What I Saw

Over the years I have had my palms read, my aura read and my tea leaves read. Today I had my coffee grounds read.  Yeah who knew this even existed, certainly not me.

The idea is you make a pot of coffee with grounds thrown into the bottom and of course when your pour it out, grounds end up in the bottom of your cup.  After you’ve consumed your drink the grounds stay there and a trained reader can educate you about your future.

I can tell you that this reading was much like all the other ones I’ve had, a lot of vague references about the future which can be interpreted in several different ways.  That way the reading is surely accurate, you see events unfold in a manner that is self-serving.  Or at least in keeping with the reading.

Regardless the idea that anything can offer us a glint of hope for the future or maybe just a small slice of what the future may hold is always fascinating.  Not because it will show the future, rather because it touched deep within our subconscious and laying bare our hopes, dreams, fears and such.  In other words it says more about us than the skill of the reader.  And in my case the vague statements revealed to me my anxiety, excitement and  concern about what the future may hold for career, health and general life.  I didn’t need a reading to know that, but it was intriguing all the same.



Immersed Blundering Of Sorts

The only true way to learn a language, I’ve been told, is to immerse yourself in it. Immersion forces you to learn the language in order to be understood, to communicate and so on. The problem with immersing yourself in a language when you are an adult is that it is, well, frankly overwhelming at times.

I know this because I’ve watched a few friends boldly take the plunge and move to places where English is not only not the native language, but is not commonly spoken. And they have all said it was hard to get across basic things, like ordering food or drinks.

When we are younger being immersed is a good thing, it is painless. We are blank pages waiting for words to be written across us. We are open and receptive to learning and being immersed. But a strange thing happens as we get older. We struggle with being open and receptive to this new thing.

Beloved struggled to learn a new language. Beloved is a highly educated and reasonably intelligent man (actually highly intelligent, but whatever) who struggled to use the new words rather than reverting back to his native English. He struggled to express himself properly in the other language.

He told me later on it was definitely a humbling experience because he went from being someone who has been a university lecturer to being reduced to a toddler with the words he was provided. He felt lost, unable to fully express him and he said his lack of these things made him feel less confident. As he put it, “no one is going to ask (me) what color my socks are”, it’s going to be a harder question that I won’t be able to fully answer”. He still feels that way, but perhaps had he immersed himself in the language he might have stood a better change with this. Except he didn’t feel he could do immersion, not with work and such. Plus he said immersion made him feel like he’d be in a blender of sorts, making his two languages confused.

Sickness Galore

I’m not good at being sick, which is funny considering I am chronically ill and have sickness issues on a fairly regular basis. Still, no matter how much practice I get at being sick, I am still no good at it. To be honest I’d be fine without ever getting any more practice at this. And I am totally okay with not being sick either.

I suspect that this comes as a surprise to some people and to others it’s just a case of my stubbornness. If I could find the person who said I need more sickness in my life, I would probably have words with that person. But alas I cannot find one single person. And it’s that time of year when there are hordes of sick people to found anywhere and everywhere. Heck they will find you even if you don’t want to be fine. Trust me, I’ve tried to hide from them.

Beloved half laughs when I demand a sealed bunker, but when you have a crazy immune system and take chemotherapy to try and control it, well those sniffles suddenly become rather threatening. Your wee sore throat gives me the heejeebeejees. Your minor cold makes me shudder in fear. I’m terrified of getting sick enough to have to head to the hospital. Hospitals are full of sick people and we know how I feel about them!

So please, if you see me avoiding you like the plague, or holding a can of Lysol to spritz you down with prior to getting near you, do not take offense. I just don’t do sick well.

The Fright Long After Halloween

Beloved can be, well, unusual at times.  In fairness we all can.  So when he came into the house and declared someone was going through our trash I just kind of shrugged my shoulders. It isn’t like we have exciting trash.  Mostly just food stuffs and dirty paper napkins.  The odd wrapper and lots of dog poop.

