It’s Slow, It’s Safe

A friend of Beloved’s is trying to convince him to go SCUBA diving into the depths of the ocean, to check out caves and the life that lives down there.  Beloved is not keen on this idea.  As he put it, he is made for land.  He can survive on land.  He can move on land.  He cannot breath in the water without having specialized equipment.  Which is heavy.  Moving in water is also not natural as it isn’t his natural habitat.

It would be exceedingly unnerving I should think, to be in the inky darkness of the water, unable to see far into the distance.  It would also be unnerving in that you can’t see all around you, you have no place to hide really.  That is if you need to hide from something with great big teeth which can crush through your delicate skin and bones.

Needless to say Beloved has told his friend he isn’t too keen on the Idea.  He has countered with taking a nice boat ride out to the area, but not going in.  I personally would go with Beloved’s idea over his friend’s.  It just seems more sensible.  But then we do tend to fear that which we cannot see or do not know.  And besides, sharks! Real live, hungry sharks.  Not the kind I used to imagine in the deep end of the swimming pool.  These ones are real, wild and unpredictable.  So yes the boat makes more sense.

The boat, though, is safe.  And safe doesn’t let you see the caves and creatures of the deep.  This is his friend’s argument.  And secretly I hope this argument continues.  Because as long as it continues neither one of them is getting into deep, dark, unknown waters.  Which is safe.


I Wonder…

I wonder what it’s like to be full of energy.  I would jump out of bed, easily accomplish everything I wanted to do, go to work and keep up with all the adventures the four-footed one wants to take.  I’d marvel at how much one can do in a day.

Of I haven’t jumped out of bed in years.  And I have no clue what I’d do if I got done everything I wanted to within the day.  What on earth must it be like to not have a list of some sort just waiting for you to get to?

I used to be that girl, the one who had a far amount of energy.  I used to be that girl, the one who could easily tick things off her to-do list, or be up for a visit with friends.  (Granted there was still a limit to how much energy I had.)

But that was before.  Before lupus demanded attention.  Attention and energy.  Lupus is selfish that way.  You may have a mile long to-do list but lupus doesn’t care.  When lupus wants you to stay in bed, lupus makes getting out of bed super hard to do.

I used to think my dishwasher, the machine rather than a person, was a nice-to-have item.  Since lupus I’ve come to the conclusion that it is a must have.  I only ha e so much energy and strength and I rather not spend it on dishes when I could be spending it with people I enjoy.

I wonder what it’s like to love someone so much and watch the, struggle with a chronic illness like lupus.  To watch them struggle to get only some of the household chores accomplished.  To have to pick up the slack for that person.  I wonder how Beloved does it, and does it so easily and gracefully.  I wonder how he doesn’t get upset, surely he just resent lupus at times.  And yet he just keeps going, like he Energizer Bunny.  And I, while when I can I struggle along or let him carry me along.

Who Says Spa Time Has To Be Relaxing

The four-footed one had a spa day today.  Although judging from the looks of her it wasn’t a relaxing spa day in the least.  And I have a feeling the groomer didn’t exactly have a pleasant time either.

What was supposed to be a bath, hair cut (or fur cut I guess) and nail trim all promising to be relaxing for the dog, became a little something different.  It started with a small mishap at the washing station.  The water was turned a little to hard and so the four-footed one responded by making a giant tidal wave in her area.  This of course created more chaos which resulted in the four-footed one sliding around while groomers tried to catch her.

Once caught and secured she was bathed and dried, evidently against her wishes.  Her nails were trimmed and then it was hair cut time.  After her hair cut she was dried again and given a cute green bow.  The groomer working with her was rewarded with a nice cup of coffee and a cookie.

When we picked up the four-footed one our regular groomer told us what happened.  She said that honestly she didn’t think the other groomer would have such an issue, but she did.  When I inquired further she told me that the other groomer has issue so it has omen dogs. They simply do not take to her and evidently the four-foot one didn’t take to her.

At home the four-footed one had to run around and roll in the grass for a while.  Not in the least bit relaxed.  It took hours before she opted to settle down for a nice nap.  Beloved decided that spa day brings out the wild animal in her.  The wild animal that must run and play until she is relaxed and calm.  And has left her owners in a state of needing a relaxing day at the spa!

Breakfast In Bed Anyone

I am not a fan of breakfast in bed.  To be honest I’m not a fan of any meal in bed, this may be a result of too many hospital stays.  And then again, it may be a case of feeling that where I eat should not be the same place where I sleep.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t eat in bed, obviously that’s the case when I’m staying over at the hospital.  And yes it is true, Beloved has served me breakfast in bed a few times as well as other meals.  I just don’t enjoy it as much as some people seem to like eating in bed.

it isn’t just because of the crumbs and such getting in your sheets.  You see friends, I don’t spend a lot of time in bed when I feel well.  When I’m in a horrible lupus flare however I may spend days in bed.  Those days pass by in a blur of sleep, pain and medications.

