I Don’t Mean To or a Difference Between Alone And Lonley

We get, or at least I get, so caught up in the mundane yet seemingly important minutiae of the day-to-day stuff.  And this getting caught up bit sometimes comes at a rather high price.  For me it means losing touch with people, dropping out of conversations and relationships without so much of a sideways glance.

The thing is, none of it is deliberate on my part.  I sometimes wonder if there is something broken in me beyond the usual brokenness.  I wonder if I’m too broken to be active and attentive to friends and such when something catches my attention or interest.  Perhaps I’m too shallow and self-absorbed to be present with the people that matter in my life.

I recognize it once it has happened, but while it is happening I’m too lost  in whatever to even realize I’ve pushed people away.  Or ignored people’s attempt at engaging me.  It is a singular focus and when required my ill-health helps to further this isolation.  The really wild thing I clearly don’t see how damaging this is in the long run.  I mean surely if I got how damaging this is I’d stop doing it, and I haven’t stopped doing it so there is that.

Do you suspect that some people just need that much personal time and space or is there something broken about this?


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