They Said It Would Make My Life Easier…

I am a slave to technology. Or is it my electronics? You know when I acquired them ( the laptop, the tablet, the cell phone, and the virtual reality headset) the idea was that these things were there to improve my life.

But these are needy creatures of their accord. They need to be plugged in, they need to be updated, and so on. If I fail to do these, they fail to keep me happy. It is an odd dance of backward and forwards. Or is it a case of giving and taking?

At any rate, lately, I have noticed that these darling distractions of mine are demanding. I had not anticipated the level of commitment on my part when I brought them into my life. I was distracted by the hopes of what they could do for me. Surely I am not the only person who has started to feel this way with electronics. (Or am I? If so, please do not tell me and let me feel comforted in my state of delusion.)

So here I sit, sharing my feelings with you on the laptop as it doesn’t require my attention while I keep my eye on the tablet, virtual reality headset, and phone as they charge or update. It’s just a matter of time before the laptop also joins in on ganging up on me!

Friends, Food, Coma, Oh My

Friends don’t let friends drink and drive.  Or at least they shouldn’t.  And friends should t let friends drunk text either.  And friends, the kind who really love you, should never let you eat until the point of food coma.

I have friends who love me like crazy.  They’d never let me drink and drive, nor drunk text.  They would take me to the hospital or sit with me in the dark hours.  And I am truly grateful for these friends.  I really am.

But I also need friends who won’t find delicious places to try and encourage us all to order so much food we literally are near comatose.  Certainly not on a regular basis.  Not like we do just about once very week right now.  Don’t get me wrong, I adore hanging out with these people and who doesn’t want to break bread with good friends?

But I’m pretty sure it’s not healthy the way we do it.  And I’m almost certain I can literally skip a few meals and still be okay.  Of course it’s no ones fault but my own, for putting the food in my face.  No one is forcing it down my throat or holding a gun to my head to make me eat. So I need these friends, the  kind who won’t let you eat your way into a food coma.

He’s Got The Power

Beloved grew up the youngest of a batch of children.  He also grew up with a substantial gap between him be the next oldest child.  This resulted in Belived never really having power in any situations.  He also grew up in a very poor household.

I grew up differently.  I learned at an early age that who ever holds the controls to the television or radio, controls the house.  Naturally whenever I could, I ensured I had the remote control firmly in my grasp.  Even if there was no one else who would grab it out of my hand, as long as I was awake and home I needed to grasp it.

Due to our differences, Beloved is amused when I sit to watch tv and have the remote within easy reach.  We will both want to watch the same show and yet for some reason old habits die slowly.

However now Beloved has started to feel the need to have the remote in his hand, or pocket at al times.  Even if the thing it controls isn’t turned on.  A lot of things in our house have remotes and some days as he is getting ready for bed, he will shake three different remotes out of the pocket of a sweater or cardigan.  And look at me sheepishly and say he had no clue how they all just jumped into his clothing.

The next morning he starts attracting remotes to him again.  Sometimes they even leave the house with him.  He says it’s because he is in a hurry, but really he likes the control and rush of power he gets.

Is It Real

Do we all have the ability to bend things, to make them be what we want them to be in order to make sense based on our experiences, desires, wants and such?  I’m going to say yes.  I base this on the fact that there is enough evidence around the art of positive thinking and how it influences what and how we perceive things in our lives.

We have the ability reframe our thoughts from negative to positive if we so choose and the theory is that by doing so it will influence and change how we see the experiences and events in our lives.  The reality hasn’t changed.  You’d still be stuck in traffic, but if you think in a positive way, when your car is sitting next to someone else and you catch that person’s eyes…well see if you weren’t stuck in traffic you might never have met the person.

If we reframe things into a negative way, getting stuck in traffic would consume more gas and waste our time and we’d miss out on something truly amazing and we’d never get that chance back in our lives.

The reality of being stuck in traffic does not change.  How we see it, how we see the results of it, well that’s what changes. And when we can change how we perceive that reality we can alter our responses.  Altering our responses will of course change our experiences down the road.  This could, in theory, allow us to be closer to our dreams, wants, desires.  So that’s the secret to manifesting or reaching what we want. We can bend things to our will in a way that makes it seem that the universe is working with us, in some way.

Does this mean we all actually are in control of reality?  Nope.  Just how we perceive it and what we make of it. Reality is just that, reality.

Devious Devices

Today I ran out of battery power.  Well not me as per say but my devices.  Perhaps it’s a case of me failing to manage my device power levels appropriately.  I can accept this is a failing of mine.  Especially since my phone, tablet and wearing technology all were at less than 20% battery power at the same time.

