Water Everywhere or How We Got A Swimming Pool

I may have mentioned before that neither Beloved, nor myself, are really all that good in life skills. Sure he can cook gourmet meals, but we can’t grow the vegetables. We probably could raise the animals, if we had the space, but I’d promptly turn them into pets. And once you name the animal you cannot eat it. No can do. Home repairs? Not Beloved’s thing, and I’m only good at minor things. You know the sorts of things like fixing small cracks in the wall, repainting and things of that nature. Rewiring the electrical? Not happening. Well unless you want to see fireworks.

In keeping with the degree of our inability to actually fix things, the house decided it needed a water feature. A “built in” kind of water feature that normally costs tons of money to get have added. Let’s not talk about the maintenance and the upkeep of said water feature. Our came free of charge. And it’s not exactly wanted. Mostly because I’m not sure how to treat the water so one could swim in it.

Yep the rain has found it’s way into the house. Not through the roof, which is where I expected it to come. And not through the foundation corners either. Not that either of those would make life any easier. But the water found it’s way through the cement slab the house is built on. The floor has enough water covering all of it to go splashing through.

The only fix we could do, between the two of us, is hook-up the wet vac. and suck out the water. But that only lasts for so long. So we did what we always do when the house decides it needs attention. We called in an expert. Who told us nothing can be done. After he collected his pay.

Why you may ask can nothing be done. Let me share with you something called ground-shift and something else called water table. Let me share with you the idea that when the ground shifts, it can alter the water table. The water table rises and falls depending upon the amount of water falling into the ground.

The very wet spring caused some of the ground up from our us to shift and altered the water table. The bottom of the cement slab is now technically sitting in the water table. Not above it. Not near it. But in it. Think swimming pool that fills up from the floor. That’s the house.

I’m not sure what all needs to be done as Beloved decided to have man-to-man talk with the contractor. Which is basically the same as having a conversation with someone who doesn’t speak the same language as you do because Beloved has no more of a clue about this stuff than I do.

Me? I’ve been looking for arks, but there doesn’t seem to be any on the market. I’m not sure we can actually handle any of the boats for sale, but I think we can manage an inflatable raft. After all Beloved can “explain” to me everything he learned from the contractor and that hot air can fill up the raft. He knows how to paddle and so do I so we have that going for us. We should be okay as long as nothing punctures the raft because if something does I think we will just go down with the ship.

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Summertime Colors

I’m not bragging, but NASA has our number on speed dial.  I know, it takes some getting used to, but it’s for an important reason.  You see when we get glorious “hot”, sunny days, we try to enjoy it.

And by enjoy it I mean we go outside.  Sometimes with bare legs and arms.  Sometimes we even go out on a friend’s boat, at which boat now and then Beloved has been known to take off his shirt.  And that’s when NASA comes in.

You see Beloved has alabaster son.  Well okay it isn’t made out of alabaster, but he is incredibly pale.  We’ve lost him a few times in a snowstorm!  So when you get pale, almost luminous white skin bent hit by the sun it can be blinding.  Add the water reflectng the brilliant sun rays as well and clearly you have created a safety issue for astronauts.

Tofay was one of those days and Beloved couldn’t result the call of the waves.  Board shorts, a t-shirt and flip flops were on the appropriate attire list for board the boat.  Since I wasn’t up for all that brilliance I stayed home with the puppy.

Which means I took the call from NASA.  “Ma’am, we have a problem,” the voice said in a lilting southern accent. “The glare coming back from your partner’s body is a bit much.  The astronauts missed an important sighting because they couldn’t see past the glare of the sun on pale man-flash aboard a vessel on the water.  Please advise your partner and his friends to put their shirts on.  We are doing important work.  Thank you and have a nice day.”  And then they hung up.

Now I meant to call Beloved, but the puppy required my attention.  And then I forgot.  Until a lobster came through my door.  The lobster had been thoughtfully cooked, dressed in Beloved’s board shorts and saying a shirt was too painful.  Upon his crustacean feet were Beloved’s flip-flops.

The puppy was having none of this creature in our house.  Until the creature spoke to the puppy in Beloved’s voice.  And I remebered, so I told him “NASA called.  Again.  An important sighting was missed because of you and your mates.”

He shrugged his briallant red shoulders and headed off for a cool shower.  By the time evening comes around he won’t be a lobster anymore.  He will be a potential threat to NASA once more!

