A friend of mine phoned to see how I was doing today. Really she phoned to talk about herself and her problems. You see she recently broke her wrist and felt that she was unable to do anything now.
I tried to remember what it was like, when a broke wrist or ankle meant the end of all good things for a number of weeks. I tried to empathize with her, but I probably failed. You see when you have a chronic illness such as lupus, at some point you just have to get on with the getting on. To be able to list all your woes and things you have lost is simply a luxury you no longer have.
Anything that takes away precious energy becomes a luxury that you simply cannot afford any longer. Because energy is slow to come back. And getting on with the whole business of living and trying to do normal things, basically just function takes up most if not all of your energy.
To be honest, I can barely remember what it was like when a broken wrist meant that I couldn’t do anything for six weeks. She will, of course, muddle through life and get help while she is down to one wrist. And then there will come a day when her wrist will fu cation again. When she will be out of a cumbersome cast and be able to do the things she used to do.
And she will remember what it was lie to struggle a little. But she will be back to herself, more or less. And I will be envious of her having only six weeks or so of inconvenience for a few moments before I get back to getting on with things. Because being envious is a luxury I cannot afford because I just don’t have the energy to spare for it.
So she may tell people I haven’t been as compassionate or understanding as she expected me to be when she phoned. And I may not have been able to share her misery the way she wanted to. And it isn’t because I wasn’t to be a dreadful person. I just have to keep getting on with getting on because that’s life with a chronic illness such as lupus.