Anchors in My Life and What Happens When They Break Loose

It’s a strange thing, an awful and strange thing, to lose a close friend or a best friend.  You feel unmoored, adrift and at the mercy of the uncertain water and weather.  You are, in a sense, drifting alone again in the mass ocean.  It is unnerving to say the least.

And we lose our best/close for a variety of reasons, from a falling out to death.  At least with a falling out you stand a chance of making amends, provided you didn’t create too big of a rift that it simply cannot be bridged.  Death is a bit more, well, final isn’t it?

I’ve lost best/close friends because of distance, life changes, screw-ups on my part and unfortunately deaths as well.  Some of the losses have been all my own doing, some of them have been mutual and just couldn’t be helped.  Some I could see coming from miles off in the distance and others took me completely by surprise.

Regardless of the circumstances, I’ve always felt lost, confused and as though part of me is missing when this happens.  It is as if something has been amputated from my body when in fact instead it has been carved out of my heart.  I mourn the losses, cherish the memories and try to not make ghe same mistakes or hurts again.

Ive also always been wary of calls late at night or early in the morning because they never come with goodness.  I’ve never been afraid of calls at two-thirty in the afternoon before.  But there is a first time for everything I guess and this is it.

Beloved hasn’t been well, he had some type of an accident while in France.  His friend phoned me from France this afternoon to tell me that something had happened, Beloved was taken to the hospital  and everything is touch and go.

This is the loss I cannot think of, I cannot face.  To lose him is to lose my very best friend in the whole world, well I cannot fathom life without my compass and biggest anchor.  Thankfully I don’t have to face that today.

 

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