I was surprised to learn I’m a runner. Normally I dont run due to joint pain and damage. So it was a mild shock to realize that deep down inside im a runner.
When I don’t like things, when it’s a bit too complicated and complex, I run. Sometimes I run fear, but other times I just run a short distance and barricade myself in some place. Silence and peace is what I seek. Sometimes those are the very things that help me find my way.
Sometimes I seek the distance because it helps to let things settle and shake out where they may. As ifI play no part in any of this. Perhaps as if a means to leave it up to fate… It isn’t throwing caution into the wind. Maybe its a way to distance myself from my actions, words or thoughts.
Not always the most mature thing to do, running away, but sometimes needed. Tiring? Yes sometimes it is, and yet sometimes the act of getting away is more relaxing as I work through how to make amends or fix what I have broken.
Sometimes I cannot undo or fix what I have broken or damaged. And then the distance is needed for healing and reconsideration. Thankfully Beloved understands this in me, and he lets me run, even if only so far before he runs after me.
I suppose at some point he may get tired of running and simply stop. And then the question of is it worthwhile to run may be answered. Then again it may not.