I remember when getting older was a good thing. It meant staying up later, going places without my parents, the freedom of a car and such. I looked forward to getting older when all those things were ahead of me.
Naturally as those moments or milestones passed me by I didn’t look back at all, after all there were other moorland things to grab ahold of in the getting older category such as college and my own place not to mention maybe meeting Prince Charming.
At some point in our lives though, getting older stops being a good thing or fun marked by reaching certain milestones. At some point for a good number of us getting older isn’t fun. Instead it is filled with loneliness or endless medical appointments. Perhaps it’s is filled with pain and empty hours. For some it is seeking a friendly face or someone just to talk to, even if that someone is a stranger.
Others of us will become strangers, to our selves and our loved ones. And if we have been blessed in earlier times to have lots of friends and loved ones in our lives we must accept that we may have now lots of losses,
Getting older means having all you once had slowly taken away or letting it slip away. Getting older with a chronic disease such as lupus, at times seems daunting. Granted just general aging seems daunting at times, but this feels more so. Perhaps because now I see differently milestones, ones that mark where medications no longer work or the recovery time from flares stretching out longer than it already does.
People tell me that despite al the struggles that come with aging, there is something to be found every day that makes it special or enjoyable. I just need to shift my focus a little more because of lupus they say as they assure me I’m not at the stage of getting older in that sense yet.