We tie out dog poop up in little baggies once we pick up after her.  Which is right after she’s decided to do the deed.  So I mean honestly if someone were to go through our rubbish, have at it.  But to Beloved this isn’t good enough.  First he wanted hard proof someone was going through the rubbish bins and secondly he would want to know want they were looking for.

Beloved being Beloved, he set up a covert camera and trained it on the trash cans.  Within a few days he had his proof, there were two individuals going through the bins.  They were not successful in finding whatever it is they wanted to find as they walked away empty-handed.  And while they did go through the trash, they sort of tidied it up when they were done.

Still I was unnerved that someone felt s need or desire to go through my trash so we called local law enforcement and shared the footage with them.  And that’s why we now have law enforcement do random checks throughout the day.  It’s also  why Beloved has someone with him at work now too.  Just until we know what’s going on,  because free speech and the right to associate with who you wish is never really free.  People will try to exact a cost, such as a career or a life if need be.

Just A Wee Thing Indeed

My mama used to say nothing good would come from an early morning call.  Early morning as in before the sun comes up.  Of course my mama never dealt with relationships across the pond where there is almost a half day’s difference in time.

Mama wasn’t wrong though.  Because while it was Beloved on the phone, it wasn’t good news.  Not horrible news, but not good news either.  A “wee accident” as he put it.  Of course he also put it like this “nothing of consequence except for a wee injury requiring a cast”.  Because that’s the best way to tell someone you’ve shattered your bones and require a few plates put in to hold things all together.

Because metal plates and screws are just “wee” things of “no consequence” and therefore shouldn’t be considered as alarming or shocking.  Everyday occurrences basically.  Which for some people I guess isn’t that big of a deal.

I’m not sure if once the pain medications wear off that Beloved will feel exactly the same way about the injury.  And I can’t shake the feeling that there is far more to this story than he is sharing.  Which wouldn’t be unusual due to my lupus and all.

And speaking of lupus, it is definitely not going to let me rush to Beloved any time soon. Granted he isn’t going anywhere any time soon either so maybe lupus will settle down enough for me to make it to him, or he will be healed enough to get here before it settles down.  Because it’s just a wee thing indeed.

Transitory Thoughts

My father used to tell me that nothing worth having ever comes without a fight. He would bring up how much more enjoyable things are when you have had to struggle to get something or make it your own. Somehow struggling, hard work and what have you is supposed to make me desire the end results more.

Of course, what he was really getting at was that I would hold that which I acquired through hard work at a higher value and would appreciate it more. And there may be something to that, but at the same time I have never not appreciated that which has come easy to me. I have also never assumed that something which came without effort or hard work was of a lesser value.

The rocky process of transitioning from one state into another is where the challenge, the struggle and the strife all rest.  After the transition is the state of change, where for some it is a place to stop and catch their breath and enjoy the view. I suppose that it is after the change where my father’s words come in. He is talking about that whole process from the beginning of the transition into the point of having become changed.

Is it the change we fear or is it the struggle that lies in the phase of transitioning?

Results Coming In

Today I learned how much I rely on my eyesight.  I had assumed I would know my way around my house, I mean I can find my way through it on a dark night.  So why did I struggle trying to find my way through my house on a sunshine filled day?

Well for starters despite the sunshine streaming into my house, it could have pitch black.  You see at my eye exam the lovely optometrist ran some tests which required all sorts of amazing eye drops.  And those eye drops were designed for specific tests, not for carrying out daily tasks in bright light.

Some how among the eye drops going in (not a pleasant experience for me), the side effects of the drops, the tests and of course my stress I managed to work myself into a state of being unable to not only see, but also make sense out of where I was.

They had warned me, the test would render me unable to see in bright light or look at backlit things such as my electronic devices for a few hours.  I was prepared for that and even had lovely dark glasses with me.

What I wasn’t prepared for was how my fear and stress would alter my rational mind to the point I couldn’t find my way through my own house.  And while I wait for the rests, I’m sure the stress, anxiety and fear will continue to alter my rational thought process.  But I am also sure I can find a way to occupy some of my thoughts for some of the time.

Until the results come in!