Now having an energy crisis is not a small thing these days.  Life is basically run off of and held within my devices, or so it seems.  Thus I did, upon getting the low battery warning, rush to find outlets, Chargers and the likes.  I was a girl on a mission to get that all taken care of.

Once my devices were all nicely tucked into power outlets I wondered what the real Rush was about.  Would the world end if I let my phone die for a bit?  Probably not.  Would disaster for all mankind arrive if my tablet went dark?  Well it might on account of the work I was doing was off my tablet.  And in all fairness my tablet is what warned me it was running out of power.

I’ve let these things creep into my life to the point of dictating my responses which isn’t right.  But here I am charging them and keeping an eye on them because they seem to control me or have control over me.

Why Choose A Permanent Pity Party When You Can Choose Gratitude

Sometimes, especially when I’ve missed the signs that tell me I’m not doing enough self-care and it comes down to a friend or loved one insisting that I stop and rest, it’s easy to get lost in the resentment or anger of having to pause.  I know these people mean well and are telling me to slow down because they care about me, but it still reminds me that there is something that makes me different.

The other day was one of those moments where Beloved, after taking a looking st me insisted I go and rest.  At the time I felt a bit off, nothing too bad just tired and achy with a wee fever.  A smart woman would respond to these symptoms and deal with them, but I am not that woman.  After a wee disagreement, I gave in to go and rest with the four-footed one.

Beloved came into the room to take my four-footed one outside and accidentally woke me up, although I wasn’t fully asleep.  I was in that light state of sleep where you could go deeper into sleep or wake up.  I woke up and checked what time it was as I was a wee bit confused.  We had only been resting for an hour when Beloved came in.

By this point my face was proudly displaying the full butterfly rash of very active lupus.  My hands and feet had become very swollen and I was not at my best.  So I went back to sleep leaving the four-footed one in Beloved’s hands.

I was and am grateful to have people in my life who can insist I get proper rest before I realize I need it.  I am appreciative of the fact that I have people in my life who take care of the things I can’t manage all the time.  I’m blessed to have a good medical team and access to medication to help manage my lupus.

I’m grateful to wake up each morning and have some type of adventure, even if it remains only within in the house.  Some days my gratitude is for simpler things, such as the couch, a stocked kitchen and not being in the hospital.

It would be easy to get lost in the negative and throw a huge week-long pity party.  It would be easy to complain and keep a list of what I cannot do.  But why bother with any of that when I have so much to be thankful for, so many people to appreciate and so much gratitude in my life.  Yes I have a chronic illness and yes it has altered my life, but there is still much to appreciate.  Lupus does not run everything in my life and I can choose how to deal with it.  I choose gratitude.

Choosing an End

Beloved’s dear sister is dying.  She has been given a timeframe to get her affairs in order and such.  Of course the same specialist told her that the timeframe is based on of data and compiled into an average so she may exceed the time provided.  What wasn’t said is that it’s possible she won’t make it to the end of the timeframe provided.  Frankly does any of it matter?

Beloved has been spending time with her, just to sit and be.  To provide comfort and to draw comfort from the simpleness of having her with him still.  He reads to her, shares the news with her and sometimes simply sits by her while she rests.

This has me thinking about my own end as well as Beloved’s.  Not that I’m planning a demise any time soon as per say.  But I’ve been thinking about the how of the death for us.  Will it be long and drawn out?  Will it be a slow process where we are aware of every passing tick of the clock.  Or will it be fast and sudden.  How painful will it be?  Will it be filled with fear, regrets or peace?

I’ve spent time seeking death with dignity for all.  Not as a means of dealing with populations, but allowing people with chronic illnesses to choose how the end comes.  I know the complications, and potential death experiences that come with lupus.  I’ve always wanted to choose how much would be too much when it comes to poor quality of my life, pain etc.

I’ve never wanted t be a burden to anyone either.  I’ve always thought I’d just go away and face death on my terms, my way.  But as much as the death is our own, it is a so what shared experience until the end point.  And now the end point itself seems to have become an event for some people.

What I do know,as far as my death goes, is it won’t be an ending with regrets.  It won’t be a sudden realization of all I’ve never done.  I’d like to think it won’t be horribly painful or filled with lots of people.  I hope I enjoy the time before the end comes, not just existing.

And e thing is, dear readers, if you want to have a day in how you die, you need to start considering the end long before it comes.  Even then ere are no guarantees, but you can have a plan and some steps to take to head down a certain path.  We should have conversations with our loved ones while things are good, to ensure they know our wishes and we understand their needs.