Mindfully Frustrated

In an effort to ensure Ive done all I can for this journey into mindfulness, I set up an area for my peaceful times.  Not really knowing how to do this, as in having never done it before, I did the logical thing and started doing research.  Apparently color plays a key role as does lighting.

since the area I chose is already in a soft, neutral color and the light comes in mostly from the sun as well as a bit of lamp light, I figured I had covered those two key areas.  I borrowed some comfortable cushions from another room and set up the oil diffuser.  Let the peace and stilling of minds begin!

I settled down comfortable, ready to get on with calmness and peace.  But I remembered that I forgot to put a few items away in the cupboard.  I knew they’d bother me and get in the way of happy, calm thoughts.  So naturally I popped up and dealt with them.

When I returned I settled down again, took a deep breath and tried to let my thoughts go.  But my thoughts were like boomerangs and they kept coming back no matter how far I pushed them away.

On top of these returning thoughts was the realization that the cushions weren’t that comfortable.  And I wasn’t sure about the choice of oil in my diffuser.  Maybe if I changed them, then the magic would happen.  So of course I changed them and gave it another go.

All the while my level of peace and comfort was slipping more and more towards frustration.  Frustration at not being able to find the right set up, the right scent and most importantly not being able to still my mind.  Oh and let’s not forget that although I set a timer for my peaceful time I was fully aware of how much time had already slipped by.

With each tick of the clock I was less calm and more wound up.  When the alarm went I was relieved to get out of the area, feeling a bit less frustrated once I left the area.  When I mentioned this to a friend who just happens to have meditation come naturally to her, she told me I had been trying too hard and so of course it wouldn’t bring about peace and calm.

She invited me to try again another day, but this time at her place.  Sure, that will go well.  I mean I will only be focused and worried about how my meditation appears to her.  Totally calm and soothing to be sure!

The thing is, when I about and doing my daily stuff, I have moments of peace and calm, but when I crave out time for this…I am a hopeless failure, which doesn’t help me find peace at all.

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