Massive Monster

He wa covered head to toe in muted, almost muddied, green.  The kind of green you’d find in the camouflage section.  He was just missing flashes of orange, but then that would defeat the purpose of blending in.  Not that he was doing a good job of blending in, not when he was resting against the side of the house which was a pale grey.

A small part of me wanting to laugh at it all.  I mean he was doing a poor job of blending in, but at the same time he was huge.  Massive.  Larger than my hand.  Thankfully he hadn’t brought any of his friends.

I debated what to do.  They are, after all, related to locusts and as we know those will eat anything.  From what I know of grasshoppers, they do the est anything.  Goats, without wings or cute faces of soft fur and floppy ears.  You see grasshoppers have hard bodies.  Very hard bodies.  This I know because we once had a dog that couldn’t bite a grasshopper.  Sure he managed the legs, but the thing didn’t get bitten through.  Armour  I guess.

And now me of these monsters was on my house.  Surely he was sending out messages to the hordes as he cocked his head and twitched an antennae my way.  What’s a girl to do?

Beloved is of no use in these situations.  None at all.  To him it’s live and let live deal.  Until his car gets the paint eaten, or the rubber seal removed.  Then he is all about killing.  Usually with odd things, such as kitchen implements. Implements that must never be used again.

I grabbed the hose and turned it on full, pointed it at the offending monster and hoped it would keep away from me.  The thing with grasshoppers is they have incredible grip.  The water didn’t dislodge the thing.  Now water dripped off him, but still he sat.

Five tense minutes later he was gone.  No he didn’t hop away.  Mr. Crow decided that a feast of this size couldn’t be passed up.  And I was able to breathe normally, although I just know he was a scout.  The hordes are coming and I will be safely locked away n the house until, they are gone.  I don’t care what you say about them being harmless, I’m scared to death of these things!


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