Oops I Missed The Signs

Taking advantage of some nice weather, I decided to sit outside and just enjoy the flowers and the birds.  I grabbed a nice refreshing drink I learned to make from the Middle East, a good book and headed over to the comfortable chair.  There is something about enjoying a good book with a satisfying drink in a pleasing and relaxing setting.

The birds were singing on and off, a fountain was gurgling in the background and the smell of flowers filled the air.  It was nice.  And the book was one that I could just get lost in, and lost in it was exactly what I did.  The problem with getting lost in a book outside is that you lose track of the sun.  And losing track of the sun is a no no with lupus.

And of course once I became aware of the sun, I had to move the chair back into the shade.  That can out a bit of a damper on the enjoyment, until you get back into the book.  And  then you have to repeat that cycle again, unless you find a place that has shade no matter what.

I have a gazebo to sit under, but sometimes I want to just enjoy the outdoors without seeking the shelter of the gazebo.  It’s a bit like being outside and not being outside at the same time.  But in the end, I always find myself in the gazebo because it’s better than pushing things with lupus too far.

Today I guess I wasn’t as careful as I thought.  The evidence is on my face, a lovely butterfly rash, swelling in my feet and hands and an incredible stiffness all throughout my body.  And that’s just the beginning of the price I will pa for getting lost in the book and the mood outside.

I didn’t notice the rash, and until I got up to walk I wasn’t aware of the swelling and stiffness.  Beloved’s comment to me today, when I saw him was “your face is red, really red”.  That’s when I knew I wasn’t as careful as I had thought.

Its funny really how I can ignore things, downplay the symptoms until someone points out the obvious.  Once I was informed my face was red I was aware of it.  I could see the swelling which is weird because I could see that before, but I just didn’t.

Beloved, thankfully, helps me through moments.  No lectures, no sighs or rolling of eyes.  I guess he understands that sometimes the need to be normal, that sometimes the desire to just enjoy, is overwhelming.  He simply gets me through the worst of it, finds a way to make the gazebo more like being without it and tells me I don’t have to be that tough.


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