I used to worry about the future a fair amount. I worried about exams; what to wear; doing the right thing to impress the right people; I worried about all sorts of things. I mean I worried about what to make the next day. And then lupus came along and taught me a valuable less; worrying just wastes time and energy.
I still do worry now and then, but after these last few flares I’ve gotten better at not spending too much time worrying. Because you never know what’s going happen and worrying about what may or may not happen is not like having a crystal ball. It just creates unnecessary stress and such.
The latest flare had a specialist concerned I was going into organ failure. I wasn’t, exactly, but I’m a hair closer to that now. The specialist asked me if I had people I needed to get in touch with, if my affairs were in order etc. I laughed. Not because I laugh in the face of death, for I’m not there yet. Instead I laughed because no matter how much time I have my affairs will never be in order. It’s not possible.
I did phone Beloved to tell him that things have changed, but not to worry too much. Things are under control sort of. He came, listened to the doctor, and started to go into wry mode and the asked for a second opinion. Which helped settle things down a bit. And instead we have decided, once again, to enjoy the moments we have. Living as much in the moment as we can and not worrying too much about tomorrow and what it brings. Because that just cuts into our time together so forgive us if it seems we are laughing inappropriately.