Perhaps it is because I’m a product of my upbringing where unless I was very ill my parents expected me to be up and about doing things.  Heck my mother subscribed to the theory of get up and get dressed because you will feel better.  Sometimes it works, sometimes I don’t even have the energy to get out of bed.  At best I pull a brush through my hair.

So why am I telling you all this?  Because recently someone told me they thought the most decadent thing in the world was eating breakfast in bed.  Now I’m sure she didn’t mean the jello cups that I get in the hospital, but I just can’t see how eating in bed is decadent.  How about you?  Has lupus ruined a good thing for me?

Invitation Seasons And Lupus

A friend told me she has several  wedding invitations already for late spring and summer.  Another friend shared that she has a few requests for cabin/lake time as well as beach time.  Beloved also has received invitations for various outings for spring and summer, and like most people he won’t be able to attend all of them so he will have to make choices.

There was a time in my life when I had all these invites as well, however having to miss so many things due to health issues and such the invitations slowly die out.  I don’t blame people for this, I mean at some point you get tired of a certain someone cancelling on you last-minute.  No matter how understanding you are, it gets tiresome.  I understand that.

The thing is, being the person who is always cancelling at the last-minute I also find these last-minute cancellations to be tiring.  I’m tired of not knowing until the very last moment if I will be able to attend a gathering.  Sometimes I lose the energy while I’m getting ready, such as doing my hair or getting dressed.  Other times I wake up and just know I can’t make it.

But as I said, cancelling gets tiring to, as does the whole sense of being isolated.  So often  times I will push myself to go out and deal with the aftermath as needed.  Unfortunately that has meant being short-tempered, snarky and such with friends and loved ones; pain never brings out the best of me.

On one hand it would be better to just stay away from anything that requires an invitation and such for both my sanity and those I care about.  On the other hand no one wants to be ignored.  Except when there are a million wedding and party invitations during the beautiful days of spring and summer!

A Wind, A Change, A Dog

The winds of change have started blowing through here.  Change in terms of weather.  Change in terms of health and change in terms of aging.  Nothing, of course, ever remains the same so perhaps these aren’t the winds of change so much as winds of a cycle.

The four-footed one has caught one of these winds to ride for a wild time.  When the wind dropped her off again she had internalized the wildness into a way of being.  And I thought the crazy days of puppy-hood were moving into a more calm period! 😉  Alas she seems to have found her second wind or such.

I don’t mind that she has found her second wind, however I do mind that I didn’t get a second wind either.  It seems a bit unfair.  But the wind has not helped my health and yes I am getting older too.  Still a second wind would be nice.  Since I don’t have that, I’m just going to hope that at some point a strong enough of a wind comes along at some point that can let me take a wild ride.  Perhaps I will be able to take some of that wildness into my own being!  Until that point I guess I will enjoy the way the four-footed one has taken in the changes and produced some of her own.  Now if only I can keep up with her!

Something Whirling In The Wind

I thought when we got her, that the four-footed one was a dog. I never suspected that she would really be a mini whirlwind disguised as a dog racing from here to there with barely a pause. And yet it seems this isn’t’ the case. Except when she’s sleeping; then I’m positive she is a dog. She even has the vet fooled, that’s how good this disguise is.

But Beloved, I and our friends know otherwise. We have watched her race around the house leaving a wake of turmoil, disturbance and mess where she has visited. I know what you are thinking; she’s just in need of training, or perhaps managing and such. The truth is, you cannot train a whirlwind any more than you can attempt to tame the wind. She is a force unto her own. A free spirit following her own desires and whims.

We thought we’d contain the umm effects of her activities to one room, however she has discovered this thing called space. Actually she discovered the other rooms in the house and I’m pretty certain she decided to spread her style of decorating to these rooms as well.

At first we picked up after her, but when you do this about a million times in one day you get to the point of wondering why you even bother, especially when the item you’ve just put away reappears in some random spot in under a minute. Sure we could take away her toys and what have you, but then I’m pretty certain she’d demand that we become her toys and as much as I adore her, I’m not about to become a toy for her to shake or chew.

We’ve lied to ourselves saying this is a phase she will outgrow, but why would she? And yes I suspect we have kind of become overwhelmed with how fast and far-reaching her umm help travels which is why we’ve decided to just let the herd of “babies” stay wherever she leaves me. And by babies, I mean leaves that make crinkly noises when you pick them up, along with squeaky gingerbread boys and girls. Add some pigs that oink, cows that moo and a couple of dinosaurs to this group and you get somewhat of a feel for her babies. I never signed up for rounding up this slightly odd grouping of “family” members on a regular basis. Besides the pay is not what I expected.