Ruth Anne Simpson is killing me. She is doing it with a form of kindness so to speak. You see Ruth Anne Simpson works hard to keep me safe, so hard that she sometimes yells at me. Yells at me not take on new experiences or classes. Basically she causes me stress. And stress is exactly what lupus needs to grow a flare strong and long-lasting. The flares always create health crisis type reactions which are slowly killing my organs.
When I mentioned this to my specialist he said he would help me. By scheduling a psyche assessment. So then I had to explain that Ruth Anne Simpson isn’t a real person, well she could be, but I wouldn’t know that. You see Ruth Anne Simpson is the name and character I have created for that inner voice that prevents me from reaching for some of my dreams.
You know the voice I’m talking about. The one that tries to talk you out of new opportunities or experiences. Because they are scary and therefore unsafe. Or perhaps will cause us discomfort, embarrassment and loss of dignity. You know the one that talks to us about how big and challenging this will be and gets us so worked up we feel physically ill.
So I’m working on making Ruth Anne Simpson realize that I’ve got this. That I can handle what I’m taking in and that if she wants to keep me safe, really she needs to calm down. Now that I can hear Ruth Anne’s voice, I thank her for her concern and move into a calm state. Because lupus with unrelenting stress never leads to anything good. And I’d rather not have Ru Anne Simpson locked up for attempted murder.