Peace, Lupus and Me

Throughout my adulthood, I’ve been asked how I came to terms with having lupus.  How I found peace with this diagnosis  and have managed life in spite of it.  To be honest these are flattering questions especially since they mean someone thinks I have things sorted out.

Reality, my friends, is a wee bit different.  I have yet to find peace with having lupus.  We have been together for a number of years now, dancing back and forth and so I guess I’ve become comfortable with having lupus.  But at peace?  Oh heavens no, not ever.  I fight with lupus, I wrestle with it.  And there are times I come to terms with it, snd times I don’t.

In other words, I fake it most of the time, and other times I just keep moving and hope no one notices.  Do I have rough moments?  Sure of course.  Do I have moments of frustration, tears and angry?  You better believe it.  I’m human after all.

Most of the time though I try to hide it all because deep down inside I want to be normal.  Granted there is no such  thing as normal since we are all individuals but still it is what I want.  Or st he very least to seem my normal in terms of health.

Tolerance I guess is what I have for lupus.  I tolerate  it as a sidekick I never asked for, but am stuck with.  I try to make the best of it while I bank on the medical fields finding a way to rid me of my sidekick.  Yes I guess that does make me a bit uncaring!😉

Managing to live life in spite of lupus just fits in with the whole sidekick, horrible dance partner routine I have with lupus.  I guess because I will not, I refuse, to be defined by lupus.  At best I accept that I am a person who has lupus.  The flip side to this, of course, is that lupus is stuck with me! 😉

Rest assured dear friends, I’m no bargain, nor easy to live with.  Oh well, that’s lupus’ lot I guess! 😀

So peace with lupus?  No.  Moving forward with life, yes, even if it means I drag lupus kicking and screaming with me on the journey.  And yes, I realize sometimes lupus derails things a bit, but all in al, I think I am managing okay.

Now if someone can teach me how to reach peace with lupus, that would be great!  Oh and I would be willing to and in my dance card and let lupus go its own way!


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