They Did It Again

Play music they said. It will help you concentrate they promised. It’s great for recall they raved. Folks, they lied. They lied about it helping me concentrate on the material I was writing, unless I was supposed to be writing about the music, which I wasn’t. It did not help me recall facts or dates either, just songs I had heard.

Whoever this they are, this all-knowing authority clearly does not know everything. Or they have decided to advise me down the wrong path. On purpose. Except I do not get to provide my students with the lyrics to the song I was listening to rather than the facts or dates. I promise the final exam will not reflect my musical tastes, nor will there be any questions about specific lyrics. I don’t teach Lit, otherwise I might have been able to make that work.

So if you need to know the words to Blame It On Me, I might be able to help you, but if you need specific dates about when certain documents were discovered, you better look elsewhere. At least for now, until the little trick that they suggested I use empties out of my head. It shouldn’t take too long, just until the song becomes annoying or what have you.

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A Pain In My Foot

Isn’t it amazing how the smallest of things can create the biggest issues for you?  A tiny fly gets near you and if you are like me you must treat it as though an entire flock of Pterodactyls  are buzzing at your head.  (For the record, I don’t know if Pterodactyls ever flew in flocks or anything of that nature.)

I had  the world’s tiniest speck of rock in my shoe, almost invisible is how I’d describe this rock in my shoe.  And although I walk with the four-footed one on an almost daily basis, I wouldn’t say I’m a serious walker so the rock would be an annoyance at best.

So I  ask you, dear friends, to help me understand how this tiny little even rock, this almost non-existent thing created a blister that covers the entire bottom of my foot?  It is surely one of the greatest mysteries of the universe.  Or as Beloved likes to say, something that could only ever happen to me and must be documented to prove it even happened.

I confess it’s a rather challenging place to have a blister as just standing makes the thing hurt, however if this is the extent of my silly wound I am sure I shall be fine.  Especially since suddenly people are wanting to do things for me to keep me from being on my foot!

Can’t Help But Be Nosy

I took my four-footed companion out with me today.  A small trip out to visit some folks in the countryside.  Nothing too exciting, but you wouldn’t know it from her behavior.  She ran from here to there and then over to this place and that place and back around again.  She’d take a small break and start all over again!

Of course I don’t have a memory like hers. I try to live in he moment, but I am not living one moment to the next exactly as she does.  And I do not have her incredible nose,  a nose that rarely if ever misses  the faintest smell of cheese in the air.  Or meat cooking.  Or new smells from animals, trucks, cars or bakeries.  Basically she lives through her tiny, incredible nose.

And that same, tiny little nose seems to have no issue in snuffling out tiny mushrooms still Underground.  Or a peanut dropped by a bird into heavy leaf litter.  Or a small crumb of toast dropped on the floor at one of the house while she is in the other end of the house.  Every single time she will target in on that one small crumb and zero her focus right to it.  She doesn’t weave from one room to another when seeking the crumb.  Nor does she struggle to find that dropped peanut or mushroom.

Perhaps if I had a nose like that I might be as excited about the outing.  I was pleased by the outing myself, but not run around from here to there and back again repeatedly.  Then again I wasn’t smelling what she smelled.  Then again, her nose may be small but it works like something much larger than it really is.  I guess she can’t help but be nosy with a nose like that!

Focusing On Fortunes Blessing

Sometimes I forget how blessed I really am.  When Beloved had his health crisis all I could think of was how to get him well. I was also aware that the world seemed to be crashing down around me, but I had to focus on his getting better.

When we came out of that tunnel, I forgot how fortunate I was to have him with me.  I took his presence and his health for granted in some ways.  Perhaps it is because he was fortunate enough to get back into his old routine so things just slipped back to “normal”.

And as we moved further away from his health crisis, the easier it was to put the distance behind us and thus step away from being grateful for each moment I have with him. I do practice moments of gratitude, but not enough.  I’ve become completely aware of this now that we are far on the other side of things.

I am working on taking the steps back and pausing to consider what I have and what all I have been truly blessed with in my life. And you know what, sure we have the fear of a potential health crisis in his future, but it is just a small percentage potential, but ultimately I am truly blessed with what is in my life.

Devices, Zones and Not There Yet

I am thrilled to announce that according to my mind and body tracking device I have managed to achieve more than three minutes of calm and peace.  More than once even!  I have managed a full stretch of nine minutes once, other times six to seven minutes.  I am pleased to say I have held this tracking of peace and calm a dozen times!

