A friend of mine had come all the way over here for a visit, and I felt truly awful about it. You see I was supposed to visit her at her house, but I ended up being unable to travel at that time so we didn’t see each other.
After three other failed attempts she fly over here to see me. And all I wanted to do was slam the door in her face, lock it and barricade it with furniture. Oh and draw all the curtains in this place. Yep basically hide.
You see I’ve been have a few too many lupus-draining days in the past little bit so the house needed more than just a bit of a pick up. As in a hurricane blowing through the house would be a huge improvement. I mean dog beds are just wherever in this house, squeaky toys are here there and everywhere. And you know how people talk about the horrible pain of stepping on Lego? Try dog bones.
Now deep down I know she didn’t come to see my house, but honestly a person shouldn’t have to excavate a chair just to find a place to sit down! Between doing the minimum outings I’ve had to do and resting, the house hasn’t really been a priority. The dogs do try to help, I just don’t appreciate their help nearly enough. And with Beloved here there and everywhere, while no time for the house on his part.
So like an idiot, I opened the door, which somehow forced my jaw to drop and just stood there. Well to be honest I didn’t just stand there, I was kind of leaning on the door-frame with my mouth wide open staring at my friend. Part of me was wishing I had never opened the door. The other part was thrilled to see her and cringing over the state of the house.
She didn’t even bat an eye upon getting in the house. She excavated a chair, tunnelled her way to the kitchen where she rounded up coffee. Okay she didn’t really excavate a chair, she had to pet the dogs first, and then headed to the kitchen for coffee. I stumbled after her apologizing all the way for the state of the house. She finally turned to me and said “but you have lupus and work, why on earth would you spend energy that you don’t have on the house? It isn’t that bad, just needs quick clean up.” I could have hugged her then, but well, I have lupus and was in pain.
We had coffee, caught up and she told me that she was a bit worried about me since lupus had forced me to cancel each time we were supposed to get together. She thought I wasn’t taking care of myself and letting lupus control my life too much. In her words I “was trying too hard to be normal” and killing myself doing it.
And she was such a good friend that she helped with the quick clean up and told me she loved me and would see me the next day. It’s times like this that I am on the lupus yo-yo ride from the pits of despair at how lupus can rob me of energy, to a slide down to shame at not spending time with friends, to feeling loved, despite lupus.