Choosing an End

Beloved’s dear sister is dying.  She has been given a timeframe to get her affairs in order and such.  Of course the same specialist told her that the timeframe is based on of data and compiled into an average so she may exceed the time provided.  What wasn’t said is that it’s possible she won’t make it to the end of the timeframe provided.  Frankly does any of it matter?

Beloved has been spending time with her, just to sit and be.  To provide comfort and to draw comfort from the simpleness of having her with him still.  He reads to her, shares the news with her and sometimes simply sits by her while she rests.

This has me thinking about my own end as well as Beloved’s.  Not that I’m planning a demise any time soon as per say.  But I’ve been thinking about the how of the death for us.  Will it be long and drawn out?  Will it be a slow process where we are aware of every passing tick of the clock.  Or will it be fast and sudden.  How painful will it be?  Will it be filled with fear, regrets or peace?

I’ve spent time seeking death with dignity for all.  Not as a means of dealing with populations, but allowing people with chronic illnesses to choose how the end comes.  I know the complications, and potential death experiences that come with lupus.  I’ve always wanted to choose how much would be too much when it comes to poor quality of my life, pain etc.

I’ve never wanted t be a burden to anyone either.  I’ve always thought I’d just go away and face death on my terms, my way.  But as much as the death is our own, it is a so what shared experience until the end point.  And now the end point itself seems to have become an event for some people.

What I do know,as far as my death goes, is it won’t be an ending with regrets.  It won’t be a sudden realization of all I’ve never done.  I’d like to think it won’t be horribly painful or filled with lots of people.  I hope I enjoy the time before the end comes, not just existing.

And e thing is, dear readers, if you want to have a day in how you die, you need to start considering the end long before it comes.  Even then ere are no guarantees, but you can have a plan and some steps to take to head down a certain path.  We should have conversations with our loved ones while things are good, to ensure they know our wishes and we understand their needs.


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