Lupus My Internal War

“You should feel a nice gentle stretch right there…” she said in a calm and soothing voice. What she should have said is “this is going to hurt like nothing you’ve ever felt before” and followed that up with an evil laugh because that’s more what it was like. But I’m sure she’s a lovely person who got into physiotherapy solely to help other people. I’m sure she’s not into torturing humans; I mean she doesn’t look like the sort of person who would do that. Yes I know, you can’t go by looks.

As she carried on with her routine I wondered why healthy people, sane people for that matter would willingly part with good money to be tortured. It doesn’t’ make sense to me. Torture, by the way, at least according to my insurance company, is not a cheap form of therapy. Surprisingly, the insurance company will pay for the expense because it is more responsible than medical device options. Or perhaps it is because deep down they know it’s torture and so they will part with the money provided they aren’t’ the ones feeling the pain.

When I told a friend I was heading off for physio, basically light stretching and body manipulation she was envious. So envious in fact that she asked me what my doctor wrote in order to get this covered by insurance. I told her he wrote “diagnosis: lupus” and if she wanted that she would have to take all the rest of the things that came with it as well. She said that was a bit extreme for some pampering.

She calls it pampering and I call it pure hell followed by days of slowly recovering. So why go through it if it isn’t relaxing or reliving? Because like so many things with lupus you have to go through discomfort in order to get things into better shape or to protect things for further damage. It isn’t about pampering, a spa day or restorative treatments. It’s literally hell and I get it because in some way this is my body’s internal war and last time I checked, war is hell.  I’m just hoping for a truce soon.


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