Throughout my adulthood, I’ve been asked how I came to terms with having lupus. How I found peace with this diagnosis and have managed life in spite of it. To be honest these are flattering questions especially since they mean someone thinks I have things sorted out.
Reality, my friends, is a wee bit different. I have yet to find peace with having lupus. We have been together for a number of years now, dancing back and forth and so I guess I’ve become comfortable with having lupus. But at peace? Oh heavens no, not ever. I fight with lupus, I wrestle with it. And there are times I come to terms with it, snd times I don’t.
In other words, I fake it most of the time, and other times I just keep moving and hope no one notices. Do I have rough moments? Sure of course. Do I have moments of frustration, tears and angry? You better believe it. I’m human after all.
Most of the time though I try to hide it all because deep down inside I want to be normal. Granted there is no such thing as normal since we are all individuals but still it is what I want. Or st he very least to seem my normal in terms of health.
Tolerance I guess is what I have for lupus. I tolerate it as a sidekick I never asked for, but am stuck with. I try to make the best of it while I bank on the medical fields finding a way to rid me of my sidekick. Yes I guess that does make me a bit uncaring!😉
Managing to live life in spite of lupus just fits in with the whole sidekick, horrible dance partner routine I have with lupus. I guess because I will not, I refuse, to be defined by lupus. At best I accept that I am a person who has lupus. The flip side to this, of course, is that lupus is stuck with me! 😉
Rest assured dear friends, I’m no bargain, nor easy to live with. Oh well, that’s lupus’ lot I guess! 😀
So peace with lupus? No. Moving forward with life, yes, even if it means I drag lupus kicking and screaming with me on the journey. And yes, I realize sometimes lupus derails things a bit, but all in al, I think I am managing okay.
Now if someone can teach me how to reach peace with lupus, that would be great! Oh and I would be willing to and in my dance card and let lupus go its own way!