Noodling It

Have you ever just felt like a wet noodle? You know, all limp and without any support or structure to be, well, upright? No? Well I wish I could say the same.

Some days with lupus, or maybe it is more with medications I take to deal with lupus, I feel a bit like how I imagine a wet noodle would feel. All limp and useless for most anything. I suppose I could be used to transport sauce, provided someone did the actually adding of the sauce and the moving of me.

Yes, some days I feel just like a being with no internal support or structure. I am blessed, of course, to have external support and structure in terms of friends and loved ones. The thing is, sometimes this just makes me realize how much of a limp, wet noodle I am. No one means to remind me of this aspect of life with lupus, I know that for certain. Still, it happens and it reminds me how different I am from others.

I try to find the bright side of being a wet, limp noodle, but the reality is, sometimes the bright side is that I can keep the chair or the sofa from floating away. Because that’s basically the extent of what I have energy, being a sofa or chair weight. Like a paperweight, but for furniture.

There was a time when I used to think a lot about this part of living with lupus, but sometimes you can noodle over things a bit too much and it all becomes a big, gummy mess. Get it? Wet noodles, congealing together? Okay I will stop and just focus on maintaining the position of the furniture.

Sounds Of Summer Readiness

Summer is almost officially upon us where I’m living.  That means warm weather, bright sun, lots of being drinking and dining al fresco.  It means wonderful flowers and amazing storms.  It means children out of school and having fun.  It also means the incessant droning of lawn mowers, edgers, leaf blowers, sanders and construction.  These noises are from 8 in the morning until 10 in the evening as long as the weather stays decent.  Day in and day out.

My neighbourhood has decided to get an early jump on the sounds of summer, from loader music to sanders running four hours at a go (decks being fixed etc.) and sometimes you can’t even hear the birds for everything else. I wouldn’t mind, honestly, if there was a little less of the noise and more of silence.  Today has been one sander after another being used on a deck a few houses up from mine.  The sanders are accompanied by the random banging of hammers against wood.  For background noise I have a little loader running back and forth in the alley delivering dirt and dropping it in piles.

i understand people want to get everything done so they can enjoy their summer outside.  I get it and confess to being guilty of the whole lawn mower and edger cycle.  But can we all relax a little.  Summer is longer than a week so let’s enjoy all of it from bird song to lovely sunshine, children on their bikes to the distant hum of a lawn mower now and then.  Let’s just not make it an all day every day noise battle!

Mindful Awarenss and How Things Aren’t As We Think

I’ve always found reading to be a calm, soothing and relaxing activity.  Yes this includes reading technical prices and textbooks.  I’ve just always assumed it keeps me calm because it normally makes me smile.

So imagine my surprise to see the activity of “calmness” or “peace” displayed on my cellphone as a wavy line with massive peaks and valleys.  Sure reading engages the imagination and it is possible to become emotionally involved with what one is reading.  But I honestly had no idea how much it impacted me.  Of course now that I have this mind and body tracker by Spire, I can see for myself how things are playing out.

Focus to read?  Sure I expected to see st, especially with technical material or textbooks.  But to find that I’m not as calm as I’ve always assumed myself to be?  Well clearly the device must be defective.  No other logical reason exists, surely not.

Since Beloved has the same device, I asked him to see what happens when he is reading. His chart shows even more moments of “less calm” than mine.  And like myself he had always thought reading calmed him.  He admitted that he has even read just to achieve a portion of calmness.  So like hydrofoil he was curious why the kind should things other than calm.

A friend of his, a neurologist stopped by for drinks with Beloved and shared some research about this curious little thing.  Apparently in some people reading instills a huge sense of calm, brain scans show a slow down in certain areas being active.  His friend went on to say that for some people reading induced a huge sense of clam and that moves into something else that renders the person able to sleep.  These people, according to the study, seem to never get beyond the surface of the reading material.

people who have more brain activity while reading tend to not always be as calm.  This can be due to an emotional involvement with the written work or emotional response to difficulty/ease of comprehending the material.

further work on these studies indicated people who tend to become emotionally responsive to the material tend to have richer imaginations.  It is possible that there is a connection between the imagination and emotional response.  A portion of me wonders if it is just how different people have different likes and dislikes.

either way I’ve obviously fooled myself into believing reading makes me calm.  But in another sense I’m still calm, it’s just that my mind or thoughts aren’t as restful as some other people’s when it comes to reading.  And you know what?  That’s okay with me!  Why should everyne’s mind and process