I don’t know about you, but somehow when im wearing one of those stunning, sexy, flattering hospital gowns, I lose IQ points. I suspect they sneak out that stunning strappy back thing going on.
It may have to do with how cold they keep the hospitals, or all those long, tongue tripping Latin words. Or the constant in and out of your room while you are trying to sleep, but at any rate I feel a bit less like me.
So after a recent visit to the hospital I was a bit surprised that my doctor was confounded by me. I’m not talking about my health issues either. And in a way I can’t say I blame him. I mean I live with me twenty-four hours a day and there are times I am confounded by myself! 😉
Dont get me wrong, I’m grateful for my doctors and nurses. I know I couldn’t cope with lupus on my own, not for even just one day. So I can’t exactly explain why now and then I think I can sneak past lupus. I think sometimes I can leap over lupus, skip past the medical stuff and just get on with life.
Of of course life doesn’t work that way, certainly not life with lupus. And so I push the envelope of what is possible with lupus and sometimes that means pushing back against the medical advice as well. Not entirely, but little things, that obviously add up. And this is what confounds my doctor.
For him the battle with lupus is a battle meant to be fought with precision and orders followed to a T. He can’t understand why I don’t follow his orders to a T. It isn’t out of disrespect, sure some of it is defiance against lupus, but most of it is because I’m scared. I’m scared if I don’t flex my own control, I wont have control of my life. And that is something that I’m not ready for, not yet. So confound my doctor may be a side effect, but hopefully I’m successfully confounding lupus!