Devious Devices

Today I ran out of battery power.  Well not me as per say but my devices.  Perhaps it’s a case of me failing to manage my device power levels appropriately.  I can accept this is a failing of mine.  Especially since my phone, tablet and wearing technology all were at less than 20% battery power at the same time.

Now having an energy crisis is not a small thing these days.  Life is basically run off of and held within my devices, or so it seems.  Thus I did, upon getting the low battery warning, rush to find outlets, Chargers and the likes.  I was a girl on a mission to get that all taken care of.

Once my devices were all nicely tucked into power outlets I wondered what the real Rush was about.  Would the world end if I let my phone die for a bit?  Probably not.  Would disaster for all mankind arrive if my tablet went dark?  Well it might on account of the work I was doing was off my tablet.  And in all fairness my tablet is what warned me it was running out of power.

I’ve let these things creep into my life to the point of dictating my responses which isn’t right.  But here I am charging them and keeping an eye on them because they seem to control me or have control over me.



Deadlines.  We all have them.  How we deal with them is up to each of us.  Some of us hide from them, pretending they don’t exist, however they just loom over our heads until they are right above us, pressing down with incredible weight.  Some of us get with right on whatever it is so we more than meet the deadline.  We end up well ahead of the game. In those cases the deadline seems to have little weight on us.

Now life might be interesting without deadlines, but what would we really get done if we didn’t have to get it done by a specific time?   How many things would just pile up and never get looked at or dealt with?  So yes we need them, perhaps not too many of them  and maybe, just maybe we need to figure out how to manage them a little better as far as assigning them or doing the work to get them met.

Speaking of deadlines, I’m pretty sure I have something that needs to be done, but I can’t remember what it is was because I just pushed into the later pile.  And today my later pile is rather large!

Too Tight

Apparently I have tight feet.  Extra tight.  They need to be rolled out, or at least that’s what my therapist said.  That was right before he got me a hard small ball and put it under my toes.

Then my therapist said I should stand on both m,y find basically roll my foot over the ball for a bit starting at my toes and slowly working the ball thru my arch and then in to the back of the foot.

Once I finished ha little bit of paradise he suggested I do the exact same thing to my other foot.  Because apparently he thinks I don’t feel pain.  Or I have a very short memory.  Or my feet are extra tight.  Anyway he calls this therapy and I, I call it toe-ture.  (Get it? Toe ture instead of torture?)

After I finished this little bit of exercise my therapist massaged my feet.  And it should have felt love, but it didn’t. Because of course I had basically bruised the heck out of my feet with that ball.  And no my feet did not feel any looser.  Although my heartstrings  did When he said we had to do the same thing every day for the next few days.  You see my heart sunk down to my feet, loosening the strings that held it in place.

Maybe, just maybe I will keep my tight feet and painful steps.  Because I’m not so sure torture is what the doctor ordered.

When You Can’t Shake Your Shadow

Me and my shadow, well in this case lupus is my shadow, go everywhere together.  It isn’t that I’m afraid to go alone or for that matter be by myself.  But I can’t say the same thing about lupus.  Lupus, it would seem, goes through phases of being actively involved in whatever I’m doing or resting.

Of course adding the four-footed one to that equation means that it is very rare indeed when I find myself alone these days.  Not that I’m complaining about the four-footed one in my life, heck there are days I wish I could steal her energy.  Lupus on the other hand seems to have no qualms about stealing my energy.  Frankly I should learn that trick from lupus, but would I want to do that to the four-footed one?

And the problem with all of this is that well for starters my bed is getting crowded.  Crowded with my body, the four-footed one claiming a great deal of space for herself and lupus.  Lupus just sort of slips in and takes over whatever space it can find.

On top of my bed being overly crowded the house seems to be shrinking.  Now this is partially due to the four-footed one being overly active, so she now appears to be here, there and everywhere at basically the same time.  (She’s done grown now.)  Lupus on the other hand seems to be growing incredibly huge without any food (well other than my energy and such) at times.  Sure sometimes when lupus is hiding the house goes back to it’s normal size, but when lupus is more active I’m afraid it will burst out of the house and up through the roof!

These past few days as the four-footed one and I have gone for our walks, lupus has tagged along.  Not right besides us because there simply isn’t enough room on the sidewalk for all three of us, but just behind us.  I have been tempted to outrun lupus, but I know deep down that I can’t outrun lupus.  I’m fortunate if I keep it walking way behind me and give it the slip when I cut across a corner and duck behind a tree.

