Sleep On It

Some people drive in their sleep. Some people walk in their sleep. Some people cook, and others eat while sleeping. And some people, well, some people plot or hatch plans while they sleep. Others simply dream.

And then there is Beloved. He does not drive, walk, cook, eat or clean in his sleep. I could handle it if he decided to clean in his sleep. Imagine waking up to a fully cleaned house, all fresh and sparkly? Rather than trying to get that done along with all the other daily stuff that needs doing? But instead Beloved wrestles in his sleep.

He isn’t picky about who he wrestles either. It can be the four-footed one, a pillow or even me. And each morning he cannot understand why his pillow looks like it’s been decimated or why the four-footed one and I keep him at a safe distance. Over his morning coffee he will innocently ask what he did to deserve the 20-foot pole treatment.

Save your breath though. He won’t believe you if you tell him. He claims the video footage he has seen has been altered to make it look worse than it really is. Because of course the first thing I’d do after a night of rubbish sleep is get on my computer and edit the video without touching up other aspects of the footage.

So if anyone needs to practice their wrestling moves, I am willing to sell sleeping time with Beloved. He won’t remember or be aware of it, so I won’t have to split the profit with him. Yeah, sure, it’s exploitation, but when he won’t believe it what’s a girl to do?

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