Beloved is not the type of man to give in easily. He isn’t stubborn as per say. But he knows what he wants and he is not afraid to run an obstacle course or what have you to get what he wants. And if what he wants requires waiting, then so be it. If what he wants requires learning a new skill, no problem. What ever it takes to get what he wants in an ethical and moral way, he will do.
These are admirable traits to be sure. And if I’m honest I know I’ve done a few of these very things in the past myself. There’s nothing wrong with working for what you want and pursuing your dreams to your fullest, leaving no stone unturned so to speak. And yet today this very trait of Beloved’s irks me.
And it irks me because I do not like the impact it has on me. I like living my life freely, doing as I please, and making choices as I wish. Beloved on the other hand has this weird hang up about life. He seems to want to extend his. He thinks that everyone should do anything and grasp at any offered piece of advice, weight it and then try to extend life. He does not live with a chronic illness that is trying to slowly kill him. He does, however, occasionally live with me and I do live with said chronic illness.
There is a point where trying everything just gets, well, tiresome. And there are too many disappointments, twists and turns and suddenly you just don’t know where you are any more. So well Beloved doesn’t give up easily, he also hasn’t walked a mile or even one step in my shoes. Because he can’t. And what he can’t grasp now is that I’m tired of chasing the latest or greatest new thing. So I’m not. I’m just resting on that front, doing research and waiting. And he, for once, cannot seem to wait and sit still. It doesn’t come easy to him.