There are times I find myself on a fence, a fence I’d rather not be on. I have never been any good at walking a tightrope. Balance is something that doesn’t come easily to me, Belived assures me that anyone who has a passion about something will struggle with balance in that area.
Since I have never figured out how to live with dampening my passions, I’ve never sorted out this idea of balance. And thus I find myself on a fence now and then. You see some times what I’m passionate about flies in the face of my professional life. The idea that there is something to traveling, journeying as a shaman to find answers, doesn’t sit exactly right with academia.
Sometimes my passion to learn is at war with logical and rational thought. I rush headlong into something less than safe. Other times it is my passion that steals so much of precious energy that I can ill-afford to waste what with surviving lupus.
I’ve spoken to people about balance, about this whole fence-sitting issue. What I can tell you is that those I’ve spoken to have all advised me it would be very hard to reign the passion in to a place where it works without getting in the way of logic etc. In other words, those I’ve spoken to have all admitted to finding themselves on fences too now and then.
A dear friend told me that if, in order to have a balanced, fence-free life, she’d have to tame or even give up that which her passions run to, she’d rather not live at all. As I roll this around in my head I know my feelings run the same. But it’s not that easy, not when you are supposed to conserve energy and take care of yourself and loved ones. It’s not so easy when your ideas, passions and such smack against the wall of reason and career.
So I try to walk the tightrope, I hope the wind isn’t blowing too hard when I’m on the fence and I admire those who just always end up balanced some how. If you can teach me how to fully commit to a passion without having to worry about the other stuff, or if you’ve figured out how to balance, I beseech of you to teach me because the view from the fence may be okay, but I’d rather not be stuck on it!