These are major accomplishments for me.  Granted I’m still no closer to knowing what that feels like when I am in the zone of peace and calm.  I also can’t tell you when I’m in the zone of focus either.  Although I’m very good in this according to the device.  Once again I have no clue how that feels when I’m in that moment.

According to my coach, I just need to pay attention when the device alerts me to being in one of these zones.  Here’s what I don’t understand, if I pay attention when I’m in this zone doesn’t it take me out of the zone?  Or is this yet again another one of these things I don’t understand.

The only thing I do know for certain is that I do not find these moments of peace and calm, nor even moments of focus, when I am attempting yoga or meditation.  Apparently meditation drives me to a tense state and yoga doesn’t seem to register at all.  So am I doing something wrong?  Is the device faulty?  Or is this the way things go?

Meditating on Meditation or Where Is My Inner Calm When The Zen Zoomed Away

According to my mind and body tracker I can focus without any problem.  This isn’t really a surprise to me though.  What is a surprising, but not in a good way is that I struggle reach calm, relaxation or peace.  I’ve managed a whopping two bouts, each under five minutes, of almost calm and peace.

on the plus side, tension also doesn’t seem to be an issue with me.  Who knew that tension and i aren’t best of friends?  In my experience things tend to be tension or relaxation and yet I hover in this grey area.  Neither tense nor relax…just simply there I guess.

I’ve also tried the guided meditation exercises that came with this wee little device, all to no avail.  Actually they make me less on the calm side, but not true tension either.  Beloved has chalked this up to my most contrary nature! 😉  Umm yay me?!

The thing is, if I really didn’t need to pass this one course, all about guided meditation, I’d probably not even care.  And of course if I didn’t care I might actually be closer to doing it.  Yep that’s what I thought!

The truth is, I have even tried to convince myself that it doesn’t matter, but my mind knows better.  And so it says this meditation deal should be easy.  And it just can’t stop thinking about other things and focusing on problems of the universe.  Perhaps my mind is afraid of just letting go.  After all it is the unknown for myself and I always am a bit more hesitant to dive into an unknown that doesn’t include a fun landing!

At any rate that’s my story.  And the score, for those of you who are wondering…guided meditation exercises 4, me successfully completing an exercise 0.

Leaping and Landing is a Matter of Breathing

I’m a quick glance before you throw yourself completely into the leap kind of girl.  This means that sometimes the leap provides a bit more than I’ve bargained for…such as more shallow than deep waters, or deep yet slimy water to land in.

Some of you may be wondering when I will learn to properly look before leaping and to perhaps not fully throw it all in with the leap.  Some of you might suggest a safety line or other such means.   These are all sound, good and, well, safe things.  That’s probably why I don’t do them!  😉

After my last leaping adventure, which resulted in a less than graceful landing in a slightly muddy patch, Beloved suggested taking some time to breathe and just listen to things.  To his way of thinking all this leaping and some times odd landings is taking a toll on me, and thus him as well.

He suggested just being still and breathing for in those still moments of deep brats often time we hear the most clearly.  We are able to listen completely to the message and the answer we are provided is the right one for us.  But I’ve never been good at still, or deep breathing.  I can’t meditate worth a darn and seem to have issues when it comes to controlling myself around certain theories or ideas.  I am, my dear readers, a girl who runs headlong into the wind while its gusting to the point of being an event.

So here I am, covered in mud, not a hint of gracefulness around my being and Beloved announces he has found the thing to help me find those quiet moments.  At the first protest of yet another set of meditation books or classes, he roars for me to let him finish.  He never roars, well almost never at any rate.  He shows me an image of a little electronic device.  This makes me smile because both he and I have a soft spot for electronic devices…he is much worse with this soft spot than I am.😊

The device is a kind and body tracker.  It connects to one’s cellphone and sense when you are in need of a deep broth.  In other words it’s basically an electronic coach.  It also measures your steps and calories burned, which are irrelevant to me.

But as you may know I have a fear of all this tracking  in the mundane existence of my life.  Who needs confirmation as to how boring one’s life really is after all? 😐

Still I have agreed that I shall try this little gizmo, just to see if it can help me so I have a few more graceful and soft landing.  Beloved has one purchased one for himself too, just because it’s a new electronic gadget and why not?  Besides he is amused that he will have something telling him when to trying we play breathing.

part of me thinks that this leap may in fact have us both deep mud, or quick sand or stinky puddle of water.  But we shall see how it all works out!