Prices We Pay

We got the call today.  The one we knew might come, but hoped never would.  The past year I’ve actually dreaded early morning calls and late night calls because of what I might hear.  Part of me carried this dread for how the news would impact Beloved, after all Robert and Beloved had been friends for a number of years.

And then the call came, Robert was missing while out on assignment.  Assigned where exactly to cover what exactly, we weren’t sure.  We were sure that his partner was going through hell and we both wanted to be there, but it wasn’t possible.

I’m thankful to not ever receive that call regarding Beloved for I can only imagine how this would shake my world apart. But I know Beloved and I also walk a fine line, able to end up upsetting someone enough for that person to feel the need to take action.  The reality is, any one of us can, at any given time, offend someone somewhere.  And you don’t know what threat, danger or purpose this person can bring to your life.

Robert’s partner is taking comfort in the fact that Robert was doing what he loved when this horror happened.  And in his own words “if this is how he dies, uncovering a truth that must be grout to light, then he died as he wished”.

Of course most people would like to die doing what we love, or in our sleep or painlessly etc.  Well other than those who wish for immortality that is.

As I sit here, carefully watching Beloved for any sign of PTSD rearing its ugly head, I wonder if the price Robert asks the rest of us to pay for him to carry out the job he loved is a fair price?

Since I can’t come to an answer and a coldness is settling somewhere inside of me, I can only hug Beloved a little tighter and hope to hold the nightmare at bay.  Hope that Robert’s phone failed or that the next call will let us know he is okay.


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