It’s Not Forver

It’s not forever he told me with a gentle smile.  As if those words would provide comfort. As if I’d never had a broken bone before.  As if I had never spent part of a lovely summer stuck in a cast.  Thankfully only a walking one this time.

No, is broken foot won’t be forever.  But it won’t be the last broken bone either, not since my bones are weakening.  Not since I hope Beloved and I Have chances to go dancing again.  Not unless Beloved gets timing a little better.  If those happen then maybe, just maybe the bone issue won’t result in another broken bone and someone telling me it’s not forever.

But then nothing in life is ever really forever.  Life ebbs and flows, small changes happen before your very eyes and nothing remains the same,  nothing remains forever or disappears forever.

My stitches from three weeks ago weren’t forever either.  Just as the slight scar that I still carry from four stitches when I was 16 won’t  be forever either.  Everything, when you look at them with the right lenses, is temporary.  It’s really just a way of how you view time and permanency.  After all time is a tricky thing, slipping by fast when you expect it and stalling when you need it to move faster.

So no doctor I don’t suppose my walking cast, nor my broken bones are forever.  It may just seem that way at times.  Not that I’m going to complain about the walking cast since it means I can’t go on the much-anticipated slug walk Beloved’s niece invited us to attend.  He will probably go,  but it’s not ideal with my cast.

And the walking cast won’t permit me to hang out at the beach, which is fine with me.  I’ve been dreading having to explain yet again how the sun and I have an uneasy relationship because of lupus.  Now because of lupus, or rather the medications I take to manage lupus, have allowed for a slight foot fracture to become something more than just a slight fracture.  A wee trip over light fantastic, or whatever Beloved tripped over, resulted in more damage than it should have to my foot.  But this too is not forever.

And by this train of thought, lupus as I know it isn’t forever either.  It will continue to change and bring new challenges to my life.  And there will be times lupus will seem to be forever and other times it will seem to have left and come back differently.  Because it can’t be forever if I don’t look at it that way.


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