 

Dirty Water?

Swimming with dolphins is supposed to be fun.  People pay large sums of money to swim with these animals.   But me?  I will stay out of the water thanks all the same.  I’ve never really understood why people want to do this.

Sure dolphins are amazing animals, intelligent and majestic, but the same can be said about sharks. Again, I don’t have a huge desire to swim with them either.

A friend’s partner came back from swimming with whales. He was raving about how truly wonderful this experience is and how everyone should do it.  Still desire for me to join him.

Before you think I can’t swim, I should set that aside.  I’m very capable of swimming, I actually have nothing against swimming.  But I prefer swimming pools.  Not because the water is calm, or warm, although those are added bonuses in my book.

No my friends, the real reason why I have no desire to swim with sharks, Dolphins, whales etc is because they are in the ocean.  And the ocean is not clean.  And im not talking pollution either, although there is tons of trash in the water.

The ocean is where these animals live, they swim in the ocean, they play in the ocean, they sleep in the ocean, they give birth and die in the ocean.  And they eat and poop in the ocean.  So you see I have no desire to get into all that dirty water.

And then there is jellyfish to deal with.  Sneaky creatures, trying to be no-see-ems.  Sneaky and willing to hurt you if you get in the way of their tentacles.  The tentacles that can become mesmerizing as the trail in the water, but pure pain if they touch your skin.  So now you have an injury while you are in dirty water.  How can this even sound like anyone’s dream vacation?

instead I will stay comfortable on the boat or what have you and view things without dealing with dirty water.  Yep I’m not swimming in the sea creatures’ toilet and grocery store.

Cruising?

He asked me if I had been cruise before.  Of course I have, a million times over.  Boats and water and me?  What part of that trio doesn’t scream harmony?  Okay so cruising for me used to be in a rubber raft or a canoe.  But it’s close right?  I mean Captain Highliner and I go way back…oh wait, he’s fish right?

Heck who am I kidding.  Me and a cruise is like Gilligan’s Island just waiting to happen.  Only there would be no fancy outfits to change in and out of and the professor would be, well, inept to put it mildly.  And perhaps I might be less like Gilligan and more like Beaker off the Muppets.  Basically me and a cruise is a lost cause

I have no idea why he thought id like this or want to do it.  It’s a lovely thought, but me, in a confined space with the same people over a period of days?  Think Titanic and you start to get the picture.  I’d go crazy and  pretty they would too.  So does this make him brave or foolish?  Wise or scared?

he tried to tempt me with the captain’s table and amazing foods. He pointed out entertainment on the ship, but I still keep thinking I’m stuck in this floating whatever until we dock.  And I’m stuck with the same people during that times we are on the water.   I’m pretty sure you aren’t supposed to throw anyone overboard.  Tempting or not.

nope for me, call me a silly North America crushing is getting in some gas-guzzling car and hitting the open road.  No captain or fancy clothes.  No activities director, no getting wet and no floatation devices.  Just good company, amazing scenery and some music.

Whimsical Waves

Now and then a whim strikes Beloved and he acts on it. He tends to be a most rational and logical being, rarely given to spontaneous whims. But when he does given in, it’s always something.

This time Beloved thought it would be a wonderful thing, just the very thing to be exact, to go for a ride on the water. In a boat. As passengers rather than attempting to “drive” it. I was glad he decided against trying to take a boat out on his own. Not that he’s useless on the water as he does just fine rowing a rowboat and is good paddling in a canoe with another person. He is no good in a kayak for some reason. And sailing is a disaster for both of us if we have to use a sailboat.

So to take a boat out on the water, a proper boat with an engine etc, it’s best left to the experts. Besides this way we can enjoy the scenery and such.

So we grabbed our stuff, made sure the dog could come with us and off we went, for a couple of hours out on the water, in a proper boat. The dog settled down in his little bed after running around taking in the new smells. Once he was sure he had smelled it all, he settled down into his soft little bed we had brought along. Perhaps it was the rocking motion that put him into a deep sleep, perhaps it was the ocean air. At any rate he settled right down to peaceful and contented snores.

And the two of us settled down to enjoying the sights. Birds wheeled overhead screeching and squawking as we passed by, for all I know we ruined a perfectly good day for them. Then again, maybe that’s just what they do. Now and then a flash of something silvery would be right near the surface before disappearing and making you wonder if you had seen anything or imagined it.

