for a period of time.
Apparently the four-footed one is a jealous companion. I did not know this before and if someone had asked me I would have never said yes and hesitated a great deal before saying maybe. It just never crossed my mind.
I know’ some of you are wanting to slap my head for me. How could I not see her being jealous since she’s spoiled rotten and is doted upon. Yes I know, what was I thinking!
The only reason I made this discovery is that while a visitor tried to get near where I was sitting to show me something, she insisted on placing herself between the other person and my body. Which could be seen as protective. Except than she also opted to paw at me for attention and demand a nice scratch behind her ears. Nothing protective about that.
Now as amusing as it is on some level, this behavior can’t continue for a number of reasons. I’ve tried ignoring her when she demands attention, but short of wearing chain mail I’m not sure ignoring her is ideal. No she hasn’t punctured my skin when she puts her teeth on me, but you never know.
Distract her with another toy? I tried that, so far she is not being distracted. Reward her when she’s doing what I want? Tried that too. The thing is the four-footed one is a stubborn as mule and bull-headed as well. (Although she’s all dog!) Clearly we have work to do!
The four-footed one has a new game. It’s called chase. Throughout the house. Non-stop. She discovered this little bit of fun when I took away her favourite towel. It needed to be washed. I assume she thought her towel was never coming back again.
When I took her towel to the washing machine she chased after me. After I put the towel in the washing machine and started it up, I headed to another area in the house. She chased after me. As if to say “hey about my towel? I think it’s drowning”.
As I carried on with other tasks she chased after me. When I out her towel into the clothes dryer she chased me and jumped, as if to grab her towel before it went into the dryer.
I cleaned out and rearranged her dog bed as best I could while being chased by the determined four-footed one. She chased me to get her towel out of the dryer. And then chased me to where the towel needed to be put on the floor.
You’d think we would be done this game of chase, but I picked up her toys to out them away and this just resulted in more chase. Now she is flopped comfortably on her bed and you’d never know I tried to do anything about this house today.
Have you ever thought you had a pretty understanding of how your relationship was going? You knew how to read things and could tell when something was going sideways? Yeah that was me too. Until today.
Today I discovered that where I thought I had a good handle on things in a very close relationship, I realized I had no clue how the other party really felt. Until the other party decided to show me. By just ceasing to interact with me. Completely. No warning. No signs to be read in advance. Just suddenly shut me out.
Shut me out of my contacts, my texts and all of that. Yes friends, my phone has decided I am not worthy of a relationship with it any longer. It stopped working for me. And yet, when I mentioned this to a friend, it worked just fine for my friend. I feel betrayed and hurt, not to mention confused why my phone works for someone else and not me. I am the one who charges it and takes it out on adventures.
I’m beginning to think my phone caught me looking at newer phones and is jealous. But I’m loyal to my phone and I thought we had an understanding around this. Evidently I was wrong. Please tell me I’m not the only person who has been shut out and denied by their own phone.