Running From The Tracking

I’m a bit afraid of a trend most of my friends have gotten onboard with.  Oh it’s nothing crazy like the cinnamon challenge, not that I’m inclined to take a whole bunch of ground cinnamon in my mouth all at once either.  😉

You see, dear readers, I’m terrified, yes terrified of the craze known as tracking your fitness.  Everywhere you go these days you see people wearing some brand of fitness straps that tell them how many calories they have burned, how active they are, their sleep cycles and sets fitness goals for them too!

Let me explain, I’m not thrilled with having my weird sleep cycles monitored by anything.  Having a chronic illness, one that requires various types of medications, and living w the regular daily stress of life can mess up a girl’s sleep cycle.  Either that or I’m weird.  Either way I’d rather not have that monitored.

I also don’t need to be reminded of calories burnt or my fitness levels, not on days when getting out of bed or brushing my teeth requires mass reserves of precious energy.  To be blunt there are days when I’m just not all that active.  Those are days I feel shame.  I know there is no reason to feel this shame, I cannot help the lack of energy or the pain levels.  I know this, deep down, but I always wonder if I not somehow to blame.  Or worse, have I mentally made it worse via my thoughts.

And then let’s not forget that some of the meds people take can mess with weight loss or weight management.  No matter how many calories I burn, there are times when I’m one a certain medication that seems to attract everyone else’s calories to my body.  I cannot get even on those days.

Now granted not everyone with lupus will feel this way.  Granted I have some really good days as well where I have no pain or issues with being active.  I also wonder if one of these fitness tracking bands would, on these days, play into my competitive side and I’d end up pushing myself harder.

Basically, dear readers, I’m afraid I won’t live up or be adequate or what have you.  I live with these words running through my head now and then as it is.  Do I need to have these negative affirmations placed on my arm for me to always see?  Or am I being silly and paranoid?

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