Perhaps this is where the legends of merpeople come from. I refuse to believe that there are only mermaids, there must be mermen too and thus mertoddlers and teens. But surely it is from that quick trick or light and waves that would make you think you see one thing when in fact it’s nothing out of the ordinary.

I mentioned this to our captain and he explained that there would more to it, too much exposure to sun, heat and improper diet would allow a man to hallucinate even to the point of interacting with the hallucination. He then went on to say that most sailors couldn’t swim, he himself had never learned dhow to swim, so these fears added to the legends and myths.

I couldn’t imagine living near the water and not knowing how to swim, certainly not if I were to make my living off the water, but I guess it makes sense. In a rather odd way, if you consider that falling in the ocean means getting into cold, rough water miles from land and then even if you could swim, could you swim far enough? Would the cold and the waves get you? So why bother to swim?

Perhaps the bigger fools are those of us who can swim and we think we can swim to where we need to go. We forget about the cold water, we forget about our strength and energy being stolen from us. We forget that there are hungry sharks and other fish in the water, and there we are, a small dot in the ocean.

Perhaps it is more romantic to think you could be lulled into then water by the beauty of a mermaid and the song of a siren.

Of course none of those things happened to us on our boat ride, we simply enjoyed the water, views and the company. His whim was exactly what we needed!

Learning How To Rise From The Titanic

Beloved insisted that we go to the Titanic museum, more than once. He felt rushed with just one visit and said it ruined the experience.

I’m not sure exactly what experience he was aiming for, as the stories of the Titanic aren’t the most uplifting and it’s rather hard to really comprehend it all unless you are on boats on a regular basis. I, being a city girl of the terra fir a variety, am not one to on boats daily. I’m just also happen to be the kind girl who would sooner view icebergs and such from some place warm, such as watching them on the big screen while sitting in a lovely, nice and warm place.

Not that I’m not fascinated by the stories of the events, more so the individuals and their stories. I just do not need to visit the museum repeatedly to get the experience. Let’s face it, none of us will experience that exactly as it happened, although the museum does a great job of taking you back in time.

After our last visit to the museum, Beloved stopped for some tea, well coffee for me and tea for hisself. He reflected on the trips and mused that he could see himself working on the boat, in the coal room. Surely for a lot of people that would have been an adventure, life on a liner and going to different lands would surely have seemed rather exotic and exciting. And since she was unsinkable, no one would think in terms of the disaster that awaited her.

Of course that is the story of the Titanic and many other “adventures”. They are movements of hope and dreams, movements that cannot consider the “what ifs”. To stop and consider the “what ifs” would be to put the brakes on the adventure before it ever even got started. Thankfully there are more than enough people who simply toss caution into the wind and give it a go. Sure sometimes it goes all pear-shaped rather quickly, but when it works out, it is amazing adventure that opens up to new horizons!

Flight Lessons

I always wanted to fly. I would even be okay with that coming in the form of me learning how to fly an airplane. This may be why I tend to fly by the seat of my pants with a lot of the things I do so to speak.

And yet place me on an airplane, a full airplane, and well suddenly flight isn’t as much fun. Normally that’s because I have gotten on board a plane with sick people, screaming babies, someone who needs to make me move at least ten times so s/he can use the washroom and so on. In other words, put me on the plane and suddenly I don’t wanna fly any more.

There is only so much a girl can do on her broomstick, I mean there are altitude restrictions and what have you. And let’s be honest, broomsticks are cold, well the fact you are exposed to the elements is present.

Wings then surely would be what I need. But I suspect wings require a lot of effort and revamping of the wardrobes. How does one keep her wings from icing up?

But with wings or a broomstick you at least would be free and clear of sick people, screaming children and all those bathroom breaks. Granted there is no inflight service either, nor baggage checks. 😉

Perhaps I’d be better to swim, but some of the places I travel to are land locked. And other places, well the water is too cold or too dirty. Lets not talk about jellyfish or sharks. And walking? Ugh my aching feet. A bicycle then? Umm for a wee bit, but there is water to cross and bicycles don’t float well.

I really should just learn to live with it as I haven’t gotten the cash for my own personal plane. And Beloved, while being a lovely man, isn’t independently wealthy either. Pity for him because it means he’s stuck listening to me whine and complain! 😉