I fully realize that lupus will always be a partner in my life, wanted or not, but I’d like to lose my shadow a little more frequently if I could.

Some Individuals…

There are certain individuals who cannot resist a good puddle.  It doesn’t matter how big the puddle is, it must be entered with much enthusiasm.  Don’t worry about how dirty or clean the water is either, that’s not the point.  The point is to enter into the water and just enjoy it.

The problem with these individuals is that their joy upon entering the puddle cannot be restrained.  It is as if the water loosens the control and restraint they show throughout their lives.  And thus the great splashing must occur.  It isn’t their fault really.  I mean they seem unable to control themselves.  I try to remind myself of this when I encounter these individuals.  Well that and give them a wide berth because I’d rather not get splashed or soaked if it can be helped.  For the record this strategy has worked fairly well so far in my life.

Until.  Until I discovered that the four-footed one had found puddles.  When she was younger she wasn’t sure what to make of them.  Then she started walking through them, but not splashing.  However now, well now she has found the joy in splashing through puddles.  The bigger the splash the better.  (I’m pretty sure her theory is to splash the water up over her back.  I suspect this has very little to do with her getting wet and a great deal to do with getting as many casualties as she can.)

It is impossible to give the four-footed one a wide berth, not when she’s attached to me via a leash.  And this time of puddles are a given.  Pulling her away from one results in letting her get close or into another one.  It also means that this time of year I end up getting wet, from ankles to above the knees, depending upon the size of puddle she has managed to find.  So if you should see me out and about wearing rain pants and there is no rain present, please just don’t comment on my odd attire.  Just know it’s to protect myself.  From the splasher that suddenly entered my life.

Of Water

I’ve been told my eyes are like the North Sea during a storm when I am angry.  I have also been told by the same person that when I’m laughing I have eyes that resemble the Irish Sea on a sunny day.  When I am frustrated, Beloved claims my eyes become small whirl pools.  And when I am caught up, lost in thought Beloved assures me that my eyes are like deep pools.  He swears he can get lost in the depth of whatever it is I am thinking about.

Beloved may need to change what he is drinking or eating.  Or perhaps try a different approach for poetic descriptions if that is what he is aiming to do.   

Or is the problem really with me?  Perhaps it is I who needs to change, to find the joy in poetic language.  Which if I’m honest I already do, provided it is not used to describe a person.  Or is too cliche in how it is used. 

And for the record, having my eyes compared to the North Sea or the Irish Sea is not always a compliment.  I mean have you seen what is in that water?  I’d prefer to not be a body of dirty water filled with various creatures thank you all the same. 

Busy Busy Busy

There is busy and then there is too busy.  Life has a mixture of these moments, and sometimes it seems as though they conspire to get the best of me.  I’ve been busy for the past little while.  I mean busy enough that time is slipping by without me noticing it as much.  I’ve been busy enough to sometimes have the four-footed one insist I take a break and play with her (which somehow than makes me need to rush to catch up to the time I gave up to play with the four-footed one).

Today the current of busy shifted on me and I ended up even more busy than even I could have anticipated.  I feel as though I do not have enough time to get things done that I need to get done.  Let’s not talk about the stuff I want to get done.  Part of this shifting in the current of busy has to do with this little word.  It is very little, in fact it is only two letters.  The word:  No.

You see I have an odd love/hate relationship with the world No and while I can say it, when someone approaches me who requires help or is asking me to spend a bit more time with them, No isn’t always as easy.  And there is the problem, because by saying anything other than No to some people means they will be expecting their request to be fulfilled.  Even worse, if I have a relationship with these people, the world No is harder still to give voice to.

Sure I can say things like “I”m sorry, I just don’t have the capacity right now” or “saying yes to this request means I’d have to say no to something I’ve already committed to doing” and so on. Despite having the words, the circumstances or people themselves drive these words away from me.  And I end up in a too busy mode.  At too busy I lose all track of time.  I stop resting.  The four-footed one misses out on play time and a million other things get pushed aside.  Some of those millions of other things happen to be closely related to my health issues.

So from now on I can no longer allow myself to be too busy.  Because lupus adores me when I’m too busy. Lupus draws strength and energy from me being too busy because that means I’m not taking care of myself.  I am inviting lupus to do it’s best or is that worst while I take a vacation of sorts.  And that must stop…just as soon as I complete this project I agreed to doing.