A friend of mine recently confessed to feeling guilty most of the time lately. She said she feels guilt for not providing her children the perfect childhood; for not celebrating their every success; for not being there all the time for them. She also feels guilty for not being there for her husband during some of the stressful times in life. She feels guilty for not answering emails, phone calls or texts in a timely fashion. She feels guilty about not being there for friends and parents because the house needs cleaning, errands need attended to, meals need to be cooked and laundry keeps piling up.
She feels guilty that sometimes at work she finds herself doing personal things, or not being mentally present for the full hours she is being paid to be there because something else is on her mind. She feels guilty about being away from her kids during work hours and she feels guilty about unfinished projects at work when she is at home. She thought perhaps if she simply had more time or was better at time management she wouldn’t feel so guilty these days.
But the truth is a bit different. You see somewhere along the journey of life she came to the decision that everything should be perfect. That she should be everything to everyone immediately. And honestly, I know I’ve fallen into this trap a few times as well.
I also feel guilty about coming from a place of privledge, not to mention the opportunities I have had and continue to have. I feel guilty about putting my work before Beloved and others. I feel guilty for failing to be as supportive as I want to be. I feel guilty about not doing MORE for causes I believe in. I feel guilty because I do not understand the hardship others have felt. I feel guilty for not doing enough to make this a better place. And I feel guilty for being hampered by lupus as it means others must help me or pick up my slack.
There are so many reasons feel guilty these days. The more I learn about what is going on globally, the more likely it is that I will have guilt over being safe, or having more or having access to something. But at the same time, I feel blessed and am aware of my good fortune. I need to do more to be able to provide opportunities where and how I can so others may feel the same as well.
How about you? Do you have guilt?