Inside and Outside The View Is Perfect

I don’t, as a rule, edit Beloved’s work, just as he doesn’t typically edit mine either.  However today was not a typical day and thus rules were meant to be broken.  As in, today, I found myself reading his work.  Two hundred pages to be exact, to be read and changes suggested if required.  Which meant that while he was out and about, I was home reading his work.

He leans towards a case of florid verbal copy with a more verbose vocabulary.  In other words there are times when I need to grab the thesaurus and dictionary on top on of the reference books I need to ensure he has it all set out correctly.  So today, while he went shopping for food stuff, I curled up with his words and the appropriate supporting materials.

Time passed by without me even noticing it passage.  When he left to go shopping, I got myself set up.  When he came home, I barely registered his arrival.  I was in the midst of reading a rather large passage of filled with interesting points.  To be honest, I really only acknowledged the passage of time he insisted that I stop for something to eat.  Right after that break, I went back to finish the work I had started.

The next thing I knew he was standing beside me, the four-footed one under his arm and a cup of coffee from one of my favorite coffee places.  A quick glance at the clock let me know that a solid three hours had passed and I hadn’t even gotten up from the chair once.  I had a few pages left, so I took the coffee and watched him walk over to the window seat with the dog.  The two of them curled up to watch the city before them.  And I, well, I finished reading and noting things.

When I was finished, I stood up and stretched.  Then I stretched a bit more before walking over to the two on the window seat.  Apparently the city was boring as the two of them were fast asleep so I carefully sat down near them to finish my coffee and not get bored by the view, both inside and outside.

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The Strength And The Fragility Of The Human Condition

While out and about today, I stopped off for some nourishment in a small, local café. The time and the location meant that the café wasn’t crazy busy or so full that there were no tables available. But it was busy enough that you could tell it wouldn’t be a risk to stop and eat there. Maybe that’s just me, but when I’m the only person eating in a place and it’s not a super odd hour to be eating I always worry if everyone else knows something I don’t know about the food or the reputation of the place!

I was directed to a nice table near the corner of the café with only the table directly in front of me also being occupied. Once I placed my order I decided to have a quick look around before pulling out my typical reading material. (Yes I am that much of a book-worm that I will read any chance I get. And yes my mother was not a fan of reading at the table, but she also was a fan of reading so at times she would permit the odd book or two.) Just before I pulled out my book I noticed that the orders for the three people seated in front of me had arrived. The food looked delicious and smelled wonderful and to confess I was a feeling more heartened by this.

But I went to pick up the book I was going to read, I was reminded of just how frail we all really are. I was also reminded of how far compassion, care and empathy can go in making a person’s day so much better. You see one of the elderly companions at the table in front of me was unable to use her hands. They had curled up and she could not hold cutlery or the glass with her drink in it. Her two other companions took turns helping her to eat and drink with effortless grace while affording her dignity. Clearly despite this small setback they were having a good time laughing and enjoying each other’s company.

I got to wondering if in our fast paced lives, so focused on devices, electronics and everything instantaneous we haven’t misplaced something more important. Something that will come back to us when we are older or in need of help and if this something won’t just be lost as we drift further away from human relationships. I know I’ve been guilty and still am guilty of putting things before people in my life at times. I know I’ve decided that I prefer solitude most often, and I wonder if as I get older or my struggles become greater, if I won’t be missing out not just on human companionship, but the dignity and grace that comes with friendship and love.

Oops I Missed The Signs

Taking advantage of some nice weather, I decided to sit outside and just enjoy the flowers and the birds.  I grabbed a nice refreshing drink I learned to make from the Middle East, a good book and headed over to the comfortable chair.  There is something about enjoying a good book with a satisfying drink in a pleasing and relaxing setting.

The birds were singing on and off, a fountain was gurgling in the background and the smell of flowers filled the air.  It was nice.  And the book was one that I could just get lost in, and lost in it was exactly what I did.  The problem with getting lost in a book outside is that you lose track of the sun.  And losing track of the sun is a no no with lupus.

And of course once I became aware of the sun, I had to move the chair back into the shade.  That can out a bit of a damper on the enjoyment, until you get back into the book.  And  then you have to repeat that cycle again, unless you find a place that has shade no matter what.

I have a gazebo to sit under, but sometimes I want to just enjoy the outdoors without seeking the shelter of the gazebo.  It’s a bit like being outside and not being outside at the same time.  But in the end, I always find myself in the gazebo because it’s better than pushing things with lupus too far.

Today I guess I wasn’t as careful as I thought.  The evidence is on my face, a lovely butterfly rash, swelling in my feet and hands and an incredible stiffness all throughout my body.  And that’s just the beginning of the price I will pa for getting lost in the book and the mood outside.

I didn’t notice the rash, and until I got up to walk I wasn’t aware of the swelling and stiffness.  Beloved’s comment to me today, when I saw him was “your face is red, really red”.  That’s when I knew I wasn’t as careful as I had thought.

Its funny really how I can ignore things, downplay the symptoms until someone points out the obvious.  Once I was informed my face was red I was aware of it.  I could see the swelling which is weird because I could see that before, but I just didn’t.

Beloved, thankfully, helps me through moments.  No lectures, no sighs or rolling of eyes.  I guess he understands that sometimes the need to be normal, that sometimes the desire to just enjoy, is overwhelming.  He simply gets me through the worst of it, finds a way to make the gazebo more like being without it and tells me I don’t have to be that tough.