The four-footed one when on a shopping spree earlier. She’s normally a saver when it comes to money, but now and then she just has to have something and so she allows a little money to leave her possession.
I know it seems odd, a dog who saves money, but she doesn’t just do that, she finds her own. Shed probably make money if people would pay her, but as it is, she finds dropped money on the ground. She promptly picks this money up and basically spits it out at us in return for a treat, also known as trade. Her found money is put away until she has enough for a special shopping day.
Some people tell me that her treat she earns when I ask her trade is her payment, but trade is basically what we do with her to get her to drop anything she can’t eat. Trade started when she found a big clod of dirt she was going to consume, I offered her the trade of two whole pieces of her kibble in return for the dirt. Since she’s food motivated this worked well and has continued to work when she simply cannot heed the command to leave something alone.
Her latest shopping spree ended in the acquisition of hair products, well okay coat conditioner and waterless shampoo as well as trade items, and her special purchase which is a small yet durable alligator. She seems smitten with the alligator taking it with her everywhere she can and trying to sneak it into place it isn’t allowed such as her little pool. Now I know some of you are thinking she’s a smart dog, and she is, I mean she knows alligators require water. It’s just that her alligator is of the plush variety. You know, the kind that doesn’t need water or feeding and in return won’t basically kill you and then consume you.
Because she can go into this store she gets to pick out her special purchase, typically this is the one I got she finds that she refuses to give up. Thankfully the store we go to doesn’t have that many things at her level and I’m extra thankful that what is at her level is affordable and not always of the food variety.
Beloved went shopping for a few essentials. I trust him, I mean he is an educated and intelligent man. Plus he has gone shopping on his own before. And we weren’t talking about having to buy anything completely foreign to him. Let’s face it folks, buying toilet tissue is not rock science.
And yet it is a science of sorts. We all know what we like to use to on cleanup duty. Things to consider are texture, softness, absorbancy and such. There are some things where going on the cheap just never pays.
Now I do understand why Beloved didn’t want to spend money on something we are basically just flushing down the toilet. Oh yes I truly resent having to pay a disgusting sum of money for an item that is simply to clean up waste. But I also hate using sandpaper on my delicate bottom. I also hate the stuff that’s so thin it just rips. And then there is the stuff that doesn’t absorb squat.
Beloved did not consider this when he went shopping. He was in a hurry to get what he needed to get and come home. So he grabbed the first thing he saw that was at a “reasonable” price. Except it wasn’t a reasonable price because we used more of it each time we needed some.
Please tell me I’m not the only person who has standards for this. Please tell me that there are other people out there who feel awful about flushing money away in terms of toilet tissue, but will not protect finances in the name of comfort.
I admit it, I’m a money launderer. I’m not proud of it, but desperate times call for desperate measures. It was all so innocent when I first started, too innocent to be honest.
You see I normally don’t have money in my pockets, usually it’s in my purse or wallet, not loose in a pocket. And thus it was as I did a load of laundry I started my career as a money launderer. I didn’t even know what I had until I went to iron my pants and there was clearly something in my pocket. Something that refused to iron smoothly. With a bit of hesitation I stick my hand in and pulled out a crumpled bill. Not a huge sum of money was found, but the way I was carrying on you would have thought I won the lottery.
That was the first time, since then I’ve committed this crime repeatedly. I’ve learned from this. For example if the bill has been horribly damaged the bank may not take it and then you have a harder time. I’ve also learned that despite the fact that your money may be neatly folded when you throw your pants in the wash, it will always end up a crumpled mess in your pocket.
I’ve also learned it doesn’t pay to launder coins, they don’t hold still in your pockets, they have no interest in just getting clean and then becoming a surprise when you put your pants on or decide to iron them. Nope coins will fall out and clang around in the washer and dryer. If the coins were dirty when you placed them in the wash, you may end up with a dirty, coin shaped splotch on your “clean” clothing requiring you to rewash the load.
So far the police haven’t come to arrest me and for this I’m grateful. I’m not sure how I’d manage doing hard time for laundering money simply because I forget to check my pockets before starting the wash. Where is the street cred in that?